The Penis Question

Damn it! I have decided that when it comes to making this decision, I would just rather only have little girls and bypass the whole thing. I’m talking about circumcision. I had my 20 week appointment with my midwife last Friday. Andy was at home waiting for the repairman to fix our dryer, so it was just me this time, which was more than okay. We usually spend a lot of time talking about poop and other fun bodily functions, so it was probably cool for him to sit out for one of those sessions. Anyway, it had occurred to me that now we were dealing with a penis and a homebirth a few things might need to be coordinated. I had told Andy way back when we started trying that if we had a boy, I would leave the circumcision decision (hehehe rhyming) up to him. I kind of felt unqualified to make that call. He seemed pretty decided that he was for circumcising our boy, so I left it at that.
So during our appointment I asked the midwife how that would work since we’re planning to birth at home. It’s easy peasy at the hospital, they just do it right after he pops out. Obviously she doesn’t do circumcisions, but I have heard you want it done pretty early on. I asked her if we would take him to a dr. office the next day or something. She started by saying ‘well, first, I wouldn’t recommend circumcising him’. She told me that the medical profession doesn’t recommend circumcision and that the times have changed so the cases of kids being made fun of in gym class and such is minimal. So she told me all the reasons there are not to circumcise, but then she told me how we could go about it, if we decide that is what we want. I left in a state of contemplation and indecision. One thing she had said was ‘you could always wait and let him decide later on if that is something he wants to do’. That made a whole lot of sense to me. My parent’s were awesome enough to give me that right when it came to religion. They decided not to baptize me and instead let me choose if I wanted it later, which I didn’t. I know I am a heathen, but it makes me happy that they left the option up to me. So I started thinking maybe it should be that way with Nugget’s junk. Maybe he should be the one to decide whether he wants a turtleneck or not. 
Of course if we wait until he is old enough to decide, then we are talking about a scheduled surgery. I doubt insurance covers putting your teenager under the knife for a circumcision. Then what? He is out of school for a few weeks and tells his buddies he is going in to get chopped? Maybe I am oversensitive to this subject? Maybe I should just stick with my original decision to let Andy be the one in charge of it. But does anyone else feel a little guilty about delivering your beautiful little boy and then handing them over to someone to cut them?  

Pops Update

So I know a few of you might have been curious since I wrote here about how supposedly my dad got married, but I wasn’t sure. I did end up calling him and leaving a message. He got back into town last night and left me a message….I went to bed a little early, I can’t help it, I have been so sleepy and now that it is Fall all I want to do is curl in bed and read which leads to falling asleep early. Anyhoodles, we’re playing phone tag. But his girlfriend  whoops I guess it is wife now, that is weird, e-mailed me today with a couple of photos. Sorry for the poor quality they were in the body of the e-mail and I had to copy it and then print it as a pdf and then convert it to a jpeg. Basically lots of computer magic had to be done to get it into the blog. But it looks like it happened. And you know what I thought when I looked at it? I thought ‘wow my dad is pretty handsome’. I was kind of shocked too that I didn’t feel some sort of pang of sadness or something negative. But you know what I think? I think maybe I am over those feelings. 


Ever since I figured out that the biggest thing that bothered me about the situation was feeling like she was trying to take my mother’s role and decided that I didn’t have to let that happen, I have just been fine with everything. Even talking to her about the baby and stuff doesn’t bother me. I think the biggest change is just mentally. I sort of mentally sectioned off those pieces of my heart and that was all it took. Of course it could be this little nugget-man. He could be in there with a needle and thread sewing up my heart and making me feel whole again. Whoa this post is getting too touchy feeling. Gotta go peeps.



