A new kind of 2WW

Sorry I have been M.I.A. I have a post I want to do, but it requires me to upload some pictures…which did you know that camera’s need to have like a charged battery to upload pictures? Weird. So yeah, maybe next week on that one.

I am in a new 2 WW and strangely it is not as hard as the pregnancy 2WW….granted I have been in this new 2WW for a whole 18 minutes or so, so I guess I am probably speaking too soon.

I finally did it. ‘members that post I wrote while pregnant about how some of my molies were a-growin’? Well I decided to wait until after Jack was born to make an appointment with a dermatologist. Mostly because my midwife took a look at them and said I do need to get them checked out, but chances are I will have to have them biopsied and open wounds when you’re about to stretch to deliver a baby might not be good. She told me it was pretty normal that things grow while you’re pregnant. So I decided to wait.

Now don’t chastise me for waiting four months. It isn’t that I didn’t think this was important, but I just kept an eye on them and they haven’t really changed. Now that time seems to be a little freer I made the appointment.

Long story short, he biopsied 3 areas. One on my cheek, holla if you see me, I am the one with a bandaid on my face….thinking I will go get some sweet ones like hello kitty or something since I have to continue to vasaline and bandaid the biopsy areas for a couple of days. Go big or go home right?…One on my left calf. That one wasn’t on the planned list, but I looked at it a week ago and I was like ‘hey is this one different?’…turns out the doctor said it looked strange so he wanted to biopsy that one. And the big one that was of most concern down by my vajayjay.

Turns out that is a hard area to examine…and super awkward. Appointment started out with him looking me over and then he said I could point out the ones I was concerned about. I was instructed to leave on my undergarments so the biggie wasn’t readily visible. When we got to the pointing out time I started with the face one. He said ‘yeah it looks like maybe just an oil duct impacted with a mole, but, not to scare you, but sometimes that is what cancer looks like’. Awesome! I am sure that doesn’t worry you peeps either right?….hahaha. Don’t worry it will be fine.

Okay are you warmed up? Relaxed? Just want to check because I don’t want you to panic when I tell you about the big one. Alrighty…so I akwardly say ‘and there is another one really low in my pubic area’. So I laid back and pulled the undies down. He took a quick look and said ‘hmm….okay well. Let’s get those other two biopsied and then I want to take a better look at that one with more magnification and better light. I’ll be right back’. He went to get the nurse to prep me. But at this point I was like ‘hey that didn’t seem too bad, maybe it looks pretty normal to him’.

Nurse comes in, numbs me up. Hahaha. okay so she was all ‘alright I am going to inject you. It is going to be a little pinch and then some pain as the medication goes in’. I wanted to be like ‘you’re sweet, but I did just have a baby’. We should get a sticker that says ‘Natural Birth = Slightly Higher than Normal Pain Tolerance’. That isn’t very catchy. Someone work on that for me. Obviously the needles were barely noticeable.

Doc comes back in, quickly shaves off the top of the two spots and then has me pull down my undies again to take a better look at….let’s call him Gigantor! because I like to name things….
He looks for a bit and then he pulls back and says (with worried eyes) ‘okay well, I see a lot of these on women. I don’t know why, but things grow down there and they get big. This one doesn’t look that good. I will tell you that 90% of the time when I biopsy one they come back abnormal. So then you would have to go to a plastic surgeon to have it removed.’ He asked me some more questions to make sure that I noticed it growing and that it has in fact changed. Which didn’t make his worry face get better. He asked me what I wanted to do.

It was weird it was kind of like he was asking ‘I can biopsy it, but it will probably come back abnormal or we could not biopsy it’. I wanted to be like ‘so if we don’t biopsy it then do I get a unicorn or some sort of door prize?’. It didn’t really seem like a choice. Or at least it seemed like an illogical one. He was probably saying ‘we could not biopsy it and you could continue to stay in your much adored DenialLand’.

Anyway obviously that was the main reason I was there, so biopsy it I did….well he did. I walked out of there with two bandaids and some gauze stuffed in my underwear…because bandaids don’t stick well to hair…TMI? Sorry. Now I have instructions to lubricate and bandage them for a couple of days to help them heal and that it will be a 2WW to find out the results.

