Dudes, we have a tooth….one single tooth on my 9 month old baby, yeah suck it you mom’s with babies my age or younger with 4 or more…..And for my closest ladies, I mean suck it in like the nicest way possible. Imagine I am handing you a candy cane (holiday themed post – check) and telling you to suck it. We good? Alright then.
So yes, we have a tooth….well Jack has a tooth. Let me tell you it is one of the most exciting and yet terrifying things in my world right now. First – the exciting part! – my kid won’t need dentures. He won’t be the youngest Polident spokesperson. I won’t have to play momma bird and pre-chew all of his food for the rest of his life…..okay I realize we are getting ahead of ourselves. We are just talking about one tooth so far. He won’t be that successful if more don’t show up. But at least it is a sign of progress. Woohoo! My kid will most likely get more teeth!
Okay terrifying – Have you ever been really excited about something that is the equivalent to putting your arm into a blender that has a history of randomly going off because there is a short in the wiring? This analogy will make more sense in a sec, let me explain.
I discovered said tooth on his 9 month day mark, or whatever you want to call it. To call it his 9 month birthday sounds weird. I was brushing his gums, like we do every night…why?….because I am starting good habits, that is why! don’t make fun of me. A dentist literally told Pickles that you should get your baby used to brushing their teeth early so then it is not a big fight when the time comes. So there. Medical professionals agree. Anyway, I was brushing Jack’s gums and I like to get a little feel in at the end to see if there is anything to report about. And I felt the slightest bit of sharpness. Nothing you could see, but I knew it was coming.
I trotted upstairs and victoriously announced that Jack would not be a toothless wonder for much longer. Andy and his sister weren’t that excited about it. They were like ‘eh whatever’. So I trotted back down stairs and turned to Jack ‘well I am excited for you’. Then came the time to put my boob in his mouth…..and suddenly this fear washed over me. Holy fuck! This is terrible. This is the worst thing that could ever happen.
Jack has chomped me before. When his gums are bothering him and I am feeding him half asleep, sometimes a nice chomp down will happen. It wakes me up, I detach him immediately and we give him some time to know that isn’t awesome. The gum-only chomps aren’t terrible, but they aren’t pleasant either. Now we are adding a razor blade into the mix and I am fucking scared peeps.
The only good thing about this situation is we are only talking about one tooth and it is on the bottom, so when he is eating he covers it with his tongue. But I have become like a jittery nervous wreck near the end of each feeding. I am watching him closely to make sure I can get him off of there when he is done drinking and before he gets a gnaw in there.
This is a scary new world.