Thought Vomit coming at ya!
- Someone please remind me that it is a bad idea to fill a giant cup up with water and then sit in traffic for an hour on my way home from work. Apparently it has taken me several days to learn my lesson. The past few days I have found myself kegeling like my life depended on it, coaching myself ‘you can hold it! you can hold it!’ and making a mad dash into the house, where I leave the door flung open, my pants are mid-leg as I sprint into the bathroom. No good peeps.
- I found myself having my first real-life conversation with a stranger about infertility…..well not infertility per se, but trouble conceiving. It was when we were at the bridal salon in Grand Junction. I was sitting on the floor while Bret filled out paperwork and Jack was crawling around. This woman came over and started talking to him, she knelt down and he crawled right over to her. She said something to the affect of ‘we’ve been trying for one of you for a long time’. To which I responded ‘oh really? it took us a while to get him as well’. She mentioned she had been trying for 6 years!! and I found myself painfully aware that Bret, her sister, and the bridal consultant were all right there with us, but I SOOoo wanted to delve more into the conversation. To tell her about all of you, to ask her what they have tried, etc. etc. But I didn’t. She played with Jack for a minute longer and then stood up and said ‘thanks for that’. Like I am the only person in the world that would let her play with their kid or maybe she was thanking me for sharing that she’s not the only one out there who had issues? I am not sure. My heart ached. I can’t stop thinking about her, I should have got her e-mail address, or given her mine….something. I should have done something.
- We have a dry erase calendar on our fridge. It is super helpful to let Andy know what is coming up, especially because he has like the worst memory ever. When I travel for work, I usually have to tell him 3 times when the dates are and point him to the calendar. Sometimes he gets a bit silly with the calendar. That started with my brother. When he would come over, he would invariably draw something on the calendar or write “zombie killing training” on one of the days. Well apparently after one instance of wearing my sexy lingerie last week, Andy was inspired. I saw the calendar when I got home last weekend and he had written “sex” on every day. I definitely can’t keep up with that one.
- We won our dodgeball game last week! HFS! I couldn’t believe it. It was so awesome…..of course you must know I didn’t really do anything to help. I am the LVP – Least Valuable Player. Although I can retrieve and hand a ball to my teammates who actually can throw like it’s nobody’s business. That is my role. I am basically a glorified ball girl. I did attempt to hit people a few times….yeah it was still pretty sad. Tonight we have two games. Maybe tonight will be my night! The night I actually get someone out using a dodgeball….but don’t hold your breath.
- I may be crazy. For the past 29 years I have avoided Black Friday shopping like the plague. In fact I am so offended that stores make their employees show up at 4am the day after Thanksgiving, that I won’t buy anything all day. Not even a candy bar from the gas station at 7pm. It is my “fuck you” to those assholes who don’t respect holidays and family time and what not…..but this year I have found myself actually considering looking at the Black Friday ads, just to see whether there might be a good deal on a flat screen TV. What the fuck is happening to me? I am not saying I am going…..I am definitely not saying I am going anywhere at 4am…..but just the fact that I am considering looking at the ads….it is all downhill from here people. I might need an intervention.
- Speaking of Thanksgiving! This will be our first Thanksgiving in our house!…..which we bought in 2008. Andy’s family is FINALLY going out of town for a holiday, so we actually had the opportunity to have our own Thanksgiving and my Dad is doing something with his wife’s family. So YAY!!!! I am so excited!!! I am finally going to get to use my china! I finally get to cook what I want…..which if it was truly just up to me would be rolls and mashed potatoes. Who needs anything else? I mean really. We don’t have to leave our house! Score. And we could eat in our pajamas if we so choose. This is going to be the best fucking Thanksgiving ever!!! I bought a ham….a spiral honey ham….mmmm. You all can come over if you want. I have plenty of place settings. Bring your pjs.
And that’s it for this installment. Lesson’s learned this week: pee before you leave work,…..I think that is about it. It is very important though. Your car with thank you.