I texted my pal Oak….since she is the veteran skin cancer connoisseur…wait connoisseur doesn’t just apply to food, wine and beer right? I am 98% certain Oak doesn’t not eat skin cancer…but that does leave a 2% margin…just kidding of course I know connoisseur doesn’t just apply to food, wine and beer. She told me that if it is bad news they often call you right away. So that is good….well bad, but good in that you don’t have to wait as long…..you get what I am saying.

Then we B.S.ed about how apparently I have been tanning my pink parts too much. All in all peeps, I am not scared. This will be okay, no matter what happens. Best case scenario would be that it is nothing….or they are all nothing. Worse scenario is that I get some plastic surgery and you can all tease me for being ‘so L.A.’ and the absolute worst case scenario…well we don’t go there in this blog because I am an optimist. There are no worst case scenarios here. Look elsewhere for those.

Anyhoodles. Hope you all have a kick ass weekend. I have a shit ton of stuff to do before our garage sale tomorrow. And we meet with a home daycare this afternoon. So busy day ahead. Gotta hit the road.


Thought Vomit Thursday: Say What?

Ready for some more Thought Vomit? Me too!

  • This may come as a shock to all of you, but apparently if you eat cookies, brownies, ice cream, and burgers and do almost nothing as far as exercise goes weight does not just drop off of your flabby tummy. Now that you have gotten over the intial shock of that idea, you should also know that apparently breast feeding is amazing because whilst I haven’t done that great in the past month-ish, I didn’t gain weight either. I consider that a ridiculous victory because I have never been able to eat whatever I wanted without having to face serious consequences weight-wise. Is this what it feels like to be a normal person? Weird…..Okay so it isn’t like I eat crazy every day, but I also haven’t been like ‘I had a cookie yesterday so I shouldn’t have a brownie today’. I am like ‘fuck it, get that brownie in my face!’. So looks like I am exactly where I was a month ago when I wrote this post….well I guess a little below that because of the whole drop before my life insurance physical. So I have 25-ish pound to go and 5 months……and still 2 1/2 miles because, like I said, I haven’t even pushed myself to exercise regularly. I promise though, I will get busy on this.
  • Building on that previous thought, I bought a bike trailer for nugget! And it was kind of an epic find. I was at Target on Monday grabbing a box of diapers and I thought ‘I should go check and see if that bike trailer is still on sale’. I saw it on sale a few weeks ago for $20 off…but it must have been my lucky day because it was on Clearance, for $80. Which was 50% off the original price. Woohoo!
  • Tomorrow night is Summer Brewfest and in turn, the second time Andy’s parent’s will be watching Jack……and I am nervous. I mean I am excited about the beer obviously, but I am nervous because Jack still isn’t doing awesome at the bottle thing. Well that isn’t exactly fair. He seems to be flip flopping a bit. Yesterday he took four ounces, the day before he took 8! woohoo. But basically he isn’t being consistent. Andy said that the biggest difference between now and the first few months is that Jack doesn’t cry or scream when you give him the bottle. We’re only going to be gone about 4 hours so I know he’ll be fine. My prediction is that he will not take anything while we’re gone….but I just hope that he will cooperate because *gulp* we haven’t exactly admitted to our parents that Jack regressed back into not cooperating with the bottle……it just felt like admitting defeat. Anyway fingers crossed that they don’t even notice and they just have a great time. My plan: feed the shit out of him….wait that sounds totally wrong…before we go. Then when they arrive tell them to put him down to sleep at 7:30 or 8pm and then hope he sleeps for a good hour or two, then, in theory he will only be awake for about an hour before we get home. I’ll report back on this one.
  • On the previous topic, I must buy a bag of pretzels tonight and make some pretzel necklaces. I have learned our lesson from Brewfest 2009. After a while, you can’t taste the difference between the beers. Thus pretzel necklaces.
  • We’re gearing up for a garage sale, not this weekend, but next. And I am feeling the urge to purge. Maybe it is because I watched Ho.arders on Net.flix a few weeks ago. Andy’s new favorite statement from the show is “errant feces”. Thank bejesus that we don’t have errant feces to worry about.  In the spirit of purging, I decided it is time to get rid of my english saddle……which leads to a new fun fact about Natalie. I used to have horses and ride them. And whilst I am a Colorado native, so in turn you might think ‘cowgirl’, I was in fact down with the brits and chose to shun Western saddles and cowboy boots. There is just something about those sassy little jodfer pants and knee high boots. Anyway, I decided while I do one day hope to have horses again, since  I don’t have them now, I should get rid of the saddle….well if I can. If I can’t then I will continue to go out to the garage and sit on my saddle horse and pretend that I am riding…..wait I have never done that.
His name is Franklin…he’s a Belgium or a Thoroughbred. It depends on the day.
  • I feel like I should do an update about pumping breast milk at work. Because things have changed since my original post. So first off, I did stick to the pumping 3 times a day for at least a month and I do think that was important to keep my supply going while making the transition back to work. But after Oak reported that she was pumping the same amount, and sometimes more, when she went down to two sessions instead of three, I decided to try it out. So here’s the new schedule and some numbers to give you an idea of where things are. I pump around 9:30a and then again at 2:30p. I feed Jack at 5:30a and then a 6pm right when I get home. My numbers have gone down a little bit. Sometimes it worries me, but I’ll get to that in a minute. Pump #1….oh you should know that I have dubbed “pumping time” “Hammer Time” which is why Oak and I often have MC Hammer stuck in our head and a strange desire to wear gold lame hammer pants. Hahaha look at this shit!
  • Anyway Pump #1 gets me between 6-9 ounces. On a good day it is 9-10, but recently it has been on the lighter side. So I have started taking Fenugreek and drinking lots of water. Who knew hydration was the key? Dumb = Natalie. Pump #2 gets me 7 or 8 ounces. All in all I usually head home with at least 12 ounces and on a good day closer to 18…..which if your kid is anything like Oak’s Mac Attack, is not enough to sustain him for a day. Mac drinks 4 – 5 ounce bottles at daycare…is that right Oak? So obviously my 12 ounces would not sustain Mac for a day at day care. But for Jack it works out…..and I have a ridiculous looking freezer. I seriously need to take a picture for you. I experimented a bit and it turned out Oak’s findings and my own were the same. It didn’t matter if i pumped three times a day or twice I would get the same amount.
  • That leads me to my thought vomit about day care. So I started this process like a year ago, but turns out you can’t really advance plan with smaller or home daycares. We looked at the larger day cares and those are still real options for us, but now that we’re 5 weeks away from Jack starting day care, my pants are on fire to look at the smaller daycares to compare. Ah the stress! Obviously we would love something that is convenient to get to and that doesn’t send us to the poor house, but most important is to find someone I trust with my kid. Weird thought I know. Anyway “Project Find a Day Care” is fully underway. AHHH the STRESSS!!!! Good thing tomorrow night is Brewfest. That is all I have to say.