Nobody Poops but You and it’s a Mortal Sin

This post is going to have something to do with poo in case you hadn’t figured that out. The title is kind of a rip off from this comedian we were watching….a while ago I think….my internal timeline is all wonky. He was talking about potty training his toddler and how they went to a book store to get a book. The clerk hands them “Everybody Poops” and he tells them “Umm we’re Catholic” so the clerk says “Oh then you need ‘Nobody Poops but you, God is watching, and it’s a Mortal Sin'”. Obviously that stuck in my head. Hopefully I am not the first person to tell you that everybody poops. If you previously thought you were the only one, hopefully it is comforting to know that we’re here with you.  
Mkay, so here’s the deal. I think one of the most terrifying things about pregnancy is the possibility of getting hemroids. I don’t really know what hemroids look like, and no, I am not going to google it, I have an idea of what they are and they just scare the crap out of me. All I know is that you have to sit on a donut looking thing, they can be painful, and I would have to get through a check-out with some sort of ointment that would not be disguisable as something else. Anyhoodles, I realize with all the things that will probably happen to me over the next year, hemroids would be a tiny blip on the radar. I don’t know why I am so afraid of them, I just am.
So I have been trying to keep the pipes well oiled. Um did I mess that analogy up completely? Are there any pipes that you oil? Whatever people, just come along on my crazy train. I guess the surest way to avoid the hemroids is to never get to a point of extreme straining. You know what I am sayin’.
Well I am not sure what the consensus of pregnant/once pregnant people is, but I am kind of surprised how unpredictable that is. I mean you figure if you eat fruits and veggies and you exercise and drink water then things should stay pretty consistent from day to day. That doesn’t seem to be the case for me. One day, things will be running fine, and two days later, well I won’t go too much into it, let’s just say I think there are muscles in my neck that are a little sore. Then things will get back to normal. What the crap intestines?….I guess that pun works here.
I realize as Nugget grows stuff gets more squished, but apparently I need to overcompensate every once in a while. I thought I would never see the light of day again, as I was sitting there practically crying for some sort of help. All I could think about was if that rumor about Elvis dying while pooping was true. Was Andy going to come down and find me dead?
It takes me back to when I was about to start writing my thesis. Bear with me people, this will probably make sense. I was talking to the universe and I told it that if I was supposed to die, it better happen before I got started or it had to wait until I was done. There was something about dying in the middle of the process, after I had done so much work, but never gotten to the payoff, that was just too unfair. That is how I felt the other night. I couldn’t die now. I am right in the middle of making Nugget. If the universe was going to end my life, it should have done it before I got pregnant because now it has to wait until Nugget is done baking. I have to get to the payoff. Obviously I don’t want to die after Nugget is born, but you get the point….maybe.
Anyhoodles. I am now going to be extra dilligent to ensure that I never have to spend another second crying and praying I don’t end up like Elvis.

Pictures finally

Okay I realized it has taken me forever to get my pictures off my camera. I just never think about it until I am somewhere away from my camera and my computer. So without further ado, or some shit:

17 weeks

 18 weeks- AHH beer gut
 Rockstar
 Andy at 18 weeks, sadly looking more pregnant than me 🙂
 19 weeks – sporting my pre-preggo jeans. They are hanging in there for me.
But I think that is about to end


You can tell it’s a boy….

…when the gun is black and not pink.
Maybe other people experienced this too, but I’ve noticed Andy’s attitude toward baby stuff has been mostly “ah more presents for you (as in me, not the baby)”. To me this means he feels pretty unconnected, sort of side-lined if you will. The night before our ultrasound we were hanging out talking about Nugget. He was saying how he thinks it is a girl, but he was hoping it was a boy. It kind of hurt my feelings (no big surprise there) that he wasn’t more excited about the possibility that it could be a girl. I get that for some reason, maybe that whole having an hier thing, some men would choose to have a boy, rather than a girl, ya know if they could pick. I know I was reading too much into it, but it kind of made me think that he valued girls less. I don’t think that is it. I think it is more that he knows what to do with a boy. He knows how to handle all aspects of boys, having experience with it himself and all that. Anyhoodles, obviously I couldn’t have cared less which way it went and I still don’t. If Nugget pops out in March with a vajayjay, it wouldn’t matter at all to me. But I also am kind of excited that our little family has the potential to be like my family growing up. I have an older brother, which if you have been following my blog for a while, you will know I refer to him as Big Butter. He is awesome. I loved having an older brother growing up….or at least I did until he fought the law and the law won and the whole deal caused my parents all sorts of turmoil, but in the end he turned out to be one of the best human beings and the most caring and loving brothers a girl could ask for. I have to admit, knowing what Big Butter was like in his teenage years and then finding out what Andy was like around that same age, I am seriously contemplating military school for Nugget from like 15-18. I am going to try not to be freaked out and just take things as they come, but seriously peeps, boys that age are trouble. Well they are either trouble or they play in the marching band and get together with their friends in costume to play Magic or whatever that card game is. Yes obviously my view of possibilities for boys is limited. I realize that there are all sorts of possibilities of what could happen in the next 50-some years and there isn’t a whole lot I can control about how Nugget will be. The thing that makes me feel good about whatever is ahead of me, is knowing that Andy and Big Butter turned out great in the end. So I will just keep that in mind. Whoa I am bouncing way off the trail.
The whole point of this post was to say: after the ultrasound, I saw an opportunity to get Andy really excited about being a dad. So we stopped off at Gander Mountain to look at the Crickets. For those unfamiliar, Crickets are tiny kid rifles, they shoot baby 22 bullets, and they come in pink or black….actually I think there are more choices than that, but most places just carry the two colors. Andy had always said if it was a girl he would get her a pink one. Anyway, so we went in to look and this little fella was $99. Obviously it is going to be a few years before Nugget’s arms are even long enough to learn how to use it, but I knew how happy it would make Andy, so I told him to get it if he wanted to. So he did. And ever since then he has been talking about it as our new “home defense” gun. We had to fill out the paperwork for them to do a background check and we were laughing about the guy on the other end who would be looking at Andy’s records. He would be like “hmmm. Okay he has a high-cap. shot gun, a fighting carbine, an A.K., a sniper rifle, a 1911 and a glock. He is a licensed firearms instructor and he has a legal concealed carry license, …but I just think he has bad intentions with this Cricket….it is probably a sign he is going to snap”. Seriously though, do you think they look at all the guns you own and wonder why you would ever want a tiny 22 bolt action gun? If so, it might be kind of hilarious to be the person on the other end of that background check.
It was going to be a ridiculously long wait for the background check and plus there was this really annoying guy at the counter next to us trying to “school” the gun salesman with all his sweet knowledge about the new generation of glocks, which Andy pointed out he was wrong about. You could just tell the salesman was like ‘I hate my job’. We didn’t want to stand there and watch that any longer, so Andy decided he would come back the next day to get it. That was the day I went off to the big consignment sale with my SSIL and my SMIL, so I came home to a really excited Andy who had spent most of the day playing with the tiniest, least expensive gun we own.
So of course I took pictures and laughed at him. But you know what he said ‘I am finally starting to get really excited about being a dad. I can’t wait to teach him how to shoot’. And then he went into a schpeal about making him a tiny ghillie suit (camouflaged sniper suit) and posing him in the back yard to make it look like he is stalking up on someone. Needless to say, you guys might be in store for some pretty hilarious pictures here in the next few years.

