Where are my shits?

I am someone who is painfully aware when something cool is happening to those around me, but not me. Fun fact (which is my version of an example), I didn’t get my period until I was 16….and a half. You can imagine how I was sort of the “one left behind” as girls complained that they were cramping or asked another friend if they had a pad. ‘OMG Vicky! Do you have a pad?’. No one turned to ask me that. I was no ones knight in shining feminine-protection armor. I mean, wasn’t I enough of an outcast being like 4 feet taller and 50 lbs heavier than everyone around me, did I have to be left out of the conversations about how plastic applicators are WAAAaayy better than the cardboard ones. I would have settled with the cardboard ones just to be able to be like ‘ugh! I know! But my Mooom totaally won’t buy the good ones for me. she so doesn’t understand how it is! you know?’ (hair flip). Instead I was like this chubby giant just sauntering around with no special products in my backpack and no reason to complain or get out of gym class. So unfair.

Seems it is happening again. I am watching my friends and thinking ‘hey why not me?’. We all know that Oak was horribly sick for like 3 weeks and now BU has joined in on the fun. Where the fuck is my bout with GI issues? And here’s why I say that. Bitches are losing weight. Sure they are miserable and unable to sleep/move/get out of their pajamas, but Oak admitted she looks hot! I want to be hot! I don’t mind shitting my brains out for a few days to look hot. So I find myself asking ‘where are my shits?’

In all seriousness though, am I the only one who can’t for the life of me remember the last time I got the shits?….well naturally I mean. Caster Oil in a desperate attempt to induce labor notwithstanding. Seems all the cool kids do it…..*sigh* everyone except me.

Now I must give a shout out to my girl Lar-bar. She is so sweet and patient with my potty-mouth blog entries. I mean how many times did I use the word fuck in my TVT post yesterday and her comment is all: “if you’re going to try formula you should really go with this brand…” She does this all the time too. It is like her brain glosses over the fact that one of her childhood friends is basically the devil’s assistant and she still gives me awesome mommying advice. Makes me smile every time I read a comment she posts. Thanks Larbar for accepting the awful person I have turned into. Kisses!

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11 thoughts on “Where are my shits?

  1. Your spelling is aweful. 😉 Tee hee hee. And yesterday, it was hilarious, my coworker said to me "I see you're running again" and I thought "Huh?" and then he insinuated towards my thinned down figure and it was everything in my power NOT to say "Yeah, running out my ass".

  2. I see what you're saying and I'm not going to lie, when I was all barfy and too sick to eat I was like oh well at least I'll drop a few pounds. But alas, my body is not that nice and I promise you I will gain it back in a few days. And I still look pregnant. So I've got that going for me.

  3. LMAO. Running out my ass. I like it Oak. Natalie, I don't know the last time I was sick with the shits either, and I'm trying really hard to hold on to the GOOD in that statement. As much as I love a quick weight fix as well. 🙂 I'm like BU – when I'm sick, I dont' lose weight. I lose a bit of water weight, but I'm so busy stuffing my face with comfort food that I actually gain weight when I'm sick. No fair!!!

  4. Haha! I couldn't believe how much my shitting habits changed once I got pregnant, and even now after pregnancy, they are still all outta wack. Here's to you getting the shits! 🙂

  5. Well…you could head to the local Target or grocery store and simply give the handles on the shopping carts a good old lick. I'm pretty sure 4 out 5 shopping carts carry a GI bug 🙂

  6. Oh, Nat-Brat….do not make the mistake of believing I am an angel. I leave the fuck word out of my blog because my mom reads it, but I assure you that I do not leave the fuck word out of my life. Not by a long shot. But thanks for the shout out!

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