Sausage Phase (and other randomness)

You know when you come up with a really awesome idea and then after you get into it you realize what you’ve gotten yourself into? For example, say you bring up to an athletic person like your dad that you want to do a triathlon. This is basically like signing a contract, be careful what you say. Then you get into the pool to begin training, this is just a random example mind you, and suddenly it hits you. This was a bad idea! Swimming training , or what I will now affectionately refer to as the “sausage phase” because I got into my speedo last night and realized there was an excess amount of squishiness coming out of my swimsuit, started last night. You know how when you’re running and you immediately realize that you are out of shape when you are panting twenty feet into it? Well swimming is worse, mostly because you can drown and die if you are really out of shape, but also because you are using every part of your body to move and your breathing is limited by that whole being under water thing. Last night I realized just how out of shape I was. I swam for 40 minutes and honestly I am surprised today that everything feels good, there’s no soreness or fatigue. My real eye opener wasn’t so much the actual act of swimming, although I definitely need lots of training to get my speed and stamina up. What opened my eyes is when I got out of the pool, realized the close proximity in which my inner thigh fat has with the opposite side, and then I realized at this point in the triathlon I would be getting on a leather bicycle seat. Ahhh the chaffing. So you’re wet and in a not so flattering swimsuit, most people just jump right on the bike and take off, then you get off the bike approximately 45 minutes later and run for 45 minutes….rrrriiiiggghhhtttt. This was a terrible idea. I am going to have the worst rash in the history of rashes! Okay calm down calm down. There is a solution, a triathlon suit. It is like an all in one outfit with shorts (to prevent the thigh rub-age). I am going to look into that. My only question is will they make it in my size? hmmm. Until then I am going to bust the crap out of this chub that has taken up habitation on my body. I am sending out an eviction notice. The goal is swimming twice a week, running twice a week, and cycling home from work twice a week. Yikes. This is going to be a crazy adventure. In the end I have a feeling I am going to just create my own “Natalie’s Triathlon” which will consist of a 100 meter swim, a five mile bike ride and a one mile run. Perfect length!

Also something I thought was pretty darn hilarious. After I started composing the post about Andy and his wonderfulness the universe decided to check my resolve on that issue. I had sent Andy a couple of craigslist links yesterday, one for a lawn mower and the other for a pallet of flagstone. We seriously need to get cracking on our landscaping this year, mostly because I am so tired of the mud tracks throughout the house from the pups. The lawn mower was being sold by this fellow who was moving and needed it gone. Therefore the price was low to get it moving. Andy’s response was “looks good”. I e-mail back “do you think we should get it”. His response “it’s up to you”. Um what do I know about lawn mowers. My knowledge consists of how to start them and push them and empty the bag. I have no motor knowledge or knowledge of what a good price is for what. When I get home I voice this opinion and ask him to take charge of finding a lawn mower because he says he prefers honda motors to the one I had found. So I am trying to eat a banana and gather all my stuff for swimming, so a little rushed, and he says ‘okay I found a few’. I go over to the couch and sit next to him to look at the laptop. He has an ad up for an old rusty tractor and he starts cracking up. This is when you realize it doesn’t matter how wonderful he is, sometimes you could still murder him without thinking twice. 

And one more tid bit I wanted to share with everyone. My big butter’s response to the news of passing my exams and an invitation to meet up on Friday for a bike ride:

yay! your smartliwomaness is staggering! you meet challenges and stab them in the eyes with blunt and possibly dirty objects! and you don’t give a fk about them afterwards! i will totally hire you to build my dream renovation for all my little asian kids to do their ninja training in.
i’m down for a ride, just let me know on the telephone machine. we’re totally gonna kick those little kids asses! y’know the ones who have had the training wheels off for like, three days, all swerving all over the trail and shit. we’re gonna litter the trail with their bloody remains to triumph at qDoba!
or you might wake up late and not ride, or i’ll get busy and not be able to participate.
either way, i don’t care.
congratulatons!
i can’rt spel gud…

Ugh I just love this guy! He crackes me up every time. Remember ladies, he’s available……hint hint.

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2 thoughts on “Sausage Phase (and other randomness)

  1. Josey, check out http://www.beginnertriathlete.com/sprint%20programs.htm. It has a work-up program and links to other information that will probably help you get started. My personal technique is to swim free stroke continuously until I wear out (i.e. can't breathe). Then take a break by doing breast stroke until I am rested enough to pick back up with free-style. I try to keep going as much as I can, stopping and taking breaks when necessary obviously. But eventually you just keep going until you can swim the whole distance straight without stopping. That would be awesome if you came and did the tri for the cure! It has a little bit longer swim than most sprints but maybe, if I work hard, we could do it together! Well together as in I will be somewhere behind you, but we can meet at the end!

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