Enjoying Life Dos

 Dudes! I just realized I have been doing you a great disservice as of late. I have forgotten to include random snippets of “culture” into my posts by adding things like “numero dos” and “mi zapatos”….Sorry about that peeps. I promise to restart the cultural infusion that you have come to expect from me….bahhhaaaa. So white it’s not even funny. Okay here are the pictures from our hike.

“Dudes why am I sitting alone on the ground?”
Checking out the lake ‘yep looks like a lake’
He was hard to catch because he turns his head faster than my camera takes a picture. Sneaky little bugger

Blurry but cute anyway.

‘This outside stuff is fun’

That is Twin Sister’s in the background.

“Blackhead Mountain” as Andy has named it and Longs Peak in the background with the snow.

Andy pointing out “columbines” to Jack. They were in fact not columbines, but he knows it bothers me when he says the wrong name of things. Other things he pointed out included “And this is the Deadwood Tree (Nope…just a dead tree) named after the TV show. When the TV show came out they decided to start a town named Deadwood”. I guess at 4 months old it doesn’t really matter what you say to him, he seems to just like the fact that you are having a grown-up conversation. It is kind of hilarious that he is starting to shy away from people who talk to him in a “baby voice”.
Eh while I am on a picture kick. Here are some more from recent happenings:
“Hi there!”

“I got this Dad”

“Hmmm not sure if this swinging business is for me”

“Oh but this is totally kick ass”

“I just want to point out how ridiculous you guys are for buying this towel”

Hmm what is going on here. What happens when you add Me + Andy + his sister + a bag of crayola markers….?

“Are you guys seriously my parents?…..I can’t believe how much this is making you laugh….Dorks”. Watch out ladies he looks like he is out to steal your virtue

Or he’s a three musketeer…..yeah sorry kid better start saving now for counseling.

