Thought Vomit Thursdays on a Friday. For those just stopping by or new to the game, TVT is an invention that basically allows you to open your brain and let out the beast. You don’t have to write anything cohesive, you don’t have to write long explainations, you don’t have to write shit. There are no rules for TVT. You can post on a Monday or on a Thursday or on any other day of the week. You can use the button, or you don’t have to. Mr. Mac-Attack graced his mommy with this picture of “enjoying” some cereal, I thought it illustrates TVT so perfectly he became our poster-child. Welcome to TVT, let the vomit speweth-forth!

  • Andy’s mom and step-dad kidnapped my child yesterday. I had an eye appointment, so I was home about an hour earlier than normal. They are in town visiting and wanted to take Jack for the day…..I just thought they’d hang out in their hotel room, or go to the mall nearby. I had no idea that when I called no one would answer. I called his mom, left a message and thought ‘oh maybe he is taking a nap and she put her phone on silent’…..waiting 20 minutes… response…..hmmm…So I call his step-dad’s cell….no answer either….ugh oh! First thought was: They packed up my kid, went to the airport and took him home with them!!!! I would not put this past  them. His mom is baby craaaazzzzyyy. We went out to dinner the night before with Jack’s great-grandma, great-aunt and uncle, etc. and Andy’s mom held him the entire time. Turns out they just went to the mountains with him, thus limited cell service, but I still spent a good hour of my life yesterday thinking ‘where is my kid!!’ in a semi-panicked manner.

  • With the ‘rents being in town I have not had time to play with my camera. Sad panda. I basically had time to turn it on, take a few pictures with the “automatic” settings and start to play around with putting it in manual mode, and then realize I need to read the directions because HOLY shit these DSLRs are way fancy. The screen pulls up these four boxes one says like ‘if you push this button the world will explode’, the other scrolls around with fractions as you point the camera in different directions, the other is like ‘you look pretty today!’, etc. Very complex machinery. I don’t wanna wait until I read the directions!

  • Turns out that really awesome thing with work is not going to happen….or at least it is not going to happen as quickly as we were anticipating. Thus no training seminar for me in Disn.ey Wo.rld. On the one hand, this is a very good thing. Have you guys looked at the prices for tickets into D.W.? Insane! Andy and I are both going to have to sell a kidney to be able to pay for a family vacation down there, should we ever cave and take the kiddos someday. The only reason this would have worked out well would have been because my company would be paying for my flights, hotel and food. To do all that, plus buy tickets into the parks, fuck me! Of course, it would have been a bit pointless because obviously Jack wouldn’t remember it….so it would have been for me. But scheming-mom-brain was thinking then someday when Jack was like ‘I want to go to D.W!!!’ We can be like ‘you already went there and you didn’t like it’. But it is obviously sad that it got cancelled because spending a week in Orlanda in the middle of November would have been a bit awesome. I imagined myself poolside with a umbrella drink. Oh well. Life goes on.

  • In happy travel news, I found an awesome deal on a hotel in the French Quarter for our trip to Louisiana in November. We’re going out for my family reunion and I booked an extra day so that we can stay a night in New Orleans and go to Cafe du Monde and walk about. I am so excited…..Andy on the other hand is busy calling the airlines and making sure he can bring a gun with him… uptight about crime statistics, I tell you what.

  • A week from today, Jack will do his first overnight without me. I am nervous, excited, hopeful, guilty, and sad all at the same time. This will be the first time I will be without him since he was born, but I want so badly for it to go well. My girl’s weekend is quickly approaching and I don’t want to return from a wild weekend to find divorce papers waiting for me on the table. Andy assures me that he thinks the four days will go just fine, but I won’t really feel at ease about it until this overnight thing goes really well. I wish there had been an opportunity to do this earlier, but with our schedules and Andy’s dad and step-mom’s schedule, it just didn’t work until now. Jack please please do this for mommy. Don’t give grandma and grandpa a hard time and just drink those bottles up and fall fast asleep. I know you can do it!

And that’s what I got for today. Hope you all have an amazing weekend.


The Little Engine that Could

So this day is really about Josey and her RockBlogiShower, but there is someone else on all our minds today. Our very awesome and amazing friend AMANDA is going in for her first IVF today. There are some little embies ready to be put back in their momma today. Amanda, we love you. We are all thinking of you and all digits are crossed for this.

A Toast To RockStar!!!!