Mr. Nugget

Well I tried to upload the video from the ultrasound but it was too big, boo. He was pretty deep in there, so the video wasn’t that clear anyway, plus nugget was chillaxing so there was no movement or anything to see. Instead here are some images. He was measuring at 20 weeks 1 day and we were supposedly at 19w5d. I think the due date is still the same. I have no idea how that works. It doen’t really matter because if he’s like his father, he will come out when he is good and ready. Wait that came out really dirty! Sorry about that. You know what I meant. I meant he will take his sweet time. I am going to stop while I am ahead.

 This one is my absolute favorite. He’s like ‘sup mom? how you doin’?’. I can’t wait to nibble on his little fingers.

I thought it was kick-ass when they color stuff. Here is the aorta running up and down the spine.
Here’s his little face.
Little round noggin
Lighting up the cord to show that the intenstines are now inside the body and the placenta is functioning as it should.
Little toes to nibble on too.
Updated evil punisher pose. Muahaahaaaa. He is probably plotting how to take over the world as I write.
Lighting up the chambers of the heart. Go heart! You appear to be doing a good job.
I was hoping to get a distinctive picture of his junk, but she basically zoomed in and said ‘here’s the scrotum’ and it was one of those pictures that you just had to be like ‘whatever you say, expert lady’. You guys are going to f’ing bust up with my next post. I will be showing you how we celebrated Andy’s “victory” of making a boy. I appologize for making this into like five posts in advance.

It appears to be….

A Boy! Our appointment was Friday at 2pm and I wanted to tell you all, but then you would have spent the past 24 hours with baited breath looking for my post. It was so much fun spending the night talking about future Mr. Nugget and knowing that Andy and I…okay and the ultrasound tech…were the only ones who knew. The phone wasn’t ringing off the hook from parents and friends because everyone was still expecting us to find out next Friday. And it was fun getting everything ready to surprise our parents. For Andy’s parents in PA I ordered an arrangement of all white flowers and then called them back as soon as we knew so they could put a blue ribbon on the vase and write “It’s a Boy” on the card. 
For my SMIL and SSIL, I gave them the cupcakes this morning, I didn’t quite have the energy to die the icing blue or the batter….because I wanted to make chocolate cupcakes mmmmm, so I put blue sprinkles on the top. I gave each of them a white chinese take-out box that I got at Michael’s this morning before we went to the consignment sale and told them they needed to open it. Sure enough my SMIL opened it and asked ‘hmmm why is it blue?’. They were really excited and I was super excited to be able to pick out lots of little overalls for Nugget. Don’t worry I will take lots of pictures and show you the cute stuff I found!
As for everyone else, I let Andy go nuts. He called his dad and sister and pretty much everyone else we know. I called my Grandpa Gumbo, who after saying hello said ‘How’s my Great Grandson?’ when I told him it was indeed a boy he was like ‘yeah like I said’. Hahaha so sassy. I also called my Grandma and had to spend 15 minutes “mmm hmmm”ing while she talked about getting stuff ready to go to Good Will. Finally I was able to tell her it was going to be a little boy. Then I spent the next 30 minutes listening to the same stories she always tells me. I promise to post lots of pictures from the ultrasound soon. But right now I need to sleep :). 
But if you are wondering, yes, now I am thinking back about having a penis growing inside me . hahaha.