I can’t believe I almost forgot about TVT! What is wrong with me? Vomit coming at your face:
  • J.ohn Ma.yer is fucking full of shit! My body is not a wonderland. I went for a run on Tuesday….the day before our SnowMAGEDDON!!!! (more on this in a minute)….and whilst I did reach my goal of running more than a mile….don’t get too excited it was probably only 15 feet over the mile mark…I spent the entire time trying to not shit my pants. Why body? Seriously? I am trying to get you into shape so you can be hot and sexy and you have to sabotage me like this. Well if there is one way to distract you from the fact that you don’t really want to be running, it is spending the entire time going ‘hmmm is this a real shitting emergency? or is my body just trying to stop me from running?’
  • Onto the subject of SnowMAGEDDON!!!! So I think it is hilarious that people freak the fuck out when it goes from 80 degrees on Monday to 10 inches of snow on Wednesday. You live in fucking Colorado! Hello! I also hate it when people complain about the snow…um again…..Colorado. If you don’t like it go back to California…please…no seriously…please go back to California. More powder for me.
  • I decided I will not be one of those moms who refuses to take her child out in the cold….instead I have resolved to be one of those moms who takes their child out, but completely over-dresses them. I put Jack in his bear outfit yesterday….hang on let me look for a picture…oh shit, just look at the top of my blog. duh Natalie! Fuck me, I left the house at 5:30 this morning so forgive my lack of brain power. Anyhoodles. I put him in said bear outfit and took him to the grocery store and tar.get last night. Technically with it being pretty cold out, he wasn’t overdressed for being outside, but when I got him home and took him out of his suit, his head was all sweaty. Apparently I either need to roll a window down for him while we are in the car, or at minimum pull the hood back. Poor kid.
  • Why did you leave the house so fucking early this morning Natalie? I am glad you asked. So I have been driving to work since the baby started daycare. I wanted to be able to get to him quickly if needed, etc. And whilst (I fucking love this word!) I am a big hippie and love riding public transit, it does take longer. I take a couple different routes out of the office park to get to the highway (don’t worry Oak, I timed it and they take the same amount of time…she hates inefficient driving). On one such route, one day I noticed a giant bus (a signal for a regional bus that doesn’t make a shit ton of stops = the kind you want to ride) and I wondered where it went. I looked that shit  up and wouldn’t you know the route worked out that it picked up a couple miles from our house and then went straight down to the stop outside my office building. HOLY SHIT! Well it originates in Boulder, but it doesn’t stop in between the two, so basically it takes the same time as driving….save the 10 minutes I spend waiting at the bus stop. Since we had SnowMageddon yesterday I figured it would behoove me to try it out (read: avoid the dumbass people who have forgotten how to drive in the 6 months since we last had snow). The only issue is there are only 3 buses that go south in the morning and 3 that go north in the evening. Since the bus does come from Boulder and those fuckers love public transit (so unlike me) I wanted to be there for the first bus so in case it was standing room only I could wait for the second bus. Obviously the other problem is that I am anal retentive so I like to get places about 30 minutes before necessary. Thus waking up earlier and sitting in my car for 20 minutes, then standing in the cold for 20 minutes until the bus comes. I think next week I will try getting on the second bus because I got to work way too early today. The rest of the office arrives between 7:30 and 9:00 (depending on their level of slacking) so there is no reason for me to walk in at 6:30.
  • Dodgeball Game #2 tonight. I hope that my throwing skills have magically improved…what with all that sleeping and such that I have been doing this week. Maybe my arm just needed a good rest before it started throwing fast and hard….yeah me thinks not. As for the request for video of me playing dodgeball…yeah…never gonna happen folks. That would be like posting a video of me running the other day. I am sure you could read all over my face that I was trying not to poo.
  • And with that I will wrap up my TVT. Have a great Thursday everyone. Hope we can all avoid taking balls to the face today, dodgeballs or otherwise. BAhaahaa!

What I Now Know About Myself

Last Thursday was my first Dodgeball game. I have obviously been looking forward to this for a while and apparently… my head….I thought I was a really good dodgeball player. The reality of the situation is….well not so much. Turns out Dodgeball requires a few key things, most notably though, the ability to throw balls and hit others with them……and…well…I can’t throw for shit! Okay well I can throw and my aim is pretty good, the problem is, I throw at the speed of dark. You know that whole rule about if you catch the ball someone else throws then they are out? Yeah, it is totally easy for my opponent to have plenty of time to see my ball coming at them and catch it. Like enough time to walk over to the water cooler, grab a drink, ask someone about their day, and return to their spot to catch my ball. I am sooooo slow at throwing balls.