I am so glad this day is here! Because keeping this shit quiet has been hard yo! Our girl Josey is preggos! (after a very long hard IF struggle). But today she is moving into her 3rd Trimester!!!!….well according to some resources… everyone says different things about counting and what not. Whatever. We’re just going to come to a consensus and say HAPPY 3rd TRIMESTER JOSEY!!!!!!oh and ROCKSTAR!!!! In honor of this day, we’ve decided to “throw” Josey a RockBlogiShower…..I have been trying to come up with a good word-mash and that is my favorite. See her blogi friends are all over the country and since we can’t throw her a real in person shower, we thought let’s do a blog-shower….I mean a ROCKBLOGISHOWER!

Josey we are all so happy for you. We were here with you mourning all your BFNs and crossing our fingers each cycle. Your BFP was a BFP for all of us. You and Charlie are going to be such amazing and wonderful parents. RockStar couldn’t be luckier.

This shower will satisfy your requirements because it is impossible to play cheesy shower games via the internet. Since we can’t play the melted-candy-bar-in-the-diaper game, I will just sit here and eat a snickers instead….good compromise (don’t worry, I am not failing my last post already…..I am sitting here eating grape tomatoes and trying to tell myself they are M&Ms….yuuummmmmm…sigh….I wish they were real).

Okay here’s where I talk about Josey:

Josey kicks ass. She is probably in the top 10 of the coolest people I know. Now, not to brag or anything (totally bragging right now), but I have actually met Josey. In fact we hang out like all the time (we’ve hung out twice). We braid eachother’s hair (we’ve never braided eachother’s hair) and she’s told me that I am her absolute favorite blogger in the whole world (she has never told me this). Additionally, I got her pregnant (I did not get her pregnant). See we met up when she was in town for her IUI. I was pregnant at the time and my super magical belly worked its magic on her uterus and voila! her IUI worked. Totally all because of me (not at all because of me). I have it on pretty high authority that if she has a girl she is going to name her Natalie (this is not true at all) because she is so thankful that I got her pregnant. In a few short weeks (this part is true) Josey and her RockStar filled belly are going to be spending four days with me and several of our other bloggy friends. But I am pretty certain that Josey is going to want to share a room with me (actually she probably won’t want to share a room with me because I am a snuggler and I will snuggle her….awkward!) again because I am her absolute favorite (no I am not). We are going to skip around holding hands (I don’t think she can skip right now, she might pop) and singing songs together (um this part might actually be true, it is hard to say, shit is going to get craaazzzyy).

In all seriousness though (I am never serious), Josey we all love you! Those of us who are about to get a shit ton of uninterrupted time with you and your belly are so excited! You are the greatest cheerleader any IFer could ask for and I just hope I have given you half the encouragement and reassurance that you have given me through the last twoish years. I am so happy your dream has come true and you’re going to be such an amazing Mommy!

Now as part of our RockBlogiShower, we’re all supposed to post a picture or link to a onesie that we’re sending you…..uuummm….soooo…here’s the deal. I am making yours. And I was all on top of it, until I realized that I am out of time. Fail. But it is going to kick ass. And your other shower presents (because I promised to make you cloth wipes and give you some other items that we had a ton of) are all ready to go. But as I mentioned I will be seeing you in 15 days (HFS 15 DAYS!!!!!) so you will get to see it/them (I have a tendency to get carried away and I may have bought several onesies….and I have lots of cute ideas…so you might get several….ooopps) very very soon!

Happy Blogishower darling. We love you!

Girl you’ve got to move

I have been a little afraid to post. I am doing ICLW this week (a horrific job at it by the way) and I didn’t want to push my post further down. But whatevs, people are techy they can figure out to click here and see my ICLW post.

So you guys might recall like forever ago when I said ‘hey i am going to work on losing 30lbs over the next 6 months!’….yeeeeaaaahhh. Well…sooo….ummm. I am doing a bad job at it. I have avoided the scale for the past month, ever since I got back on and it hadn’t moved one pound…..of course, in my body’s defense, I didn’t do anything to help facilitate that.

Basically the conclusions that I have drawn are thus. Breast feeding will get rid of your baby weight. It took me a little over 6 weeks or something like that to be at my approximate pre-baby weight. Not too shabby. That extra weight I had on there before the baby though, yeah breast feeding isn’t doing anything for that…..well considering how shitty I had been eating (mmmm cookies) technically breast feeding was still a miracle worker. But it wasn’t taking more off. So I am stepping it up. As of last week, I have started moving my ass….oh and doing a little thing called watching what you eat. Well kind of. I still like food, but I am trying to balance eating things I like, with eating lots of salads and vegetables and what not.

