I think sometimes I forget that life isn’t a competition. No one gets out alive after all. But lately I have had to remind myself that motherhood specifically is not a competition…or at least it shouldn’t be. Women can be so catty. If we thought the talking-behind-your-back behaviour was bad in our teenage years, it is catastrophic now, and, as demonstrated by Crazy Grandma, it becomes nuclear when we are old. I choose to believe our brains are just so high functioning (as opposed to men) that we have to constantly roll thoughts around in our head. Unfortunately these thoughts aren’t always positive. But I am pretty certain that they stem from the doubts we have about ourselves.
Motherhood and its quest for achievment is a littered shit storm of self-doubt. ‘Why won’t Jack take a bottle?….is it because I stood too close to the microwave when I was pregnant?’. And before I was pregnant the thoughts were ‘What is wrong with me that I can’t have babies?…Was I born with boy and girl parts and my parents never told me?’. It is all these doubts and negative thoughts about ourselves that, in my opinion, make us hate on those around us.
She didn’t even want a kid…She didn’t take care of herself during pregnancy…She didn’t breastfeed because it was too hard…She is just complaining about her pregnancy because she’s a wimp…She just opted for a c-section/epidural/whatever-the-heck because she didn’t want to try….et cetera et cetera et cetera.
My question is this: When did we start having it out for each other? I mean wasn’t the unifying factor about women that we were nurturing and understanding and shit? Maybe I am an idealist, but I feel like we should all be supportive of one another, especially when it comes to motherhood. The blogisphere is great in that women can help reassure one another when we hit those patches of uncertainty. Whether you are unsure about a new hairstyle or struggling with IF or trying to deal with a colicky baby. It seems like, for the most part, we are all here for each other in a gather-’round-the-camp-fire-and-sing-kumbaya kind of way. Of course the great thing about the blogisphere is if we stumble upon a hater (at least a serious hater….comedic teasing haters like myself are okay) we can just go on our happy little way and never look back.
Basically what I am saying is: I have decided to take a vow of unending support and lack of judgement…..I have tried to be this way throughout my life, but I think even I need reminders. We are all out here doing the best we can at this life business and you can count on me to be here to pull you up when you need it and not shove your face in the mud…..unless we are horsing around and there is a big mud puddle….you get the idea.
I hope you all will join me. I hope we can continue to share our stories of heartache and uncertainty, regret and failure, hope and success, lack of bladder control and strange mole growth. I promise never to post a button on my blog that says “Breast is Best” because you know what? not everyone can do it, for a plethora of reasons, and it would make them feel bad for me to basically say ‘you aren’t doing what is best for your kid’. Just like I wouldn’t feel good reading ‘women who go back to work neglect their children’. Similarly I will never buy a shirt that says ‘I make people, what’s your super power?’. Sure it seems good natured and silly, but even I can see how that statement can be hurtful. We are all trying our darndest to do the best we can.
All that being said: Oak you’re exempt from the above statement. I am totally going to hate on you for the fact that Mac Attack easily takes a bottle (mostly because it means you can drink more than me and not worry about damaging your kid’s liver), sleeps through the night, your boobs are milk producing super stars, and your blonde……okay I have never actually wanted to be a blonde and I realize I could be if I want to, I just threw that one in there for the heck of it. Haha!