But fear not, for I have determined my new super-secret-weapon-plan-for-playing-dodgeball. That is to stand near the back, retrieve balls, and hand them off to the other players who can throw. So the only problem with my SSWPFPD is that with one of our rounds, I found myself to be the last player on our side of the court. So I spent a good 3 minutes looking like a complete ass as I lobbed balls unsuccessfully at the other side.

So my modified SSWPFPD is that I will retrieve and pass off balls, but I can’t stay in the game longer than my other teammates….or I have to learn to catch the ball. And dudes, those balls are fucking slippery! Do you remember in gym when we played dodgeball and they were those large red rubber balls with little hatch marks all over them? Yeah, apparently real dodgeballs are smaller and slippery-er. We practiced a little bit before the game started and I had trouble holding on to it, let along catching it, it was so slippery. Do you think they would figure it out of I put glue on my hands for better grip? Me thinks that might be an act of “taking it too seriously”.

Long story short: dodgeball was a lot of fun. I woke up with a sore shoulder and tender thighs, because if there is one thing I can do, it is dodge a ball (that’s what she said). Apparently I need to practice throwing and hopefully by the end of this “season” I will be faster. We shall see.


What’s up TVT! It’s that time again…..that time being whenever the fuck I feel like it. Wow we’re actually doing TVT on a Thursday? That’s weird. Here we go!

  • Apparently it is possible for one eye to be sleepier than the other. I am sitting here and my right eye is awake, but my left eye wants to go back to bed… is times like these I wish I were a pirate and could pull off an eye patch.

  • Halloween Party: before we had Jack we used to throw bunches of parties. Ugly sweater party, halloween party, random reason party, etc. So now that Halloween is approaching we are trying to decide if we will get back to throwing our annual Halloween Party. We started out all excited and then as soon as Andy and I decided on a date we were both like ‘eh do we really want to do this?’. It isn’t that we don’t like parties, we do. But usually what happens is 50 people tell us that they are coming and then 20 show up. But we’ve already planned, cooked and purchased beverages for 50. Needless to say this can be annoying as shit. Obviously the over-purchase of alcohol is never a problem. sighhhhh….we need to make up our minds quick-like on this one.

  • This weekend Andy and I are Spring….eerrr I mean Fall Cleaning. Yeah we’re a little late in the season for this one, but the house could use a good going over, so that’s the plan. We need to move some bookshelves and take some more boxes of stuff to Go.od.Wi.ll and maybe…if I give Andy enough wiener rubs…we will move my eliptical machine downstairs. So hopefully we can get it all done. I always start out excited about these projects….but I rarely maintain my excitement throughout.

  • We’re preparing to do some major re-wiring of our house. Our neighbor (the husband) is an electrician and so basically if we buy all the supplies he will throw in labor for dinner and a six-pack. Gotta love dudes who take beer as payment. We’re adding can lights and maybe (undecided) a ceiling fan in our living room, wiring for a flat panel on my pictureless picture wall, wiring in my garage door opener (redneck alert: right now it works but it is plugged into an extension cord. Awesome!), adding a few outlets in our bedroom…..and I think that is about it for now.

  • I dropped my buddy Nick off at the airport this morning for a sad sad reason. His little brother died yesterday. The specifics are still a little unclear. Nick describes him as a “lost soul”. He got into drugs and what not. So they don’t know if it was suicide or what. I had left him a message about our first dodgeball game and he called me back sounding strange. I knew something was wrong right away. He told me he didn’t need me to come over, but as soon as I hung up the phone I knew I needed to go. He doesn’t really have anyone else here to turn to. So I called him back and said ‘screw that I am coming over’. He seemed to be doing okay while we were hanging out. We found him a plane ticket and chatted a little bit about arrangements that needed to be made. I am so thankful for the fact that in a couple of hours he will be home and with his boyfriend who probably knows how to better comfort him.

  • And there just really isn’t much to say after that one. Hope you are all having a great Thursday.

Blogorado 2011

 I think it will be easiest to do this through pictures. The weekend started out with Jack and me arriving at the airport to meet Oak. I refrained from tackling her to the ground at our first real life embrace. She held Jack and we brainstormed ways to surprise our next arrival, Kelly. We considered several options: hide and then jump out and grab her, once we saw her start asking everyone else around her if they are Kelly, pretend we don’t know her….in the end we just stood there with Oak pretending she was holding a sign.

