So I hate to post this, but I know how many of you out there are struggling with the same things. So here it is. Apparently my kid is broken again. He went almost two weeks of bottle feeding like a champ, taking 10-15 ounces a day, and then….stopped. !@#$%^&*((()(*&&&&&^!@#$%^&!@#$% Obviously there are not enough cuss words in the world to express the frustration there. Mostly it sucks for Andy. Because he is dealing with a screaming baby and Jack recently got his big boy lungs, so the screaming has taken on a much broader range and higher pitches than it used to…….arg! Maybe I should just call the lactation consultant again because the day I talked to her was the day he magically started eating. Soooo back to where we were. Reverse cycling can suck it. I will let you know if/when we achieve success again. Until then, Andy is coming down to work for lunch today. We didn’t go out for our anniversary dinner, so we thought sushi lunch sounded like fun to warm up for a big night that will hopefully happen sometime in the next couple of weekends…..since obviously I overbooked us for this weekend. Opps my bad. So I will feed Jack at noon and hopefully that will make Andy’s afternoon a bit easier.
In uplifting news: I almost annihilated my in-laws toilet during our vacay to Philly last weekend. Here’s how. So I am kind of a shy pooer. I talked about this like a bagillion years ago…or maybe I didn’t? If I didn’t, then here’s a new fun fact about me, I hate pooping anywhere besides my own toilet. Now when I was pregnant my tune had to change a bit. The name of the game became “poop when you can” because there was definitely a struggle every so often and if I didn’t take the opportunity when offered it could be a while until another opportunity arose…..do you get my drift there? Constipation people. I am talking about constipation and the few and far between opportunities when your bowels suddenly decide to grace you by doing their job. Well if I thought constipation would end when nugget left the womb hahahaha was I wrong. No matter what I eat, things that would normally have me shitting my pants if I coughed, the bowels do their own thing. Jack is the only one who benefits from my poo-enducing food choices. I still generally struggle.
Before we left for Philly though, things were working great. I was pooing like everyday or pretty close to it. Victory. Then we arrived at my in-laws and the shy pooer in me reared her ugly head. Now on a normal visit we would have been alone upstairs in one of the two guest rooms and no one else would be using the bathroom up there. But since Andy’s Step-dad’s mom was visiting from Florida and has trouble getting up and down the stairs, she slept in the master bedroom on the first floor and his parents slept in the other guest room upstairs….thus sharing the bathroom I otherwise might have been less shy to poo in.
So the first day, no poo. Got about halfway through the second day and started worrying about getting clogged up again, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. I bought myself some chocolate covered raisins when we were at this amish-run flee market. I ate a handful and gave it time to work its magic. Well by Saturday morning and still no poo, I decided to up the dosage…plus I like chocolate, so I may have gotten a bit carried away. On Saturday night I took Jack up to give him a bath and I could tell something was a-brewin’. I got him ready for bed and took him back downstairs to hang out with everyone. I literally said ‘be right back’ because the plan was I would be right back…..um yeah.
I thought it would just be a normal “portion” but apparently those raisins just got everything out of there. I sat down and literally pushed once. When I stood up I thought ‘holy shit! what do I do now?’. Now why my in-laws do not have a plunger in their bathroom is beyond me. I have a plunger in both of our bathrooms because there is only one thing more embarrassing than clogging someone elses toilet and that is having to go ask them for a plunger…..which I wasn’t about to do.
Armed with a toilet brush and some prayers I somehow was able to get everything to go down….after about 5 flushes. Thank bejesus their walls are heavily insulated and the upstairs bathroom doesn’t sit above the living room. Otherwise they would have totally figured out what was going on…..but there was an issue after the flushing. The toilet brush was not in the same condition I had found it in. ‘Okay how can I fix this without giving myself away?’. I decided it had to be cleaned in the shower….and I would have to then take a shower to show that there was a reason the shower was running and I was gone for so very long. I snuck out of the bathroom to get my shower things and tiptoed back to the bathroom. After cleaning the brush and putting it back where it belonged, double checking there was no evidence of what just went down…literally…I took the speediest shower I possibly could.
In the end no one was the wiser. The whole time this was happening I was picturing what my mother-in-law would say if she had found out what was going on. ‘you should have flushed a few times during’. Every time we are at the lake she reminds us that the toilet isn’t very powerful due to being on a septic system and suggests if we have to do anything besides pee (are there really that many other options?) we should flush mid-way through. But believe me there wasn’t an opportunity for that. But I definitely wasn’t expecting that volume in the first place.
Basically the moral of this story is, don’t be a shy pooer and if you are, then don’t try to remediate the problem by forcing the system. Just wait until you get home….or ‘run out for something’ and annihilate a Walmart bathroom somewhere. You won’t see those people again.