Shape Up’s and Cheeseburgers

It is amazing what you catch even when you are not paying real attention to things around you. You’ve all seen the commercials…unless you don’t have TV, in which case there is no judgement here, I spent five years without TV,…..anyway, I am referring to the commercials for the Sketchers Shape Ups. And there is another company that makes them. Of course the commercials show skinny ladies in the tiniest shorts on the planet strutting around getting into even better shape with the amazing shoes. They promise better butts, better legs, just by walking around normally. I am not going to state my opinion on them because I don’t want to alienate any of you who might be sporting a pair of them right now…..oh, who am I kidding, this is the most ridiculous product ever. Actually I am sure they work to some extent, but, unless you’re a thin girl in fairly good shape I don’t think there will be a visible difference by wearing these shoes that basically make you look like you have a clubbed foot. Technically two clubbed feet. Anyway, while sitting in the airport, and attempting to stay awake, I overheard a woman across from me on the phone. ….I am just eating a sandwich and waiting for the flight. Okay I will see you in a couple of hours. Love you. Bye. Then I look over and realize her “sandwich” is a Burger King cheeseburger, fries and a coke and she’s a chubby lady. Hey, no judgement here, I am on the chunkier size too. I don’t care if you want to call a burger a “sandwich” when you are talking to your hubby on the phone. Technically if you are in another city, you are on vacation, even if you are traveling for work. Eat yourself a f-ing cheeseburger. Then my eyes migrate down to her feet and what do I see, Sketchers Shape Ups. Because I was tired the first thing I thought was to ask her if she has noticed a difference in her tushy. I was honestly curious to get a user’s review of them. But, then I realized that even though I don’t technically mean to mock her, it would definitely be mockery to ask her about her shape ups while she is munching on a cheeseburger. So I just kept my big mouth shut. But, I did wish I could sneak a photo. I didn’t want to mock her to her face, but I definitely will do it on my blog. Choose a side lady. Either you are trying to “shape up” or you are lying about your “sandwich” and embracing your chunky booty. No shoes cancel out a cheeseburger. Decide where you stand. 

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You Don’t See That Everyday

I am working my way back to Denver as I write. Okay well technically I am sitting in the airport hold room waiting to be loaded on the plane, but I am in the process of working my way back to Denver. This was an interesting trip, mainly because the last week and a half have been insane at work. Today was the first real break in crazy stressful project momentum and for perspective, it started at 4:30am when I had to get up and go to the airport. I am so worn out from the past couple weeks that if I wasn’t typing this I would probably fall asleep and miss my flight because I would be unaware when they started boarding. It was nice to spend the day here though. It was a gorgeous day. I was more than a little nervous because, since I have been stuck on another project, I kind of lost track of what was going on here. Turns out all my worry was unfounded because not a whole heck of a lot happened while I was MIA. After I landed the local architect took me out to this fairly new artist development nearby. We ate lunch at the cafe there, quickly passed by a pottery co-op that his friend works at, and walked around the shops and gallery. It was just a nice breather between craziness and this project.

Okay point of the post: Since I am doing site visits now I have been traveling with my hard hat. I knew when I carried it into a busy Pre-Memorial Day airport that I would most likely turn some heads. But I didn’t expect the comments. The first one I got was in the line for security. This gentleman was trying to inconspicuously to point me out to his wife, but I noticed the pointing. So then he says loudly ‘where ever she is going, she is going to need a hard hat’. Yep! it is true. I thought about making a smart ass comment about the plane going down, but thought that would cause unnecessary panic. Isn’t that illegal at an airport? I can’t remember. Once I arrived at my connecting airport, a fellow behind me said ‘you don’t see that every day’. So I turned around for an explanation. ‘A girl with a hard hat’. So I smiled and responded yeah probably not. Then he had to follow that up with ‘what do you do?’. I do like the fact that I was breaking stereotypes, but I feel like more ladies should get out there with hard hats.

Kickin’ Ass and Takin’ Names

I am still alive, just very very busy. Here’s some fragments of information that I don’t have the brain power to turn into an actual well-thought-out post. Sorry peeps. It’ll be over in a week.

