You know those F-ing adorable pregnant women who basically look like 100 lb models with a perfectly round belly glued on the front? Yeah that is not going to be me. I wish that is what I looked like. I wish I could take naked pictures when I am 8 months pregnant and that they would be sexy and beautiful. But unless my body somehow improves with pregnancy….hahaha…. that isn’t going to happen. It’s okay. I have totally accepted it.  

My naked body has never been something that other girls would envy. Due to the insane growth spurt I went through as a wee little lasse, I already have a shit ton of stretch marks. Of course when you think about it, it kind of makes whatever happens during pregnancy A-okay. I mean we’re not talking about ruining some masterpiece. Despite that, I haven’t been in stellar shape since I went off to grad school. Not only did it put me in ridiculous amounts of debt, but it stole my figure. Okay…..I guess I had something to do with that. When we moved back to Colorado, one of the healthiest states in the country (thanks mostly to Boulder if you ask me) I was determined to get some semblance of my old self back. Just having a less hectic life helped a ton. I dropped somewheres around 20 pounds. Maybe more. Have I mentioned I hate scales and refuse to get near them if at all possible? I went down about two pants sizes. Fine we’ll get real. I was down to a 12.
When I first got married I was wearing 8s. What a skinny whore. To be fair, I looked like an anorexic freak when I look back at pictures of myself. I can remember way back then and I know the BMI (which is full o’ shit, in my opinion) said a healthy weight for me was between 135 and 175. How sick is it that I still remember that shit? The lowest I ever got was 138….and if you are curious, it wasn’t achieved in a healthy way. I looked like a bag o’ bones. It was ridunkulous. The most ridunkulous part of it was that I still felt fat. I think that is what happens to chicks when we try to drop a shit ton of weight in an unhealthy way. Our brains never register that we look better. So then we go all crazy and get even more agressive with the weight loss and pretty soon your mom is threatening to have you locked up if you don’t stop losing weight. True story by the way.
Anyhoodles. If I had gotten pregnant when we first got married, I wonder what I would be like? Would I be scared shitless of gaining a pound? Would my baby suffer because of it? I’ll admit that I am a wee bit scared that in April I will look like a beached whale.
I was sitting on the train yesterday across from a mom with her two kids. Not to be mean or anything, but she was a large lady and I would say her youngest was probably 6. It is difficult for me to look at someone like that and not wonder if she was once a 140lb bombshell. While realizing what my mean judgemental brain was doing, I realized the issue is that I have some fears. Sure my body is no gem, but will I be able to get it back? I am sure it will be forever altered in unimaginable ways, but will I be able to get back in my wardrobe and look descent? 
I want to be a fit mom. I want my kids to not be embarrassed to be in public with me. I don’t want to wear pants with elastic waists. These are real tangible fears and I am trying my darndest to not let them muddy up my beautiful pregnancy experience. But when I was sitting there across from this wonderful mother, who was laughing and talking with her kids, I couldn’t help but wonder if these fears are affecting me more than I’d like to admit.
My midwife gave me an assignment to turn in at our last appointment. I was to track everything I ate for a week. The form she gave me had little boxes to check off for the things you need several servings of every day: milk, protein, vegetables, fruit, etc. Up until I started this form, I thought I was doing really well with my eating. I was making sure I drank at least one giant cup of milk each day and have yogurts, cottage cheese, cheeses, etc. to get the proper amount of calcium. I have never been a huge meat eater, but I thought I was getting plenty of proteins. On week 15 I started filling out the form. My midwife recommended that I eat lots of healthy snacks and that I should be eating once every two hours or so. As I started filling out the form I realized that I suck at the snacks part. I would rarely get in a snack before breakfast, my between breakfast and lunch snack was usually an apple or some almonds, and I would mostly miss the snack between lunch and dinner as well. And then I realized my meals weren’t very substantial. Yogurt with granola for breakfast or a bowl of raisin bran, a salad for lunch, and a little bit of chicken and some veggies for dinner. When I was eating I was noticing myself slow down and not being able to finish even my small bowl of yogurt. But I was eating when I was hungry and I would stop when I felt full. I thought I was doing exactly what I needed to be doing. But I found it hard to check off all the boxes each day.
At the meeting with our midwife she said that the things I was eating were good, but then she said ‘from looking at your chart though, it doesn’t look like you are very hungry…do you feel hungry?’. I thought if I wasn’t feeling hungry that I was probably getting enough nutrients for the baby. But could I be wrong? Should I be wanting to eat more? Should I be looking towards my next snack every hour or so? Because I am not. So now I am worried. I know big surprise a pregnant woman is worried about something. When I weighed in, I gained 3 lbs from our visit a month ago. She said that was good. Obviously weight is being put on. I am expanding and Nugget is getting bigger. He/she was kicking all over in there and the heartbeat was strong. Should I just stop worrying? Should I be grateful that I am not waking up in the middle of the night starving? Because in all honesty, getting up just to go pee is really a chore, I am not sure if I can feel happy about having to get up and be conscious enough to eat something.
So tell me ladies with experience or insane knowledge about this stuff, what is/was your experience with being hungry? What do you think is “normal”? Please help my sad crazy pregnant brain.


