Last Thursday was my first Dodgeball game. I have obviously been looking forward to this for a while and apparently…..in my head….I thought I was a really good dodgeball player. The reality of the situation is….well not so much. Turns out Dodgeball requires a few key things, most notably though, the ability to throw balls and hit others with them……and…well…I can’t throw for shit! Okay well I can throw and my aim is pretty good, the problem is, I throw at the speed of dark. You know that whole rule about if you catch the ball someone else throws then they are out? Yeah, it is totally easy for my opponent to have plenty of time to see my ball coming at them and catch it. Like enough time to walk over to the water cooler, grab a drink, ask someone about their day, and return to their spot to catch my ball. I am sooooo slow at throwing balls.
But fear not, for I have determined my new super-secret-weapon-plan-for-playing-dodgeball. That is to stand near the back, retrieve balls, and hand them off to the other players who can throw. So the only problem with my SSWPFPD is that with one of our rounds, I found myself to be the last player on our side of the court. So I spent a good 3 minutes looking like a complete ass as I lobbed balls unsuccessfully at the other side.
So my modified SSWPFPD is that I will retrieve and pass off balls, but I can’t stay in the game longer than my other teammates….or I have to learn to catch the ball. And dudes, those balls are fucking slippery! Do you remember in gym when we played dodgeball and they were those large red rubber balls with little hatch marks all over them? Yeah, apparently real dodgeballs are smaller and slippery-er. We practiced a little bit before the game started and I had trouble holding on to it, let along catching it, it was so slippery. Do you think they would figure it out of I put glue on my hands for better grip? Me thinks that might be an act of “taking it too seriously”.
Long story short: dodgeball was a lot of fun. I woke up with a sore shoulder and tender thighs, because if there is one thing I can do, it is dodge a ball (that’s what she said). Apparently I need to practice throwing and hopefully by the end of this “season” I will be faster. We shall see.