  • My roller skates arrived a couple weeks ago! Since then I have been skating around the house while Andy watches TV. I would say while “we” watch TV, but I am too busy skating to really pay attention. I’ve decided I need a bigger house….or to knock down all these pesky walls so I have more skating room. I will own probably the only 1957 Ranch Skating Rink.
  • I went to Derby practice last Sunday and kicked ass! During the scrimmage I got to jam which was awesome. I also grew enough balls to introduce myself to one of the other girls….granted it took me until the end of practice to do it. But yay for my balls!. Her name is Deanna and she wants me to call her with the information for the next bout at the Fillmore….which in my mind means we will most likely meet up at the door and watch it together. Yay for friend-making. Rumor has it try-outs for the teams are coming up in August. If I buckle down and go to all the practices until then, I think I will be ready. This is definitely my sport.
  • Flagstone patio building is going well. I have a post started with progress photos, but I didn’t want to break it into several different posts, so you’ll have to wait until it is entirely done. But it is coming along.
  • I just started reading “The Red Tent”, which my acupuncturist recommended (if you haven’t read it you should!). So far it is really good, but the story about Rachel being super distraught because she was unable to conceive, made me do some introspection. When I got off the bus last night I thought to myself ‘if I can’t have a kid then my life will still be good, I am not going to define myself by my ability to have children’.
  • Bret was in town last weekend for a family get together. But I was able to take custody of her on Sunday evening through Monday morning for some BFF time. It was so good to hang out with her and catch up in person. I am still planning to go visit really soon, of course now there are no flight deals to be found, but when I looked before she moved a round-trip flight was $150. Now it is almost double. It is like they know that I want to go there. They are taking advantage of my friendship needs. Makes you wonder how in-depth their market studies are…..are they watching me on FB or something?
  • Andy and I have been watching a lot of documentaries lately, thanks Netflix! Most of them have been about foreign countries: Afghanistan, Congo, California….just kidding, seeing if you’re still paying attention. Anyhoo, obviously the documentaries have been covering some really horrific events or issues, but somehow they have inspired me and I am now itching to travel. I talked and talked to Andy about how we should get out of America for a while. We both wish we were heading to India in a couple weeks for my bud Ashima’s wedding. We just couldn’t swing the cost this year, but it doesn’t help dull the desire to go. Don’t get me wrong, I love America. It’s my homegirl, but there is still so much I want to see and do. So I have been day dreaming about living elsewhere. I blame my friend Matt, who is living in Tunisia and posts pictures on FB of all his camel-riding adventures.  A-hole!
  • I think I am running out of random things that don’t involve projects at work.

Wiper Competition and Company Dinners

I never considered myself a very competitive person. I was on the swim team in high school but was always one of the last swimmers in every race, I am not that aggressive of a skiier I just like to have a good time, and I was on the C-Team in Volleyball. The only thing I have ever been competitive at was school, and let me tell you, I kicked ass at it. But as I give myself more time for introspection, I realize that I do have competitive tendancies, no matter how small they are. You probably remember the post about race-walking with the dude from the train (here). Well last night I realized another secret competition I hold with those around me. So it was rain/snowing last night which necessitated the use of the wipers and I was driving on the highway, so we all know that means there is need for faster wiper speeds. Perhaps you do this too, but I noticed that I set my wiper speed to the slowest possible setting that I am comfortable with to maintain going 60mph. This means that I use the setting that clears it, then when the road is nearly completely undecipherable, the blades rotate again. Well I noticed myself looking at the other cars around me and if someone had their wipers on faster than me, I would smugly think to myself “amateurs!”. That’s right! I realize I was mocking and laughing at those around me who preferred more visibility than I do. I am holding a secret competition with all the other drivers to see which one of us can continue to drive with as little visibility out the windshield as possible. Does this seem reckless to anyone else? I obviously need a better outlet for my competitive nature.
The reason I was driving home late in the rain/snow was because we had a big company dinner last night. The big cheeses are in town for a meeting today, so last night our entire office went out with them. There were about 23 people there and we were split into two tables. Our table was listening to the San Francisco office head talk about his recent travels, how he loathes his birthday to the point of excommunicating those who dare send him e-mails or cards, and we were all cracking up and laughing about various other crap. There was a lot of booze involved. The other table seemed to be having an equally good time, but I found out this morning, that they were much more aware of what was about to happen. Apparently one out-of-town fellow had gotten lost on his way to the restaurant and had spent an hour driving around and trying to call the guys at the other table for help. Of course no one was paying attention to their phones (read: they were busy enjoying their booze), so twenty minutes later one of them sees his missed call and call him back. He is cursing and freaking out about being out there forever trying to find this place. So they know what is about to come, but we don’t. Our poor unsuspecting table is just laughing and having a good time. Meanwhile their table is rearranging plates and chairs to make it seem like the only open seat is at our table. Dude walks in and comes to our table. He didn’t look distressed at first, so we are all smiles and greeted him. Well someone baits him and says ‘hey where have you been?’. Then his face instantly changes and he shouts “fucking directions, I spent a fucking hour trying to find this place and no one was fucking picking up their phones…” let’s just say he has a healthy understanding of how to use the F-word. Our entire table went dead silent. I am pretty sure all the blood drained from my face and we all started looking at each other like ‘is all the fun over now?’. This wasn’t a hard restaurant to find, there was a giant neon sign out on the main road with an arrow, oh and it is right next to a municipal airport, so you know there is like a radio control tower right next to it and blinking red lights on the top of 50-foot antennas, small landmarks like that. How he got lost is beyond me. But he started ranting about how the directions said 2/10 of a mile and it was actually further than that…..um does anyone actually look at the mileage counters on the side of the directions and only go by those? I usually look at the part that says “take a right at Dayton St” and then I look for Dayton Street. Call me crazy. I mean I could see using only that part of the direction if you were into orienteering and were on an adventure to find a place using only  the distance and compass directions. Turns out he not only had the printed out directions, but he also had a gps in his car…..you know some people couldn’t find their way out of a paper bag. Our big boss finally breaks our shocked silence by turning to the guy and saying ‘you know all 23 of us had the exact same directions you had and we obviously found it’. It was awesome! Then we all resumed our whitty….and not-so-whitty banter.