Bullying Your Fetus – 17 Weeks

 Look at this honker! That is a substantially sized object. You would think once your baby is this size you’d be like ‘there it is’ when you pushed on your stomach. Not me. Nugget is bunkered down deep towards my spine.

According to books I’ve read and this machine that information comes out of, feeling movement occurs anywhere from around 16-20 weeks. They say experienced moms can feel it much sooner because they know what they are looking for. I have been laying on the carpet every night and poking around on my stomach to see if I can inspire some feelings that are similar to those reported by mom’s feeling movement. Flutters, swimming fish, popping bubbles, somethin’. Up until our appointment on Friday with the midwife, I wasn’t sure that I had felt anything. I know I was feeling the stretching out of the ligaments that surround my uterus. It is basically stretching pangs you get. Probably a few times a day. Not too unbearable, a few of them I have had to bend over forward to relieve the pull a little. My response is to say ‘ooo stretchy stretchy’ bend forward and then rub where the pain is. What a PG-rated nerd I’ve become.
So I knew that wasn’t the baby. Or at least I hoped Nugget wasn’t inflicting pain this early on, otherwise this kid is certain to be a terror. When I got to my appointment the midwife asked if I had felt anything. I said I wasn’t entirely sure. She said that I will probably get a few flutters over the next few weeks, but to let her know when I feel a distinct kick. This is called the quickening and midwives like to look at when it occurs because there is some correlation between how long a pregnancy you will have depending on when it happens. I’ll be sure to ask her what it means when I report the first distinctive kick.