Come, Drink….Enjoy Life

The summer between my freshman and sophomore year in college, we took a family trip to Norway and Sweden. My mom’s bandmate’s father, Einar, owned a cabin on a fjord in Norway and we stayed a few days with him. He was probably in his mid-70s back then (9 years ago) and that guy could drink all of us under the table. Gotta love those Weegies….by the way if you haven’t watched Doug Stanhope’s “No Refunds” do it …”stomp some Weegie ass!” There’s a little snippet to get your tasters watering.
Anyway one afternoon, whilst staying with him, we went to dinner at this really lovely italian restaurant. And we had several bottles of wine. Started off with a glass of red then white….then I lost track. After dinner we went back to the cabin and he brought out cheese, grapes, chocolate and, yep, more wine. After a few hours sitting on the patio my dad made the comment ‘I am going to have to stop drinking’. Einar threw his arms out and exclaimed ‘don’t be silly come, drink, enjoy life!’.
That kind of became our family motto from that point on.
So today, on my mom’s birthday, I can’t help but be reminded of that statement and think of how happy and vibrant she was on that trip. My original plan for celebrating her birthday was to go up to the mountains and hike Twin Sisters, which is where my dad spread her ashes. I was going to take Jack in his hiking backpack, buy a giant bag of M&Ms (Mom and my favorite hiking snack) and take our time getting up there. After reading reviews of the hike and conferring with my dad, the hike is about 8 miles round trip and pretty strenuous. The last mile is the hardest because you are exposed to wind and weather…..soooo  I started rethinking my plan.
Instead I decided to go to Lilly Lake. It is right at the base of Twin Sisters and is a beautiful hike just right for a baby in a backpack and an out of shape post-partum lady. Andy came with me and we talked about how we want to start going on hikes every weekend. Jack was hilarious (pictures to come) and would not stop smiling. It was so cute. The drive through the mountains alone reminded me of all the time I spent with mom and dad on those same roads, enjoying the mountain air.
On the way home we stopped at Oscar Blues in Lyons and fulfilled the mantra by having a couple pints of beer. It was a beautiful day. Now hopefully you will come on a little ride as I post some pictures of my mom.

Something about her little pants and determined walk just make me giggle.

My dad had that brown corduroy suit for decades and broke it out for such occasions as the “Father Daughter Dance”. Wouldn’t be surprised if it were still in his closet.

Big butter….well little Big Butter back then.

She said I would never fall asleep at night. She would rock me forever and as she was dozing off, she would look down and my big eyes were open staring up at her saying ‘hiya! this is great!’. I was reminded of that story last night as I was feeding Jack before bed. After “resting my eyes” I looked down and his baby blues were wide open smiling up at me.

Alright peeps. Get out there: Drink! Enjoy Life. July 19th is officially Drink and Enjoy Life day. So get yourself a bar of dark chocolate, a bottle of wine, some grapes and cheese maybe….or if you’d rather a six pack and a bag of potato chips. Pick your poison people. Just get out there and enjoy life.

Mid-Life Crisis Thanks Dad

Dad just purchased a 2008 Mustang Bullitt and while I am not traditionally a fan of new mustangs I have to say I am totally cool with this one….. because it is pretty zippy. And this mid-life crisis/sieze the day purchase means I get to drive it sometimes.
Andy and I both took it for a spin yesterday and it sparked the discussion that we need to just hurry up and buy my dream car. After a bit of animated chatting though we relaxed back down to the original agreement which is to think about my dream car after he is done with school……but it has me dreaming. So let’s take a quick look.  
Hello beautiful! That’s right peeps I’m going old school. ’68 Chevelle SS. That is my dream car. And someday she will be mine….o yes….she will be mine. Color yet to be determined, but this one is pretty hot. So this sparks the discussion. What’s your dream car?

Thought Vomit Thursday

Everyone seems to enjoy the whole “Wordless Wednesday” posts….well I don’t for some reason. Wednesdays seem to bring out my wordiest blog posts. Maybe it is a subconscious rebellion to all you silent folks who want to post a picture instead of giving me something substantial to get me through to the other side of the work week. Anyway, I thought I would start something for Thursdays “Thought Vomit Thursdays”. You know when you have 5-10 random thoughts, but it is almost Friday, you’re kind of tired, and you’re not really seeing how to make those thoughts into a coherent post? Voila “Thought Vomit Thursdays” are for you!
Here’s mine:

  • Jack is 4 months old today. 4 MONTHS! Do you realize that means that I am only 8 months away from having to decide how to get out of throwing him a ridiculously cutsey birthday party? You read that right. I don’t want to throw him an official 1st birthday party. I think they are ridiculous. They are cute and I am sure it will be unavoidable, but I don’t think anyone will deny that having a 1st birthday party is really more for the grandparents than it is for the baby. Andy and I have already decided we have about two years before we need to buy Jack any real presents for his birthday and Christmas. We in fact have already decided we will wrap up boxes full of our tupperware and cooking utensils because for the first few years a kid doesn’t really care too much about the present. That makes birthday parties awkward. Here you are a parent and your kid is like ‘um I am going to look everywhere else but at the present you are holding in front of my face saying ‘ooo look! isn’t this Soooo coool?'”. Therefore I must establish a plan to avoid a 1st Birthday party. And my initial idea is to go on vacation. Let the grandparents celebrate if they must, but we will be out of town….and so will Jack.
  • National Debt Limit – Okay I don’t really want to go into politics on my blog, but seriously people are we ever going to take responsibility for our spending? When will the government stop and really think about what they are doing spending us into the poor house. Guess what? America isn’t going to be a great super power if we are primarily owned by other countries. Okay I am getting off this soap box before it gets out of hand. I know what will probably happen, they will pass the debt limit increase. But it is time we insist the government listen….nope seriously getting off the soap box…..damn it is hard to get down from here.
  • Cube farm – So our office is moving in a few weeks. Not far away…we are literally moving like 1 mile just so our address is in the City of Denver. A group of us went to lunch yesterday and stopped by the new space. I was all excited at first to see what kind of “inspiring” views we might have and what not. The result? Utter disappointment when I realize it will just be another cube farm. The upgrade for me will be I will have a view of a window through the window of my boss’s office. So that is something…….a sad something. *sigh*
  • Productivity/multi-tasking – I have decided i could get more done if I looked like this at work:

Muah ha haaaa

 So I have received the “Overlord Award” from Josey, which pretty much has to be the best fuckin’ award on the plant. Basically it is like 3 wishes, but the name gives it a dungeons and dragons feel. So come ye and listen to the three edicts I doth spew….or something like that.
Natalie’s Rule #1: The weekend and work week are reversed. From now on we work 2 eight hour days and have 5 days off for the same pay. Not enough time with your kids? Ta da! Now you are barely away from them. You want to travel more but don’t have enough vacation time? Ta da! Now you can go on a trip every week if you want.
Natalie’s Rule #2: The length of the days in Summer and Winter will be reversed. Yes I realize that isn’t how seasons work, but it is my fuckin’ rules, so abide or get out. From now on Winter will have longer sunnier days and Summer days will be shorter. ‘But Why Natalie? Why would you want to do that?’. Because people Winter days are too short. Basically you wake up and it’s dark and you get out of work and it’s dark. Don’t you wish you could get more done in the winter? Like make snow angels after work and/or go sledding? Well now you can. “But Natalie why would you want to change anything about Summer?’. Um because it is hot as balls some days. My favorite thing about Summer is that on really hot days, when the sun sets it is the perfect temperature to be doing things. It is still warm enough to go swimming. After the sun goes down you don’t burn your ass sitting on stadium seats. Plus there is no fear of getting sunburned. So Rule #2 combined with Rule #1 and your whole world is going to be CRAZY different! Oh and there are no mosquitos during Summer either…or moths. Yes I realize that is like a separate rule, but I am in charge here people. Don’t question my authoratea
Natalie’s Rule #3: Personal stylists and Photographers. From now on everyone will have their own personal stylist and photographer. Not only do you no longer have to worry about capturing that special moment, but you don’t have to worry if you looked okay when it happened. Someone is there to cover you. When you get up in the morning your stylist is there with a cup of chai (because coffee is gross), hands you your favorite magazine and magically transforms you into a hottie. She’ll pick out your outfit and it will never make you look fat, in fact it will always make you look 10-20 pounds lighter. Her morning transformation will take 45 seconds, so you’re not wasting too much time. Then you’ll be set for the day. Then your personal photographer, who is invisible and not annoying, is there to capture all the awesome things that happen when your head is like ‘wish I had a picture of that’. Now you do.
Okay now it is time to bestow the gift of Overlord to someone else:
Tegan Go!
Steph Go! Wait did you already get picked?
Kate Go!