I think I will still stay away from the dreaded scale for another month. Basically my goal at this point is to start getting good habits going. I don’t want to discourage myself by looking at the numbers.

In other news, my birthday present arrived. I pooled my money and, after consulting with Oak, decided to get a DSLR. Turns out it was a good thing I asked her advice because I was about to buy a slightly fancier point-and-shoot, when she told me basically to “go big or go home”. Well that isn’t really what she said. Basically she just said it would be a better investment to get a DSLR that would actually produce higher quality pictures. That sort of thing. So I went on a search for a DSLR of my liking.

Now you should know I am extremely cheap. EXTREMELY. and I like seeing my dollars sitting in my bank account. Nice and safe, right where they belong. But sometimes I am too strict with myself. Like for my serger, I saved gifts from my birthday and christmas to be able to buy a machine that I could have paid for in two weeks. But I apparently still hold high the value of saving for something makes it worth it. I don’t know, it is strange.

Basically I picked out my DSLR and then spent three days bemoaning whether I really wanted to click that “buy” button. Well I did it and then spent the next 8 days bitching about how long it was taking to get here. Ahh silly me. Well it arrived yesterday! I was so freaking excited…then realized I couldn’t do shit with it until I charged up the batteries. *sigh*. Well I plugged that bitch in and when I got up this morning it was ready to go. So you better believe tonight is going to be craaazzy!

Now I only wish I hadn’t been so freaking stingy and bought this camera a year ago because all of a sudden Jack’s pictures are going to be drastically better. Eh whatevs. I guess that gives kid numero dos (we’re talking future kid numero dos in case you are going to be like ‘OMG!’) will have something special – quality newborn pictures. He/she needs something. Jack has a journal from while I was pregnant and I still keep writing entries, he has two baby books (um better update those), a custom made nursery (I will do my best for the Deuce on this front), custom onesies, the list goes on and on. So I guess the Deuce will be able to say that his/her newborn to 6 month pics were the best…and hopefully we’ll have footage of that birth. I still kick myself that the video camera was sitting on the tripod in the living room and we didn’t get anything. sad panda.

Oh I almost forgot to show you the camera. FAIL!

Now before you’re all ‘Natalie you just bought that camera because it is red’, let me stop you right there. Um yes, that is one of the reasons. But there are a few reasons. I did some googling and Pentax supposidly (still need to try this out tonight..will report back) built their DSLRs to be compatible with their old-fashioned SLR lenses. The online forums said that most of the companies switched the threading or some shit, so peeps would have to buy new lenses. When I turned 16, my mom took me to a pawn shop to buy a Pentax K-1000. She had a K-1000 and I wanted one just like hers. So she got me one for my birthday. As you might imagine that means Pentaxes….Pentaxi? whatever…are a scosh sentimental to me. Combine that with the fact that I might be able to use my existing lenses with it, and the fact that it was red….um it was just fate that this should be my camera.
Andy was all ‘yeah get it!’. and then told me a day later that a red camera is going to be obnoxious. But whatevs. I will wear my red converse and drive around in my red subaru and carry Jack in his red car seat and I will have my red pentax hanging around my neck. Oh and my toe nails are painted red right now too. There you have it. I am nothing if not color-predictable.


If you’re here for ICLW click Here! for my post. Otherwise let the thought vomit begin!