Anyhoodles. I laid down for her to examine my tummy tum and she said I still have good muscle tone. I told her I never considered my stomach very muscular. She then laughed and said ‘you have no idea what lack of muscle tone is until after you’ve had a baby’. Awesome! This is reminiscent of the shoe salesman who told me after I had a few kids and gained 30 lbs my size 8 foot would flatten out into a 9 or 10. I’ll show you shoe salesman! These bitches are staying an 8. You and your black and white striped “ref” shirt can suck it! Obviously I would never tell my midwife to suck it. Something about losing my sad excuse for muscle tone for Nugget doesn’t bother me at all. It does make me laugh though the things that come out of people’s mouths sometimes.
For example, Andy’s dad gave us tickets to the Broncos v. Colts game yesterday (the Broncos apparently couldn’t remember how to play the game). As we were hiking up the ramps to the top of the stadium, Andy said something like ‘we should get you a jersey. They are made for fat people’. I just looked at him and started laughing and he was like ‘what?’. ‘So it would be good for me because I am fat?’. ‘No I was saying because you’re going to get big and pregnant so you could continue to wear it’. I knew what he was getting at when he said it, it was just the way it came out of his mouth that made me laugh.
Back to my appointment, so after she inspected my stomach, she pulled out the doppler. Last visit Nugget was too deep down in my pelvis for us to find the heartbeat. We had heard it on the ultrasounds, but I had my fingers crossed there would be no issue this month. She put it to my stomach and right away there were these loud pops. Her eyes got big and she said ‘and that’s the baby kicking you!’. We’d hear the heartbeat and then  Pop! Pop!. Hearing the sound helped me to focus in on what I could feel. Sure enough there were some light little feelings with each sound. Ah Ha! That is what I was looking for.
I can see why women spend weeks playing the ‘baby or gas’ game though. The movements aren’t that distinguishable on their own. So since our appointment I have been pushing more and more on my stomach, bullying the crap out of Nugget to feel him/her. Each night I do it, I feel a little bit more. And today, without even pushing him/her around, I felt a “popping bubble” sensation. Not the distinguishable “quickening”  but something!
The date is officially set for our “Discovering Nugget’s Sex” appointment. On October 22nd we will know, unless Nugget doesn’t cooperate or something. This will be the “count all the fingers and toes” ultrasound. So I am looking forward to spending lots of time looking at Nugget up on the screen. I am not looking forward to the 32 ounces of water I have to drink an hour before and keep in my body through the ultrasound. Do you think anyone has ever peed on the table? They push on your stomach quite a bit. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone lost it, if ya know what I mean.
I took new pictures of my “belly” on Friday, but forgot to upload them. So those will be coming soon. I reorganized my closet so that my pre-pregnancy clothes, aka the stuff that makes me look like a chubby sausage to wear, is down on the bottom rack out of the way and my maternity stuff is up front and center. I have retired most of my pants. One pair of jeans are hanging in there, and a few pairs of pants are doable with the rubber band technique. I am enjoying rocking the maternity shirts. They are so roomy and comfy. I may look funny with so much extra, unnecessary material around me, but it feels nice. Alright littl chillens, I should get going. Hope your day is bright and shiny.

Where in the world is Natalie San Diego

Doesn’t really have the same ring to it as Carmen San Diego. Eh, I don’t care enough to try to come up with something better.
So as part of my “catch up on shit I forgot to write about” attempt, here is some of the places and things I have been doing lately. Well in reality this is really a catalog of buildings I have been visiting. Hopefully you don’t hate buildings. Here we go…via pictures. Because pictures are more fun.

First up, the grand opening of the A.R.F.F Station in Eug.ene.
The official ribbon cutting
My favorite part of the building…..yes because it is red.
The sun was not cooperating, otherwise this would have been a good picture.
Then I was magically wisked away to St. Jorge (see culture sneaking right in there) to visit the A.R.F.F construction there (for those who care A.R.F.F are firestations that sit on the airport. It stands for Aircraft Rescue and Firefighting….now you’re a dork too).
Coming along nicely.
Then I went several feet away to look at the Terminal Building.
It will be complete in the next couple of months.
I am sneaking into the boys bathroom.
Why do I feel so uncomfortable in here?
This one isn’t mine, but last week our firm went on a tour of it. This is a new building in downtown that is rated LEED Platinum. Basically as green as you can get.
This is the roof garden above the parking garage where employees can come out to each lunch. Some company was having a taco bar catered staff meeting….I thought about joining in.
The Lobby
This glass piece was really cool
If you are wondering what they will do when the trees start getting too big for the lobby, I am wondering the same thing.
Wish my break room at work looked like this.
And that is about it. I know technically I didn’t write anything about this stuff, but if we go with the old saying “a picture is worth 1,000 words” then I just wrote like the longest post ever.

Got tagged.

Josey-pants tagged me in her Q&A over at My Cheap Version of Therapy so now I gots to respond.
1) What is your dream occupation?
It would be extreme and utter awesomeness if I could be the Historic Architect for, like, the City of Denver. That would probably be my dream job. To be in charge of restoration and renovation projects for an entire city. Of course that might mean that I would be more of a supervisor rather than a designer. So it is possible it wouldn’t be fun at all. But it sounds fun to me. Okay wait, now I thought of a better one. If I could have a ridiculously rich investor who just gave me a shit ton of money to buy old buildings, renovate them and then he/she could sell or lease them. That would definitely be my dream job.
2) How many children (if any!) do you want?
Ewww who would want children? hahaha. Just kidding. I want two. I like the symmetry of two. Andy has a sister and I have a brother, so we both come from the same size family. The nuclear family to be exact. Now where is my tract home and giant boat-sized car? Has anyone seen my pearls?

