She-Baby Shenanigans

Well peeps another acorn is about to drop out of the Oak tree so it be time to CELEBRATE IN THE BLOGISPHERE!!!!!!! Those of you who don’t know Oak are probably lost because I am pretty sure all of my buddies follow her too.

Basically Oak’s a real bitch. See we were supposed to be baby buddies. Mac and Jack were born 3 days apart and we were both ready for numero dos as soon as humanly possible, ASAHP! Of course she was the only one that worked out for. Therefore – Bitch!

Being of Irish decent, it shouldn’t have come as a surprise that Mac-Attack and She-baby will be a mere 15 months apart, those Irish, we know what they do with their free time and it doesn’t have anything to do with potatoes……or at least we hope it doesn’t.

All joking aside, or at least for a paragraph, then we’ll get back to joking – we are all so happy that Oak was able to get “accidentally” (because obviously she was aware she ovulated) pregnant after struggling with IF to get Mac. It is something that all IFers hope for – that someday there might be a time when we don’t have to temp, chart, get stabbed by tiny needles, drink weird concoctions, force our husbands to bang us 52 days in a row, take pills, monitor with u/s, do injections….you get the idea.

Oak is out there showing us that maybe, perhaps that first hard-won pregnancy will be the key to resetting our crazy bodies and get us working right again. Maybe our second kids won’t be a multiple year process. So thank you Oak, thank you for showing us the light. Congrats on getting “accidentally pregnant”…..you whore!

As is the dealie with bloggy-babyshowers, some of us picked out apparel for the She-Baby. Now I know what you are thinking.

Natalie picked out something truly inappropriate for Oak no doubt!

….and you are right! I found so many inappropriate options for She-Baby that my ass-hole cup had runneth over.

I was in the contemplation stages between a onesie that said “Fuck the Milk, Where are the Whiskey Tits?” and “I’m Cute? No Shit”. But then something happened. A onesie found me.

It found me and it said ‘hey! don’t be an asshole, this is the onesie made for She-baby’. So I obliged. Here you are baby girl. No need for auntie Natalie to give you a shirt with bad words because between your mother and the rest of us, we will get you cussing all too soon as it is.

Also FYI, your name is actually Natalie. It doesn’t matter what your parents decide to name you, you were conceived on my birthday and I told your mom that your name would be Natalie. Boy or girl in fact. Your mom’s response was “my poor son!”. Ha we showed her you were meant to be a Natalie! Way to go in their with the growing of the vagina and what not…..I guess you did all the work.

We can’t wait for you to arrive, we have lots of friends for you to play with. I know you’ll have Macky to look out for you to. As a little sister myself, I must warn you – having an older brother can suck ass for a good….25 years or so. See boys like to sit on you, punch you, handcuff you to chairs, tie your bedroom door knob to the bathroom door knob across the hall so you can’t open your door. Forcing you to crawl out your bedroom window only to realize that now you are locked out of the house completely……just as an example.

Hopefully Mac-Attack won’t be like that. But chances are, sometimes he will. Guess what? There is an awesome ending to that story. When Mac gets to be in his 20’s all of a sudden he will turn into your best friend in the whole world. And then you’ll be like ‘YEAH! It was so worth it to almost get impaled by that hockey puck because my big brother is AWESOME!!!!!’.

I call my big brother Big Butter. Being as I am your aunt, I will totally be cool with it if you decide to call Mac that as well. Just stay strong little lady. Knowing your momma, I would say Mac should actually watch his back!

Also one more thing little girl – turn the fuck over! Geez way to have us all yo-yoing around. It is like back and forth with you. Maybe you really just want to be cut out of there, but listen, the vagina is really the way to go if you can get there. Sure it’s a tight squeeze and what not, but your momma’s is totally already blown out, so it will have way more space now than it did a year ago. Plus I won’t be able to make fun of her vagina if you come out of her belly. Come on girl – do it for me.

I think that about wraps it up. I can’t wait to meet you and hold you in my arms. You’re going to be the best Natalie that ever lived….even if your name is something else. Love you She-Baby!

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5 thoughts on “She-Baby Shenanigans

  1. Okay, I laughed through that whole thing (almost) and I should say that I originally read the line “My asshole up runneth over” as “my asshole runneth over” and I got concerned. Then I re-read and felt much better. The onesie? yeah, um, perfect. Freaking perfect! I love.

    And thanks for the words of encouragement about getting She-Baby into the vagina gig. Um, that sounds odd…you know what I mean. Her sexual preferences can be determined closer to puberty.

    My cup runneth over thanks to all you awesome assholes. 🙂 xoxo

  2. Pingback: Ah Jeez. I’m Blushing. « acorn chronicles

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