  • Parenting is a trial and error kind of endeavor, but because I want you to learn from my errors, let me give you a short cut. Jack has been sick….it is some sort of sinus clogging sickness. He doesn’t have a cough, he doesn’t have a fever, he is just stuffed the fuck up. Which makes him cranky. He has a hard time eating because he can’t breathe out of his nose. So I will try to bulb him….now I don’t know how Andy accomplished this, but somehow during the three months he was home with Jack, he made a game out of bulbing. Like Jack will actually laugh when you bulb his nose….well except for two instances: 1, when he is trying to eat and 2, when he is half-asleep, trying to breathe out of his nose, and screaming at me in the middle of the night. Needless to say we had a few really rough nights. But here’s how it got better. Night one of attack on nose cloggedness, Jack wakes up every 45min to an hour, mommy sleepily turns on the beside lamp (FUCK YOU COMPACT FLOURESCENTS THAT REQUIRE THREE FUCKING TURNS OF THE LAMP KNOB TO TURN ON….I HATE YOU!), tries to calm pissed off baby while bulbing his nose. It was a LOOooooong night. Next morning I confer with Oak who says “did you use saline?….um big mistake you need saline”. Fuck me!. Night 2, armed with saline and bulb. Jack wakes up every 2 hours, is even more pissed about saline and bulb. Now he can’t breathe, I am sucking shit out of his nose, and trying to drown him afterward. Note to self – trying to get saline in a teeny ass nostril of a baby who is thrashing their head from side to side, is not funny at the time, but the memory of the visual will make you laugh later…..after you’ve slept again. *sigh* Night 3, mom and dad wise up. Armed with saline, bulb AND hot humidifier thingy (made by Vicks, you put salt in it and it shoots hot steam out…it was like $15…get one). Jack slept normally, waking up for his 4am feeding. Mom and dad woke up thinking ‘aahhh this is what sleep is like’. Night 4, repeat the 3-pronged attack on snot and Jack resumes the plan to get him to sleep on his own*.So peeps, don’t be a dummy. Go straight for the holy trinity of clogged nose resolution: saline, bulb and hot humidifier. You can thank me later.
  • *I have accidentally become an Attachment Parent….Andy and I both have. I think this really deserves it’s own post, but to give you a little taster to get you excited about that post (which in all honesty might not hit the stands until next week….apologies). I know you know I am a big ole hippie, but I had no intention of being an attachment parent. In fact, while pregnant and reading about attachment parenting I scoffed and said ‘silly hippies’……pot….kettle…doesn’t really matter which one I am today. Buuuttt, we are moving into the next phase of “Natalie and Andy’s modified parenting plan” (aka make shit up as you go) and the time has come for Jack to move into the grown-up baby phase of sleeping through the night, alone. I am ready…..he’s not ready and strangely Andy isn’t ready….but it is a good time. Minus the five days we’ve been dealing with this “Attack of the Snot” things have been going well. And this weekend, we’re stepping it up. Stay tuned.
  • Solids – are going well, but I am a slacker. Mkay. So you’re “supposed” to introduce new foods every 3-4 days….yeah well I am slacking off in that department. I have been doing one a week, and here’s why- because I am stubborn, selfish person. See I want to be the first person to introduce a food to Jack….and I can usually only make that happen Fri-Sun. He eats at around 2pm everyday at Pippa’s house, so I try to keep him on that schedule. But I am getting my mom-shit together and picking up the slack…..I promise. Tonight I am introducing vegetable numero 3. So far avocado is a go, and sweet potatoes are yummy too, not as yummy as avocado, but a close second. Tonight is carrot. So far I have been making my own baby food…barring Rice and Oatmeal cereal.
  • Last weekend was super awesome. I took Jack up to my dad’s house and we celebrated my birthday. For those of you new to my blog, my dad is undergoing treatment for prostate cancer. He has completed his hormone therapy and radiation and is about two months away from finishing chemo. He has chemo once every three weeks and his last dose was the day before my birthday. Normally, he will feel fine for a couple days after treatment and then at 3 days post chemo he feels like he has been hit by a train. He is tired and sick and it takes him about a week to gain back some energy. He called me two Saturday’s ago and was like ‘I feel like I should come down and take you out to dinner for your birthday’. But I could tell by the sound of his voice that he wasn’t feeling well. I told him that instead I would come down the next weekend (last weekend) and we could celebrate it late. Well, my dad is not the man he was 3 years ago and the only noteable change is this prostate cancer business. He planned quite the day for us. His wife watched Jack (which was a little hard for me, but I decided to let those thoughts go…..I still can’t bring myself to call her “grandma” when she’s around Jack) and my Dad took me out to lunch. We went to this super granola restaurant (part of his “fighting cancer” plan is to eat basically vegan plus fish) and sat out on the patio. We talked about politics and the state of our country (my dad is really smart and when he is around his ding-bat wife sometimes I forget that he can carry-on a riveting conversation), etc. Then he took me to get a pedicure….and he got one with me. What? I know! I have no answers. It just happened and I found myself grateful to be spending the time together. Afterward we blasted around in his new Mustang. That thing is zippy. Then we went back to the house and picked up Jack and Shelly. Dad took us to the Chocolate Cafe. Oh EMmm Gee. Delicious! They did have food there, but why? I mean just why? All you needed to see was the 3 rows of dessert options and the food menu disappeared into oblivion. It was a fun day and I want to do it again. Well not the same activities, but I want the one-on-one time with my dad. Afterall that is what I have been craving since my mom died and this business with Shelly and all that drama. So for my birthday, I got what I wanted. And I want more, give a mouse a cookie….I am definitely that mouse.