Actual photo of our future

3) What’s your favorite memory from high school?
Have I mentioned I have a terrible memory? I do. Hmmm. I think my favorite memory was going out to eat with Andy in his bronco one night. It was a ’77 and awesome. He had taken the top off and I really wanted to go for a ride, despite the fact that it was snowing. But he wrapped me up in a blanket and blasted the heat and we drove around. It was awesome and we both miss that truck.
4) What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?
When I was 15, I was having a sleep over at a friend’s house and she we decided to drug her mom with Dramamine (be suspicious if your teenage daughter offers to make you a cup of tea randomly one evening) and take her car out for a spin. Neither of us even had a permit at this point. We drove over to the community college parking lot, a whopping 3 blocks away, and jumped over the speed bumps. Then we went to the grocery store in our pjs and bought oreos and sat in the parking lot eating them.
5) Who is your idol and why?
I have never watched American Idol….okay that was lame, I’ll admit it. I am not sure that I really idolize anyone in the “they’re my idol” kind of sense, I guess besides my mom. She was too kick-ass for words. There are a shit ton of people I look up to, Frank Lloyd Wright and Santiago Calatrava on the nerd architecture end, Margaret Brown and Elizabeth Cady Stanton on the “awesome ladies” end, this could get out of hand. I think there are a ton of people I look up to and most of them have the same qualities. They are kind, fun to be around, have a zeal for life, and want to/have made a difference in the world.
6) If you could go back and change one decision you’ve made in your life, would you? If you’re comfortable with it, please share the decision!
I have kind of come to the realization that all the decisions that I’ve made in my life have gotten me to where I am today. They have formed me into a kind-hearted, smart, dorky, fun, and happy woman. So I decided a long time ago that I would try my darndest to never have regrets about any past decisions or events. I can’t think of some monumental decision I made that I wish I had gone another way and I can’t really think of anything small that would have changed anything anyway.
7) Stilettos or flip flops?
Definitely Stilettos. I have several pairs of really sexy high heels, granted I usually resort to my flat mary janes since I do a lot of walking, but I definitely prefer Stilettos to flip flops.
8) What’s the #1 place in the world that you’d like to travel to and why?
I have a rotating list of the #1 place I want to visit. This week it is definitely Cuba. A few years ago I went to this thesis presentation called “The Lost Art Schools of Cuba” or something like that. Apparently you can go to Cuba legally if you have a research grant. Anyhoo, the pictures of these schools were amazing. The architecture was so unique and since they have all been abandoned, most of them have become overgrown with plants. They were some of the coolest photographs I have seen. Also I heard about this documentary, which I have yet to be able to find, about how they maintain classic American cars from the 1940s (since they can’t receive new parts or new cars from us) and fabricate their own brake pads and parts. Sounds pretty crazy. So Cuba is at the top of the list right now. Next week it might go back to South Africa or Peru. Who knows?