Weekend in Pictures

I know I am too wordy, so here’s some pics to illustrate my weekend instead.

We laid out all the stone so we could see it all, then we rested and Hubs and Lincoln stole my seat.
Hubs is surfing
This is what it looked like before I decided most of those pieces should come back out. Hubs was super excited about that one.
Then I hid in my sewing room with a beer and didn’t bother him again.

Mom’s Day

Katie and I inadvertently planned to hang out Sunday before I realized it was Mother’s Day. The fact that we had accidentally planned it was sort of fortuitous because, as previously mentioned, we both lost our mommas within a year of each other. This might come off as sounding a bit harsh to you all, but I just kept thinking about how Katie and I should start a club (ever the 12 year old) and it should be called “DMC” for Dead Momma’s Club. I know, I know, it is probably messed up that I think of that as comic relief. She has been a pillar in my life when it comes to dealing with Dead Mom issues. It is just nice to have someone around who can commiserate with you. Not that my other friends aren’t super supportive, but the reactions you get are different. It just feels so much better to have someone else say “I am having a hard time with that too”. I can’t explain it, but you probably get what I am saying. Anyway it ended up being a pretty perfect day, except that my mere presence in her house caused her hubby to become nauseated and have to spend the second half of the afternoon in bed…..he assured me that it wasn’t me, but it seems like he was fine before I arrived. But I guess that made it even better that Katie and I were together. Andy had to finish his final papers, so the two of us just lounged about, chatting about everything under the sun: from babies, to landscaping, to financial planning. It was great. Although we (Tim included, this was pre-sickness) scrapped plans to ditch her napping kids and walk over to Bristol Brewery (we were planning to test the range of her baby monitor), Tim offered to stay home so we could head over to Coldstone. They were having a Mother’s Day special, so Katie and I decided she should get something for her stretch marks. Don’t worry, we didn’t show the two teenage dudes her stretch marks, but she probably would have if they had asked her for proof of motherhood. She’s awesome like that! When we got home, Tim was sick. Then the girls woke up and it was just the four of us ladies hanging out. That’s when I decided to capture Katie with her adorable nuggets.
Snuggling with Laura
Smoochin on Charlotte
Charlotte and Momma
Katie and her Girls
Now Laura is looking and Katie and Charlotte aren’t. hahaha. Hilarious.
It was a great day. I got a little sneak peak into life with two kids….I spent the entire time peppering Katie with questionsFor instance, when she said “Laura do you want Daddy to read you a book now or in 5 minutes?”. That is code for “Do you want to take your nap now or wait 5 minutes?”. I feel like an anthropologist, their routine is so fascinating. I am certain to have thousands more questions when the time comes.  

Girlie Fail

So you know how I decided my first step at increasing girli-ness was going to be to keep my nails painted?

Then why the frick did I walk out of the house looking like this?

Hello crack whore nails. The sad part of this story is that the paint that stained my nails was three nail paintings ago. I had to keep covering it up. It was the cheap shit that comes in those “free with purchase” grab bags. Shoulda checked the label I bet the color is called “Trashy Shadow”. I’ve learned my lesson. $5 nail polish might seem extreme, but at least I can remove it and not look mentally insane. So how did I let myself out of the door this morning? Easy it’s Thursday, the tired sleepy day. I took the chipped polish off last night and then was distracted by chores and sleep, so I didn’t get to the repainting portion. But the good news is, I have a $5 coupon for Sally’s and there is one on my way home, SCORE! New expensive polish for me. I am throwing “Trashy Shadow” out tonight. Let me know if there are any takers. Perhaps this is the look you are going for?