I know that is only four bullet points, but they are long (not surprisingly) so I will cut this shit off now. Have a great Thursday Peeps!

Wait what is this TVT business. Basically TVT came from my super amazingly large brain! One day I thought ‘why create a coherent post? instead let’s think of a fun way to make a post full of unconnected bullet points’. Voila! TVT was born. How do you participate? Shit is simple, just do it. There are no rules. Post on Mondays, post on wednesday, whatever. If the mood strikes you, grab the button over there on the side of my blog and put it in your post. Don’t want to do that? No biggie, it is your fucking life. Welcome to TVT

-Lar-Bar there is also an ICLW icon on the side of my blog. Click on it and it will take you to the site that explains what ICLW is.


*blushing* Listen I have a confession to make. This is my first time. I’ve never done this ICLW thing….it’s true I am a virgin. At least I am a virgin when it comes to something, am I right? Well it’s time to jump in with both feet.

Hello there! My name is Natalie, I have been married for 8 years and was full on planning to never do what my husband and I have been doing for the past six months….parenting. Yep we spent the first 5 years of our marriage on the “no children for us thankyaverymuch” route. Yeah well then this bitch called “mother nature” did a doosey on my hormones and I changed the name of the game.

It took hubster a while to come around to my way of thinking. After all, he wanted to spend the rest of his life enjoying his money. The idea of giving your money away and having to endure activities you never liked beforehand….T- ball for example….really? does anyone actually enjoy watching it?….early on a Saturday morning when you should be sleeping off a hangover you earned from a wild night out on the town….well let’s just say he needed time. But eventually I convinced him, ‘hey we can do both’. That’s right people, we can be those parents at the T-ball game who are hidden under dark sunglasses, slumped down in our folding chairs, sipping on a gatorade (not just for high performing athletes) and putting our fingers in our ears when the other parents scream for their kid to run. You know why? because this is America. Where you can pour your vodka with cranberry juice and drink it too! After all, why the hell would you pour it if you weren’t going to drink it?

Anyhoodles, about threeish years ago…shit almost four now…we decided to have a baby. Doesn’t that statement sound so freaking easy. ‘Yep we’ve decided to have a baby, going to pick it out today from the baby store, and that will be that’. Well after realizing I should have bought stock in Clear Blue before we “decided”, we spent the next 15 months “waiting for our baby”. Damn storks, they are so lazy, always losing addresses and shit.

But I did win something out of that whole experience. Peeps! I never knew this whole world existed. A world of women who unbiasedly support one another. I never thought I would be one of those people with internet friends. But now I find myself saying things like ‘my friend is about to do her first IVF treatment and I am just so excited for her’. Then I have to stop myself when I realize, I haven’t actually met this person in real life. Holla, Amanda, only a matter of weeks girl!

You know what though? It doesn’t matter. I feel like I know more about these internet friends than I do about some of my own family members. We’ve shared some rough times and some fucking hilarious times. Mostly because I like to bring up inapropriate things like my vagina and poo.

As you might have guessed our future T-Ball all-star arrived last March. His name is Jack, he is the best baby that ever came out of my vagina (there’s my compromise since saying he’s the best baby in the world would mean your baby/future baby basically sucks). I couldn’t be luckier to snuggle this little squirmy chunk-monster. He is definitely changing my life for the better. And I am so glad we “made the decision to have a baby”. It’s been a wild road. There’s more to come. So buckle up, grab a drink, and enjoy the ride. 

Thanks for stopping by ICLWers. I can’t wait to read your stories!

The Wittiest Post Twas Ever Written

Sorry for the false advertising, but dooods I am totally not functioning today. My brain is made of mush and I am all but having to hold my eyelids open in order to pretend like I am here and awake. FYI totally possible to sleep with your eyes open. Jack is sick and teething and just generally kind of a pissed off little dude from the hours of 10pm to 6am. What Mom? This is your sleeping time? Well fuck you I don’t feel good and no, you can’t fix it, you can just sit there hopelessly while I scream. It sucks. There isn’t much I can do. I bulb out his nose, put saline drops in, repeat, bounce, cuddle, shhhh, rock, etc. Thank god we have an old person/hospital bed that sits up. We were able to sit the bed up, Jack sat in between Andy and I, I tilted him slightly onto his right side because he was breathing better out of his left nostril, and we were able to grab a few hours of snooze time. Last night was better than Sunday night, but fuck! I don’t know how many more nights I can do this and still make it to work on time. So rather than bore you with my dribble, I will try to make you laugh. Need a new book for your kid?