Not Worth It

Transitioning Jack to bottlefeeding is turning out to be torturous!!!!! (definitely needed those extra exclamation points). Everything started out just fine. Per the advice of the books we’ve read and our midwife, I gave Andy a bottle with only two ounces in it and left the house to run some errands right around “eatin” time. Jack smiled a big goofy smile at Andy and accepted the bottle into his mouth and after a minute of fooling around with it began crying…..which he proceeded to do for the rest of the time I was gone. When I came back he was asleep in his swing, which has become his new tactic. I call it the “this is not happening” tactic. Okay bottle one didn’t go so well. But we weren’t going to give up. The next night we tried again. This time I just went downstairs and hung out. After a couple hours of crying I came back upstairs and I tried giving him the bottle. Low and behold he took it. Granted this time I had only filled it with 1 ounce because there was no need to waste two ounces again. But he took it! YAY! Victory!!!! The next day we tried again, with two ounces this time, and after a little bit of crying he took that too! Saaawweeetttt! He is getting it (thought me). He took another bottle the next day with very little crying and I thought we were just going to get better and better from there. Nope! The next day we tried he seemed to have regressed back to attempt number one. He was not taking it no matter how long we waited. Damn! The next bottle….same thing. No dice. He seemed to know there were better things out there and he wasn’t settling for this rubber nipple crap. 
So we went back to the basics. Perhaps I had been too zealous in thinking that he could take a bottle while i was around…or even from me. Let’s go back to square one. I left the house again this time for longer to try to give Andy the time he needed to try again. But again, Jack triumphed…..he gets his stubborness from his father. 
I decided that this week, being my last week home with him, I would really give it a go. He can last two hours without eating…he can last four hours without eating, but he can’t go all day (thought me). When I was out running errands I decided to pick up one of those bottles that simulates breast feeding. I thought to myself “this is the magic bottle!”. So Monday morning Andy left for school and I set out to get this bottle feeding business figured out (thought me). His last nursing was at 6am and then at 8 I pumped and put it in a bottle. We sat there all day…..with Jack going from screaming uncontrollably to passing out with his “this is not happening” tactic. When 4pm rolled around and he still hadn’t made any progress at taking the bottle, and the “magic bottle” turned out to not do the trick, I realized one thing, this is totally not worth it. I brought myself to tears when I realized that this was one of my last days home with him and this is definitely not how I wanted to spend it. I had been patient and understanding all day, but I was falling apart. He was winning this battle. So I picked him up and put him to my breast. I rubbed his little head and thought “Andy will have better luck”. He might have a rough couple of days when I first go back, but it will get figured out by the end of the first week. And then he will have three months with Jack where he is taking the bottle. There was just no way I wanted to spend my last week fighting him. 
Andy last final was on Wednesday. Jack and I went up to Boulder with him. I took him down by the Boulder Creek and nursed him on a bench in the trees. We listened to the water flowing; it was so relaxing and special. I rubbed his fuzzy little head and kissed his fingers. Then we walked downtown. Along the Pearl Street Mall and then over to the library. He was taking a nap so I sat in the library and wrote an entry in the journal I have been keeping for him. Then we walked back up towards the car. We drove over to Panera and grabbed lunch…well for me. Then it was time to go pick Andy up. It was just a wonderful day. 
I was glad I gave up the bottle-battle. It would have been miserable trying to do that every day for the rest of this week. Today, since Andy is out of school officially, he decided to give it a go. I took a bottle down to him and came upstairs to clean. Then I went outside and started weeding the backyard and picking up dog poo. So much fun. I could hear his little cries the entire time. Andy was having about the same go of it that I was. I came back in and took a shower, all the while hoping that it was getting worked out. But here we are at 2pm and the battle is still ensuing. Dang it! 
This is definitely proving to be the most difficult aspect of Jack. He has been an absolutely easy baby in every way except for this one. I keep telling myself if this is the most difficult part of him, I will take it. You know like maybe I can trade “difficulty bottle feeding” for not having to worry about him doing drugs, robbing banks, or just generally getting into trouble as a teenager. Man I wish that was how things went. 
He’s drinking!!!!!! He’s taking the bottle right now, as I type! WOOHOOO! Okay I have to go do a happy dance. I will let you know how things progress as we continue this process. 


7 thoughts on “Not Worth It

  1. I'm totally crossing my fingers for ya. I like the idea of you leaving the room while Andy is giving him the bottle. There is no reason to torture everyone. You should at least get a little break while that craziness is going on (if you call weeding and picking up poop a break). 🙂

  2. I hope things get better in this department for all 3 of you – doesn't sound fun at all. 😦 But your day alone with Jack out and about sounds wonderful!

  3. Love you again for sharing a very real side of parenting…the big "little" battles. This is exactly what I mean when I say "Other Mom's just 'get it'" It all takes me back :-)Laura screaming, milk dribbling out of the bottle and her acting like it was poison… me crying in frustration… It seems so easy to just say, "start a bottle" but it's a whole different thing to live the weeks of actually accomplishing such a simple task. Good job choosing the quality time too, it will mean so much to you to have done that!

  4. Wow, I'm exhaisted just reading that! So glad he seems to be making progress though :)So cute that you're keeping a journal for him. What a sweet gift 🙂

  5. Pingback: An Ode to My Chesticles | pajamasarecomfy

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