So I have received the “Overlord Award” from Josey, which pretty much has to be the best fuckin’ award on the plant. Basically it is like 3 wishes, but the name gives it a dungeons and dragons feel. So come ye and listen to the three edicts I doth spew….or something like that.
Natalie’s Rule #1: The weekend and work week are reversed. From now on we work 2 eight hour days and have 5 days off for the same pay. Not enough time with your kids? Ta da! Now you are barely away from them. You want to travel more but don’t have enough vacation time? Ta da! Now you can go on a trip every week if you want.
Natalie’s Rule #2: The length of the days in Summer and Winter will be reversed. Yes I realize that isn’t how seasons work, but it is my fuckin’ rules, so abide or get out. From now on Winter will have longer sunnier days and Summer days will be shorter. ‘But Why Natalie? Why would you want to do that?’. Because people Winter days are too short. Basically you wake up and it’s dark and you get out of work and it’s dark. Don’t you wish you could get more done in the winter? Like make snow angels after work and/or go sledding? Well now you can. “But Natalie why would you want to change anything about Summer?’. Um because it is hot as balls some days. My favorite thing about Summer is that on really hot days, when the sun sets it is the perfect temperature to be doing things. It is still warm enough to go swimming. After the sun goes down you don’t burn your ass sitting on stadium seats. Plus there is no fear of getting sunburned. So Rule #2 combined with Rule #1 and your whole world is going to be CRAZY different! Oh and there are no mosquitos during Summer either…or moths. Yes I realize that is like a separate rule, but I am in charge here people. Don’t question my authoratea
Natalie’s Rule #3: Personal stylists and Photographers. From now on everyone will have their own personal stylist and photographer. Not only do you no longer have to worry about capturing that special moment, but you don’t have to worry if you looked okay when it happened. Someone is there to cover you. When you get up in the morning your stylist is there with a cup of chai (because coffee is gross), hands you your favorite magazine and magically transforms you into a hottie. She’ll pick out your outfit and it will never make you look fat, in fact it will always make you look 10-20 pounds lighter. Her morning transformation will take 45 seconds, so you’re not wasting too much time. Then you’ll be set for the day. Then your personal photographer, who is invisible and not annoying, is there to capture all the awesome things that happen when your head is like ‘wish I had a picture of that’. Now you do.
Okay now it is time to bestow the gift of Overlord to someone else:
Steph Go! Wait did you already get picked?