Still of the Night

The weather has been so amazing here the last few days that I have been going on walks every evening after dinner. Last night it was just Jack and me….well and the stars. When we started out Jack was awake. So I talked to him and told him that when I was little my parents and I used to go on barefoot walks in the evenings (hippies, I know)ย and that I can’t wait to take him on barefoot walks when he gets bigger.

He is funny because he likes to actually partake in the conversation so he will babble back to me like he completely understands what we’re talking about. After a few blocks he passed out and then it was just me and the brain. I stared up at the stars and thought back to a year ago. About that time I was hanging out on the stairs, singing to Adele and working through my labor.

What an exciting experience that was. Just hours away from first meeting this little man. I thought of how hot and soft his little body was when I pulled him up to my chest. I remember thinking ‘holy crap! A baby!’. I remember looking at his purply-greyish skin and his squished up little face, his little eyes looked up at me like they were saying ‘what the fuck just happened? that was intense’.

I walked along and thought about how lucky I am. How truly fortunate. I looked at the stars and thought about my ladies out there still waiting on their little gifts and I thought up to the Universe ‘please send them along quickly’. Because everyone deserves to be as perfectly happy as I was in that exact moment.

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8 thoughts on “Still of the Night

  1. I know EXACTLY what you mean. I love those quiet moments, when he just nuzzles into me and I can smell that baby scent. I remember that first day in the hospital, just holding him against me, letting our heartbeats thump in unison. I remember looking at my husband and seeing that deep raw emotion in his face at the miracle we’d just created. And now I’m crying. Thanks, Bitch! ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. So sweet. I have moments like that often in Chloe’s nursery…I just look around and think how this room used to be a guest room and now look at it. Here’s to many more of those moments and always remembering how lucky we are to have these little guys in our lives, even on our toughest days. This comment just got way too serious. ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Your turn to make me cry. They totally deserve it. Hoping it comes soon. Happy birthday sweet Jack. I can’t wait to kiss your face again!! (you too, mom)

  4. Happy birthday, Jack!

    Yep, these moments are pretty spectacular. Tonight we listening to Ziggy Marley’s kids album (hippies) after our post-dinner walk, and I was making a pie while N was chasing a hysterically laughing Arlo around the living room with a dish towel on his head, and I thought with a little lump in my throat, “This is exactly what I always, always wanted. This is my dream.”

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