Oak and Jack, he appreciates ladies who wear scarves
Jack likes to eat people….he’s a Zombaby
After Kelly arrived we went to lunch. Then it was time to pick up the Scooby Van and tackle several activities at once. Oak and Kelly returned to the airport to meet BU and I took Jack to Pippa’s house. Amanda was a tad delayed, so it worked out for Oak, Kelly and BU to pick me up at the house before we returned to the airport to meet Amanda. Amanda shot out of the arrival area like a bat out of hell and Kelly was the only one who had time to recognize her. So after chasing her to baggage claim, we were finally all together! Then it was time to get on the road.

Oak is already a soccer mom
After a two hour drive in complete silence, having no fun at all *wink at josey* we arrived at the house. Josey was there waiting for us and….hey I just realized she was supposed to have freshly baked cookies waiting for us! WTF Josey? We piled into the house with our stuff and promptly started making a grocery list. It just warms my heart to be around fellow-list-makers.

Oak, Josey and Amanda

Oh I almost forgot, the first stop for those of us who are lactating was a pump-fest. Let me tell you, it was super nice having company while pumping, but my boobs did not respond too well to solely pumping. Basically I pump 4 times a week (I am down to once a day at work and I don’t pump on Friday because I leave early). So going from 4 times a week to 4 times a day….yeah clog-city. My right boob was so backed up that it made me laugh each time I saw myself nekid. Righty was like a fake boob and Seabiscuit (aka lefty) was like a floppy empty sock.

Post grocery store, the group sits down, eats tacos, and has our first of many long convo’s

Amanda is probably one of the strongest people I know, and the other ladies agree. Not only did she fly out to Colorado two days after getting a BFN from a round of IVF, but she was extremely positive, happy and appeared to have a good time with all of us. I think we were all so careful at first. Not sure how she would feel watching us sit around like dairy cows, or mention our babies. But first thing she said to me at the airport was ‘where’s Jack?’.

We ate breakfast

We drank mimosas and chatted some more

I remembered we were in the mountains and should take some pictures of the view.

Josey was our go to FB update person.

We thought we’d go “downtown” and check out all Breckenridge had to offer. The fall leaves were nice enough to stick around for us.  

We popped in and out of the really cute shops and talked about how we are all hoping to someday be filthy rich and be able to drop a couple hundred on a sweater without feeling guilt.

I was there too!

With this crowd there was definitely shoe browsing.

Back home for a chick flick, naps, and more chatting. The house was perfect for us, one giant open room where we could all hang out together.

We “dressed up” and went out to dinner. Thank god we all agreed that “dressing up” involved jeans, t-shirts and a pair of heels. My kind of ladies for sure. Of course whilst out at dinner, things started to get interesting. Oak just got a BFP on baby number 2, who I of course have named Natalie, and when we hit the restaurant she was feeling nauseous. Thus our first convo with the waiter went something like this:
Oak: do you have some bread
Waiter: yeah bread comes with all our meals
Oak: *annoyed face*
Josey & Natalie: can you bring us some now, she’s feeling nauseous, she’s pregnant
Waiter: sure
45 bazillion minutes later he drops off some bread. Sorry kid, your table is full of ladies who need immediate results. Oak ajourned to barf in the bathroom and we all sat around and discussed how much we hated that feeling.
Needless to say, our evening “out” ended with us back at the house, putting the preggos to bed and then getting our drink on. Amanda was HILARIOUS! as her little self polished off half a bottle of wine with BU. She told us all about poutine and loudly praised all things canadian….that syrup in the cupboard is shit! That’s not real syrup…you get the idea.

Saturday morning was spent with mimosas in the hot tub…..well Amanda was too hungover for hot tubbing or mimosas, but she stood outside and chatted with us.

We gathered outside to head to the outlet shops. Oak armed with ginger ale and saltines. This was just before we realized that the ground was covered in feces….I said dog, Oak joked that there was probably a dude out there taking a dump at night. Ewww, but hilarious at the same time.

Amanda rocking her hangover shades and leaning up against the Scooby van

Alway starting a fight.

Our modeling sesh

Mkay so, I was driving home and got a tit bit distracted, so we ended up exiting at the “scenic area”, but we decided to capitalize on this mishap and take a group photo…..I totally subconsciously meant to do that.

After a two hour skype-fest with E we cooked dinner and did some more chatting.