Boy or Girl

Alright, this one is still baby related….and I should preface this post by saying it could get a little crazy in here. Like I could throw the “P” word around randomly and by “could” I mean I am probably going to. By “P” word I mean Penis. Now that we’re all acclimated to the word, let’s get going.
This entire post might be moot because Andy is 150% convinced Nugget is a girl. My grandma thinks it is going to be a girl too, apparently my grandpa (who died last November) said I would have a girl. I didn’t want to call g-ma on her craziness by clarifying whether g-pa told her before he died or like, say, after I told her I was pregnant in July. Hey, maybe g-ma is a ghost whisperer. Who am I to judge? My buds Emmicakes also thinks it is a girl. Plus there seems to be about a bazillion people hoping it is a girl. What’s with that people? Does no one like boys anymore? Well my grandpa Gumbo (mom’s dad, crazy g-ma = dad’s mom) thinks it is a boy. He sent me a birthday card that said “Niece, Hope You Have a Happy Birthday”. How freakin’ cute is that? Poor blind Grandpa. Hopefully he didn’t drive himself to the store to get it. Eeeek. Better look into that. Anyway on my “Niece” birthday card he wrote “How is my Great Grandson doing?”. Awwww.
Me on the other hand, I have officially declared myself Switzerland. I choose not to declare what I think it might be, because in all honesty, I have no freakin’ idea. It’s a mixed bag. You know how some people “try” specifically for a boy or a girl. They have the official positions and they time their cycle just right….yeah that wasn’t me. I was just trying to get knocked up. What a whore right? hahaha.
Yeah I tried looking back at my chart to get an idea of what might have happened. But there is just no tellin’. Maybe if we had just “wrestled” once during that special time I would have a slight inkling. But we fire-bombed that egg. We attacked her from all sides. It was like the Battle of Chosin Reservoir during the Korean War, my egg was Chesty Puller, she was surrounded. By the way of you’re not nerd cool enough to know who Chesty Puller is, you might be able to guess he was a highly decorated Marine. And yes, Andy has already asked and I refuse to name a boy Chesty. Similarly I refuse to name a boy Smedley, after Smedley Darlington Butler a Marine who received two Medals of Honor. I get that it is pretty darn awesome that he merited the Medal of Honor on two different occasions, but in my mind, there is a reason the name Smedley died out at the turn of the 20th Century. I believe it would be beyond cruel to name your kid either of those names.
Long story short, this baby’s sex is truly up in the air. My step-sister-in-law found out a few weeks ago that they are having a girl. She said they were all surprised because they were 100% sure it was a boy. Even when the ultrasound came up they thought they were looking at boy parts. Good thing the Ultrasound tech is trained to know what’s what. I am not sure if they were disappointed. I mean I think some people might have their heart set….ahem dads…on one sex or the other, but I can honestly say I don’t really care. In the long run it would be sweet to have one of each, but the order of that doesn’t particularly matter to me. And if I end up with two of one or the other, I wouldn’t be upset or disappointed about that either. Like I said, Switzerland.
Okay here is where things get weird. And by that I mean, this is where I get weird. Following a conversation with Andy where he declared it was definitely going to be a girl, I started thinking ‘what if it is a boy?’. I started thinking about a boy. What he might look like, I could see him stomping around the house in cowboy boots and whitey tighties, and then I started thinking about the fact that he would have a penis. Then it hit me, there could be a penis growing inside me. Does that seem odd to anyone else? I mean it is a tiny penis, but still. I am a girl and I can grow boy parts. That seems so strange. A vagina makes sense. Of course a woman could grow one of those. I realize it is up to the father to decide which parts the baby gets, but I am kind of in charge of growing it.
Up until this point I have just been a one penis kind of girl. It wasn’t necessarily intentional, but that is how things ended up happening. I met Andy and that was that. But now I wonder, if it is a boy, does this change the rules, or does it make me part-owner of a penis? That is kind of strange to think about, right? Okay, I think this post has officially spiraled out of control. So I am going to wrap it up.
Basically strange shit is going through my head as I start to contemplate the sex of Nugget. But all I really care about is that he/she is healthy and likes to snuggle. When I thought about pregnancy before this point, I saw 9 months as being an eternity. Now that I am sitting here, four weeks away from finding out what Nugget will be, I realize time is already moving too fast. I am so anxious to get to meet the Nugg, but I also don’t want them to grow up too fast. What a dichotomy.

