In-Laws of Nature

I am T minus 6 hours away from picking up my MIL from the airport. If you need the connection, she is flying into town for the blessed day that will be Jack’s first birthday party….well barring cancellation due to the fact that Jack looks like a heroin addict right now. Scratches all over his face,  red eye lids and cheeks. Lots of snot….yes Jack caught my cold. Awesome-pants…not so much. He is fine though. The little dude will still rally a smile as much as possible. He does get pissed that you would like to sit down and hold him because he would certainly prefer to be held as you stand. You don’t need to walk around, standing is just fine for him. Le sigh.

The positive part is that whilst I have been feeling like my little nugget is growing at exponential rates, this past week has reminded me that he still wants his momma…and I want to be wanted. So I am soaking up the cuddles, even if it does require lots of snot wiping and very interesting diaper outputs.

Anyway back to the In-Law topic. I think it is the impending anniversary of Jack’s birth that has me all in a frenzy because I have certainly seen my MIL since that day. However, at this time all I can think about is the fact that my MIL has seen my vajayjay. And not just like in a casual ‘oh I am sorry for walking in on you nekid and catching a quick glimpse of your business’. I mean she has SEEN it…..she watched a child come out of there. And her eyes were closer to the action than mine were…..so I am feeling VERY awkward today.

On the one hand, my vajayjay looks drastically different (I assume) today then it did 12 months ago. But that also makes a part of me want to show her things now. Like wanting to point out ‘listen, things were a little crazy down there last time you saw my business, let me show you that things aren’t always in that condition’. That would be like fuel to the awkward fire right? To try to get my MIL to see it again. I am not sure where that thought even came from…..actually yes I do. Hello it is me we are talking about here.

So let’s move past my vajay for a bit….actually let’s move past her for the remainder of the day. As I am sure almost all of us do, the past several days have been crazy cleaning and preparation time. We went so far as to finally paint a couple of rooms in our house. Nothing like paint to cover up that pesky dirty wall situation, am I right?….alone there?…maybe so. As a result of this experience I have decided it is important to paint your house every 3 years. If not sooner. We’ve been in this house for 4 years and I can’t believe how a coat of paint makes it feel brand new. 4 years was much too long. So 3 years is the new schedule.

In addition to painting, I shampooed the carpets, organized a bunch of shit, and areas I didn’t have time to work on, I took five minutes to shove stuff into the back of closets and what not. So basically we’re good. I am ready to receive my MIL. I am trying to take bets….with myself obviously…on whether she will attempt to clean the house more anyway? I am thinking yes.

I love my MIL. She really has been a great help and an inspiration to me…..but it is definitely still awkward that she has seen my vajayjay. How will I ever get over this?

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5 thoughts on “In-Laws of Nature

  1. LMAO. And THIS is why I didn’t allow Charlie to call his parents until after the birth. 🙂

    You crack me up, every single frickin’ time.

  2. Oh man, that is HI-larious. Definitely spread ’em the moment she walks in the door. In fact, you really didn’t need to paint and clean, just hang your nethers out at all times and I promise she’d be in no condition to notice a little dirt on the walls. (But just in case you are genuinely feeling awkward, she’s a woman, right? And she gave birth, yeah? She don’t care about your lady garden, I promise.)

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