Before we knew it, it was Sunday morning and time to head home. It was such a wonderful weekend. We fell into a comfortable friendship with everyone it was like we had known eachother for 15 years. There weren’t awkward silences or group polarizations as I had feared. It was just….well… like that was how it was supposed to be. Tears were shed, laughs were unstoppable and we found ourselves ready to plan the next get together. I returned home to this little face.

I hadn’t realized how much I had missed him until I swept him up into my arms and couldn’t stand the thought of putting him back down. It takes some serious good times to keep me that willing to stay away from this little man. I returned to a happy and appreciative husband, who proceeded to sweep me off my feet by saying how glad he was I had a good time and that I really deserved it. Swoon!

I wasn’t chopped into little pieces and scattered in the woods

I’m ALIVVEEEEE!!! Turns out the ladies were in fact, not serial killers and/or obese men pretending to be IF bloggers. Whew. That’s a relief! And you should know that I officially won the argument that started between Andy and me that these “imaginary friends” of mine were in fact not going to chop me up and leave me out in the woods. I love winning arguments…..almost as much as I like not being murdered. So I know there is a ton to tell you all about this trip, but a) I need to download pics from my camera first and b) today is crrrraaaazzzy busy. Therefore please head over to Amanda’s blog if you feel the need for a little taster from the weekend.

Oh but one last tid-bit of info before I go: Jack does in fact bottle feed. What’s the trick? you might be wondering. Well it appears our fuck up has been trying to feed Jack a bottle. Turns out if you put him in his bouncy seat and hand him a bottle the kid will feed himself. WTF? All that worry and guilt and researching solutions and trying different bottles and going crazy and avoiding business trips….turns out all we fucking needed to do was let the kid exercise some independence.

My milk supply was kind of fucked the entire trip. Turns out when you go from pumping once a day to exclusively pumping your boobs won’t just behave and let you do that. I got clogged up and I would sit there for 30 minutes and only release 2 ounces. Long story short, last night Jack was exhibiting signs of hunger and I was empty (probably a result of the pumping issues) so I asked Andy to try and see if he would take a bottle while I was there……and the little feller did! HOLY SHIT! Turns out he wasn’t that hungry but he took about an ounce on his own with me sitting right there in the room. Fuck me turns out we do not have a bottle feeding issue at all. *angels singing from the heavens* Hope you all had a kick-ass weekend and I promise I will be back soon!


YAY! It’s time for TVT….what do you mean it isn’t Thursday?….huh you’re right. Know what? it don’t matter. Because there are no rules to TVT. So here goes the vomit!!!!
  • The reason this post is going up a day early is because tomorrow….on Thursday…5 of the coolest ladies in the entire solar system will be coming to Colorado for a girl’s weekend….technically Josey is already here, but you get what I am saying. I can not wait….I mean technically I have waited…like forever. It seems like we started planning this weekend 72 years ago and it took FOREVER to get here. But now it is here!….better shave my legs all the way tonight….ooo and armpits. 
  • One ramification of Jack’s overnight was that the first few nights back he was ridiculously clingy. Monday night was borderline ridiculous. We did our “routine” as usual. He was acting all on board with things. Then I went to lay him down. He snuggled in and two seconds later woke back up crying….I waited a few minutes. He got louder. So I went to pick him up. I rocked him a little over his crib. Told him ‘mommy will be here when you wake up’. Then put him back down. Supa pissed!!! Picked him back up, repeat rocking/reassuring. Lay him back down. Nope. Okay, maybe he’s still hungry. Try to feed him more. He started getting droopy-eyed again so I took him back to his crib. PISSED BEYOND BELIEF! I laid one hand on his back and patted his bum-bum and that calmed him down. When I would stand up to walk away, he would scream again. After a few more goes well…. *sigh* needless to say, the little fella one that round. 
  • The Monday night experience had me cringing last night when I started the “routine”….drum roll….little dude slept through the night. I should clarify that statement. Little dude slept from 9:30p to 5:30am when I woke him up to eat before I left. The sucky thing about the random times he sleeps through the night is that I find myself wondering the next day ‘how long would he have gone if I didn’t have to wake him up before I left?’. *sigh* questions that will never be answered.
  • The thing about sex when you have an infant is you have to have a sense of humor about it. Every once in a while we will luck out and get a nice two hour stretch when Jack will stay asleep and we can take our time, but for the most part, sex with an infant goes something like this:

    Lay Jack down for a nap….stand 20 feet away from the door looking at each other and listening for him to stop crying….try to concentrate on the conversation you are having, but really you are thinking ‘when is he going to go down so we can run downstairs asap?’….as soon as his grumbles get muted you look up and say ‘we’ve gotta go now!’. And off you go. Like I said, sometimes you are pleasantly surprised by the amount of time you have. Heck sometimes you get to take a shower afterward……but other times….like last night this one time I heard about from someone else. You will find yourself in the middle of foreplay and Jack…oops I mean someone else’s child….wakes up and starts screaming. You have a decision to make people. Finish things up while he screams, or post-pone the festivities until a later hour when hopefully you will get the chance to get back down to it… this case I realized the likelihood of the latter happening was super-minimal. And if I wasn’t about to ditch my hubster with a baby for four days I would have been like ‘eh we’ll pick it up some other day’. But I knew if I went out of town before he got some, there would be hell to pay. So instead I played mother of the year and we rushed to the finale.  And yes, the whole time I was thinking “i am a terrible mother….no you’re not, he is perfectly safe in his crib…..this is the worst thing a person could do to their child….no it isn’t, letting him cry for a bit is no big deal” and that went on and on. Whatever, I went upstairs, picked him up and you know what? he is just fine. Now that I think about it, then he slept through the night….hmmm there might be something to this?

  • Alright peeps. have to cut TVT off there. Hope you have a great Wed-hursday. I will probably return on Monday to tell you about the wonderful time we had at our get-away this weekend. Of course if you don’t hear from me by next TVT, send out a search party because that probably means Andy was right about my “imaginary” friends and I have been cut up into little pieces and scattered somewhere in the Rocky Mountains. Lovely way to end TVT i know. Don’t get murdered….that is the lesson of TVT this week. You’re welcome.

Bittersweet….(literally and figuratively)

I took Jack to work last Friday for a couple of reasons: I wanted to capitalize on our time together since he would be overnighting with Grandpa and Grandma, everyone at work was begging to see him, and because I was trying to get up to Greeley as soon as possible after work for Jack and my play date. My friend Larbar was in town for her high school reunion. I had met up with her in July (or June….when was it?…my brain is old) when she was in town. We met at a bar and I brought Jack….because I am classy…but she was a responsible parent (i.e. she wanted to freely drink…or rather she was classier than me, who was holding a giant glass of beer and my baby. Multi-tasking!) so she left her daughter, Cadence, with Grandma and Grandpa. So when she told me she would be back this past weekend, I wanted to be sure to meet Cadence this go ’round. Cadence is an awesome little girl. She has a special story and I can in no way do it justice here, so it would be better to read her mommy’s account here. To give you a quick preview though, Cadence is 14 months, so twice Jack’s age, but due to a tumor on her spinal cord, she is the same size as Jack. So far, the tumor has been shrinking, YAY! Hopefully it will eventually just disappear, but this does mean it is affecting her development. She can’t be stopped though. Jack and her played together while Lara and I talked about motherhood, our births, life, our childhoods, etc. We took a walk around her neighborhood and laughed at the fact that the last time we had done this was probably at the age of 9 when we were trick-or-treating. So strange to be pushing/carrying our babies through the same neighborhood 20 years later.
Jack “wow these toys are awesome!”
Cadence “um what is that boy doing?”

We’re paying attention to the camera, but the babies are looking at Lara’s mom. hahaha.

Notice Cadence is rocking the jeggings. So stylish already.

Okay this requires some explanation. Lara and my mom met while working at the hospital. I found some letters my mom had written saying that Marcia was one of the first friends she met upon moving to Colorado. When they were pregnant with Lara and myself, they took a pre-natal jazzercise class together….I am not positive it was jazzercise, but that makes the story more hilarious. I am just imagining sweat bands, slouched socks, and giant bellies. When I was born, Lara’s mom made me a blanket (similar to the one above). So when Lara was born, my mom borrowed the pattern and made her an identical blanket (the one in the picture). Lara took care of her shit, so my blanket didn’t survive me loving it to death. But her’s did. Thus when we got together a picture had to be taken.


It wasn’t until I took this picture that it really hit me. I found myself driving away with tears in my eyes. I had a wonderful time hanging out with Cadence and Lara, but I realized on my way to Jack’s grandparents that someone was missing from this picture. 😦 I guess I won’t ever stop missing her. Which I know isn’t a bad thing. I am so thankful to still have Lara in my life.