16 Weeks

The Nugget is the size of an avacado this week. Does anyone else want guacamole now? And a margarita, but I think I’ll wait for a few more months for that one.
Besides being the size of an avacado, all sorts of stuff is going on in there. He/she is growing toenails. I figured that would happen at the same time as the fingernails, but apparently not. Also Nugget is pumping a whole shit ton of blood around.
Not a whole lot to report this week. I had another incident of banditry. On Saturday I went to the “Just Between Friends” sale at the Stockshow grounds. It is basically this giant consignment sale for Baby, Kid and Maternity stuff. Since the sellers set the prices, some things were overpriced in my opinion. A sleeper for $7 is not a good price to me. But there were a few sellers that were trying to help a girl out. I found quite a few maternity pieces, including two pairs of “tall” dress pants for $8 a piece. Score! I tried them on when I got home (no dressing rooms at the sale 😦 ) and they are pushing the almost to short limit, but I think they will work. The biggest scores of the day were a preggo maternity pillow, you know the ones that keep you in position, for $15, and a boppy with two covers for $7. I didn’t delve too much into the baby clothing, mostly because it would be kind of a waste a this point, not knowing the sex and all. But I did find a brown and white stripped hooded romper, that I think could go either way, for $2. It was just too cute. I slept on my body pillow on Saturday night and it was magical. Words cannot describe.
Sunday we met Andy’s side of the family to celebrate my birthday. We had yummy food and dessert. After we ate, we went with my SSIL and SBIL to Pottery Barn Kids to pick up their nursery bedding set. They had received a gift card from their shower. Astoundingly Andy was up for the idea of going to Babies R Us to start our registery and get this, he actually semi-enjoyed it. Granted that was mostly due to the fact that I let him have the scanner gun. I think it would have been better if I had just been like ‘just run around and scan things’ rather than taking the time to pick out stuff. But whatever. He participated and so extra brownie points for him.
Whilst at Babies R Us though, I took a peek at what those body pillows go for, $59! Holy manoly. Thus I felt even more like a bandit this weekend.
There is another Just Between Friends sale in Brighton in October. By then we should know what this little nugget is going to be. So then it might be more fun to actually pick out some clothes. That’s it for now, but I have a ton of stuff to catch up on. Hopefully I can get through it all this week! Whew I am tired just thinking about all the posts I am behind on.

