Thought Vomit Thursday

On a Thursday? What an abnormality. Here we go:

  • Revelation: Jack’s mom is just as stubborn as he is. After reading through all your comments on my last post I realized one thing…..you’re right…..well those of you who suggested the ‘don’t feed him from the boob that’ll get him to take a bottle’. You’re right. That would certainly be the best option to getting this worked out. But here’s the thing. I’ve tried that. It is fucking miserable. Remember that one day I wrote about? That long ass fucking day that I said ‘I am going to not give in and eventually he will take a bottle’. He cried and screamed THE WHOLE DAY. Well not all day. In between crying and screaming and looking at me like he was saying ‘you are the biggest bitch in the entire world and I hate you’, he would just pass out. In my opinion this tactic was his way of saying ‘fall asleep and when you wake up this won’t be happening’. Proof that even my spawn likes living in Denial-land. At the end of that 14 hour day, despite being certain that I would win, the only thing I won was some big tears rolling down my face and the feeling that I was probably the worst mother in history. Since that day, I have tried it several other times. Not the all day bouts, but I have tried giving him a bottle instead of feeding him when I first get home. Screams. I have tried giving him a bottle after I feed him for 5 minutes when I get home. Screams. I have tried feeding him a bottle before bed instead of nursing. Screams. I have tried giving him a bottle in the morning before I go to work. Screams. Andy, Emmicakes, Jack’s Grandparents, and now Pippa, have all attempted the seemingly impossible task of bottle feeding Jack. Sometimes there is mild success. Sometimes great success. But the majority of the time. Jack wins. So you’re right. I could say ‘no boobies, just bottles’. But there are two issues with this. Obviously the screaming is not fun to deal with. And two, I hate my electric baby. I am hooked up to the electric baby 9 times a week at minimum. And believe me, that feels like too much. The idea of moving to just pumping (don’t know how you ladies do it who are doing this) is right up there with pulling my fingernails off with a pair of rusty pliers…..yes they have to be rusty. It has crossed my mind that I should just wean. After all, we’re not exactly against the idea of getting Nugget Dos underway. And it was most important to me to breast feed for the first 3 months…….but…..but…..well I like breast feeding. Scratch that. I LOOOOoovvveee breast feeding. Well I don’t love pulling out my boob and realizing that it is getting closer to the ground everyday (yep won’t be long until I will be nicknamed “Longboobs”). But every time I snuggle Jack up to me and his little eyes gaze up at me. Oh god it is like fucking crack to me! The first “session” after I get home from work, he will gulp vigorously for a couple minutes and then his eyes will meet mine, his hand reaches up and rests up by my colarbone, he will pull his little head away, smile and coo. Like he is saying ‘there you are! I am so happy you’re home. I missed you!’. It gives me tears just thinking about how much I love that. How much I need that. It is hard being away from your baby. I mean it is easy for me to be at work, but it is hard at the same time. The fact that at the end of a long day away I come home and Jack wants me as much as I want him. That just makes this “challenge” okay somehow.
  • All that being said, um….we do have a problem. Travel for work. How are we going to deal with that? I chatted with the husband about it on Monday night. He said ‘well if you have to go, you have to go, and we’ll be fine’. Have I mentioned how awesome of a husband I have…..yeah you can’t have him. We know that Jack will drink from a bottle when he gets hungry enough. He’s done it before. And from what I hear from other people, those hours leading up to the moment he gives in and drinks aren’t really that bad. He melts down sometimes. There were those days that I got home and Andy looked shellshocked. Those were the days that I was thankful I had a baby to come home to. Andy has an extraordinarily long fuse. So for him to hand me the baby in the ‘take this evil being!’ kind of way, you know it had to have been bad. But…..in reality I could probably go. For work, I could go. I could ask my in-laws to come up one of the nights and help, Andy will have the babysitter to give him a day break. I could probably squeeze my trip down so I am only gone one night, fly out at the butt crack of dawn, fly back in on the red-eye the next day. It’s doable. Jack will eat. I am certain he will. But the guilt. Oh fuck the guilt. The trip isn’t even scheduled and I already feel extreme amounts of guilt at the idea of asking Andy, Pippa, potentially my in-laws, and Jack to go through that. But I can sort of justify that guilt because it is my job. It is what puts the boobie in Jack’s mouth, so to speak. I don’t really have a choice….I mean I do, but I don’t. So that reduces the guilt a bit. Plus part of me is like ‘maybe that will be the key’. Maybe I will go away for two days and he will get over himself and bottle feeding from that point on will be a breeze. Okay so for work, I could do this. But for my Girl’s weekend???I want to say I could do it. That I could say the same thing about it being the key to him starting to bottle feed. But I can’t squash the guilt for that one. Making everyone go through those rough days, even if it is just a rough first day, I can’t squash the guilt that I feel. Because I would be having a blast. I would be drinking and laughing and, knowing me, trying to remember what order to do things in the bathroom (pants down then pee). And Andy would be miserable. Jack would be miserable. Guilt-a-palooza. But let’s just stay positive and hope that in the next couple of weeks a little Jack-sized light bulb turns on and he thinks ‘hey milk is delicious no matter the receptacle’. Then all this guilt can fly out the window and fun will be had by all. And if in October we are in the same spot, well my ladies have already said they would totes understand….not that it hasn’t crossed my mind to just get Andy a hotel room a few miles away and he can just come over every 4 hours……hmmmm. Options 🙂
  • This will most certainly be the most popular bullet point: It seems my neighbor is bi-curious…..now before you get all huffety puffety – no – I did not experience this first-hand. For a quick re-cap. About a month ago, girl neighbor told boy neighbor that she wanted to separate. It’s been messy. Well last weekend girl neighbor went out with her friends and came home to tell boy neighbor that she is now bi-curious…….mmmkay. Why is she telling her soon-to-be-ex-husband this? Natalie’s rational brain is wondering if it is because she perhaps think it will soften the blow of the separation? Or she is trying to be mean? I am not sure. In my mind, if you are separating then it means the only discussions you should be having with one another are how to congenially face things involving the child you have together. Talking about getting your box-munched (seriously….she told him this is what happened) and/or who you are dating, should probably be left off the conversation table. Just me?
  • The above bullet point makes me more than a little apprehensive to go over to girl neighbor’s place tonight for our on-going TV night get-together……will she talk about it with me? Will she ask if boy neighbor told me about it? How do I act normally with this information in my brain? And this is also making it difficult for me to decide if I should maintain or retract my RSVP to her birthday dinner on Saturday night. I am confused. And I want to crawl under my covers and hide from the situation.  
  • Starting in October I am going to be on a Dodgeball Team…”this is my consigliere Michele”. Last winter a few guys in our office and their S/Os started an indoor soccer team. The season ran during my last trimester. And while I am an insanely awesome soccer player….NOT..(I played soccer for one season when I was 7)..I figured a big giant belly that prevented me from seeing my feet was reason enough to sit the seasion out. Well folks, Team Absolute Minimums (yep that is the name – Awesome!) is continuing on as a dodgeball team and I am joining in. This should be fun and ridiculous at the same time.
  • I find myself kind of lonesome. I mean of course I have Andy, but I am lonesome for some lady friends….in a non-dirty way! Emmicakes has been a little busy. The girl neighbor….well see above…and everyone else I hang out with lives too far away. 😦 whoa is me.
  • Since I don’t want to end on a downer, FYI tequila makes me super gasey. There now you know too much……well I think you knew too much a long time ago. But I had some margaritas on Tuesday night and Wednesday….well let’s just say if I were a rocket ship, I would have been really going places.

Happy Thursday All!

*Shit! After Josey’s comment I just realized that the bullet point about the neighbor’s bi-curiousness is going to come off as homophobic. Thus a clarification: That is totes not the issue. The issue is more ‘how did I get in the middle of this?’ I like both the guy neighbor and the girl neighbor. I know she isn’t going to try to munch my box or anything. It is more a conflict of ‘should I stay out of this entire situation? or continue to try to be both their friends?’.

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3 thoughts on “Thought Vomit Thursday

  1. Okay, I have no advice on the BFing. Good luck.As for bi-curious neighbor girl, why are you uncomfortable with it? That's like the whole "wait, he's gay? he's going to hit on me then!" b.s. that homophobic guys say. Just cuz she's bi-curious doesn't mean she's wanting to jump YOUR box. Just sayin'.Dodgeball sounds awesome!

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