Nancy F-ing Drew

Labor Day weekend my Dad, his fiance, Big Butter, and I went up to Vedauwoo. For those not familiar with the Colorado/Wyoming area, Vedauwoo is about 30 minutes west of Cheyenne Wyoming. There are lots of large strange lookin’ rock formations up there that big nerdy climbers like my Dad like to play on. They aren’t particularly difficult routes, but the rock is all granite and pretty pokey. I like climbing a teeny bit, but if the rock is cutting the shit out of you, it really isn’t that enjoyable in my opinion. Basically I went along because we were going to have a picnic (have I told you how much I love picnicking? well I love it!) and I get to see my dad about once a month or less. So Butter and I drove up together and I brought my trusty book about Molly Brown and a blanket so I could rest while they tackled the evil rock.
During our picnic, the conversation invariably got around to pregnancy and I turned to dad to confirm the facts I had already found out about my mom. A while ago I asked him why my mom needed to have a c-section with Big Butter (because that invariably led to me being a c-section. This was before they did VBACs. Take that bitches I know official terms and shit!). Turns out mom wanted to give birth in St. Luke’s (Kansas City) brand new birthing center. It was designed to look like home (it just made me all warm and fuzzy to hear that my mom wanted a similar birth experience as me) and you could have your family there with you. So she went into labor and headed to the birth center. But after 24 hours with not a whole lot of progress she developed a fever and there were signs that Butter was struggling, so off she went to get chopped open. Butter had to stay a couple extra days in the hospital and was given antibiotics. 
I knew this stuff already, but I was curious how close I was born to my actual due date, because mom scheduled me to come out on the 8th. Mostly I was curious whether I was actually meant to be like a 9 pounds baby and because I was taken out early I was only 7 1/2 pounds. Andy was around 7 1/2 pounds too, so I was all excited that Nugget probably won’t be too gihugic. Then I remembered I was a c-section. Doh!. Dad couldn’t really remember my exact due date, but he thought it was pretty close to when I was scheduled. So who knows for sure.
But then the conversation shifted, somehow, and he mentioned something about how mom had a seizure when she was pregnant with me. Um what? Dad said, ‘yeah she was taking Bendectin, an anti-nausea medication, and one night I woke up and she was seizing’. He said that she didn’t remember having one, he told her that it had happened. (Did I mention both my parents were nurses? I guess I should considering you’re probably like ‘um why didn’t he call an ambulance and get her checked out). He wasn’t sure if it was because of the medication or not, but I think she stopped taking it after that. I remember my mom telling me that her nausea was really bad. I think it was one of those things that looking back you kind of downplay it, but she told me a story of having to throw up in the parking lot before going into the grocery store. Yikes. Considering I thought my nausea was kind of miserable and I just had a sort of all day constant nausea without vomitting, I am assuming hers was much worse. Poor momma. Glad she stuck it out and decided to give me life and all.
Anyway, big forgetful preggo brain (me) lost the name of the medication in my brain matter a couple days later. I knew it started with a “B”, but that was all I could remember. So I jumped on the magic internets and looked for “anti-nausea medication 1982”. The first thing that popped up was a discussion thread that started with someone asking “My mom took an anti-nausea medication in 1982, does anyone know what it might have been?”. Took the words right out of my mouth. So I look at the first response and see “Bendectin”. That’s it! Something told me to read on. (here‘s the page in case you’re curious). After reading some of the entries I had an oh shit moment. A lot of the women writing in were mothers who had taken Bendectin or daughters of mothers who did and SEVERAL of them were talking about being diagnosed with PCOS and/or having extreme fertility troubles. There was mention of Endometriosis too. Basically general reports of damaged lady parts. You have to be shitting me! Believe me this isn’t at all what I was looking for. Mostly I wanted to be able to go into my midwife and say ‘hey my mom took Bendectin and had a seizure with me, should I be worried about anything?’. I figured she would write it down in my file and say, ‘no, you don’t need to worry, Bendectin never had any bad side effects on the baby yada yada yada”. I had no idea I would stumble upon a hint as to a possible reason for my fertility issues.
Before you all get excited and run out to kick your mom’s doctor in the junk, let me say, it doesn’t look like there is an official study tying the two things together. But it is a possibility. Here is a more official article talking about Bendectin and some of the birth defects they observed. It sounds like the original, three ingredient, drug was the issue. A study was done in the 60s on animals and somehow (evil drug companies thinking only of profit) the conclusions showed no negative affects on the animals. Drug companies reporting positive outcomes, noooooo! The article points out how they didn’t study any of the animal’s fetuses and the discussion thread suggests that there was a lawsuit filed by a group of mothers who were prescribed Bendectin. Someone, official, looked at the data from the original study and said it wasn’t convincing that there were no effects to the animals. The FDA official in charge of approving Bendectin later said if she had seen the original study data she would have required more investigation into the effects. Awesome!
The good news is that a newer version of Bendectin was released at the end of the 1970s. This one only had two ingredients, B-6 and some other medical wordy thing. No effects were reported from women who took this newer version. But, it is possible that the original version of Bendectin was available to women up until 1982. You’re shittin’ me again! 
Listen peeps, I am not here to say ‘this is what caused my fertility issues’. After reading all two of those web-pages I wouldn’t say I am that certain, but it does make you wonder. If that many women are reporting similar problems with getting pregnant and their moms took the same drug about the same time frame. I mean you can’t really ignore that it might be a possibility. But where does that put us? No where really. I mean it isn’t like someone out there has said ‘Bendectin caused it, here’s how you fix it’. Good news is a lot of the women who posted on the thread reported eventual success at getting pregnant and then obviously I am pregnant. So that is good news. Hopefully one of your parent’s will be able to tell you if your mom took any medications during your pregnancy. Maybe she didn’t take Bendectin at all. Who knows. I am not saying ‘that must be it, all of us must have fertility issues because of Bendectin!’.
The only reason I thought this was something blog worthy is that I know so many wonderful, beautiful ladies out there struggling to get pregnant. Like I said, it doesn’t help a whole lot to know about something that doesn’t really have a solution, but there is some kind of relief in knowing that we might not be broken for no particular reason. There could be some actual tangible thing that made us fertally retarded compared to those women who can get pregnant without even trying. Anyway, I know my story is full of holes. You might get out there and find this whole theory is total B.S., in which case, let me know about it.  But for those who are interested, there’s my investigative reporting for the day.