I have an appointment on Friday for my second date with Destinee. You all remember her? Is it weird that I feel awkward going back to the same person when it comes to waxing the nether-regions? I sort of feel like in this case perhaps it is best to be a slutty whore and shop the job out to a complete stranger each time.
I am curious to see how she is doing and whether she took my advice and checked out some of the books/resources. But then that kind of feels bitchy too right? Like ‘did you listen to my awesome and wonderful all-knowing advice? or did you forget all about it as soon as I walked out the door?’ Because it is completely possible she was like ‘ugh what does that bitch know?’
Just kidding, no one has ever said that about me? Because I am in fact a genius and everyone recognizes it….or something like that.
Another reason I am thinking about cancelling my date with Destinee…which just seems like bad karma….is that I had a serious in-grown hair down there…And somehow that ingrown hair turned into a situation….so I am sort of like ‘should I hide out for another week? or will this just be like totally normal to her?’….as Oak told me, my vajay is nothing special so it probably won’t even phase her. But it isn’t like I have extensive experience with this. I assume probably the only times you don’t go get waxed is if you are getting a visit from AF or something SERIOUSLY wrong and disgusting is happening down there, like an STD….or a baby is coming out. I just want to make sure that if she sees it she will recognize it as a healing in-grown hair and not worry I am about to give her something. ya know? Her job is dangerous enough with out those worries.
Let’s see what else is happening with me? Uhhhhh…things are pretty boring around here. We survived our family pictures yesterday. It had rained for a couple of hours prior, so there was threat of rescheduling. Which if you have a husband who hates getting his picture taken as much as mine, and who has been bitching and dreading this day for a week, rescheduling is pretty much worse than death. I was not going to survive another week of dealing with him….well I at least was not going to survive another week without losing all sense of my own happiness. When he is in those moods it seriously sucks my will to live.
Don’t you love how your husband will be bitching all day about something and then turn to you and say ‘why are you in a bad mood?’. Oh I don’t know, maybe because I have been listening to your mopey ass! Just as an example…of some other married couple. ahem.
Anyway, turns out Andy was actually pleasant during the pictures. I think it helped that pretty much everyone on the planet told him that it was important to me….or at least I did and his sister did. So he apparently rallied for me. It also helped that our photographer is a cute tiny chick and rode with us in Andy’s truck. She was like ‘ooo this is so cool! I bet you feel REALLY safe in here’. Way to go photographer chick! She also constantly told us how hot we were….which really isn’t true, but man did I feel like a super model. A sweaty super model. So the thing about rain in the summer in addition to me changing my clothes and Jack’s clothes and swinging him up in the air to keep him smiling and laughing is….basically I was a sweaty mess.
Also my hair went flat. Mother-effer. It was so fucking cute you guys when I first did it. It was like I actually know how to do something presentable to my hair. By the time we got to her house, flatsville. I even sprayed the shit out of it with extra hold. I didn’t have a chance.
Another thing that will make you a sweaty mess, when you decide to put on the spanx in the back seat of your husbands truck all the while hoping he doesn’t look back and see you wrestling yourself into them. I even opted for the comfier, less restrictive, version of spanx…maidenform I think? because I didn’t want to be wrestling myself into them. Yeah well…no luck there. I was just going to not put them on, but then I was like ‘hey you bought them, they are here….and you will so be pissed if you get a pooch ruining your otherwise super hot supermodel pictures’. Am I right?…..
Now a smart Natalie would have put her spanx outfit on first and then switched to her jeans outfit….um hindsight. That is all I have to say. It did occur to me, but I made the extremely poor decision of asking the photographer which outfit she would like us to start with….my bad.
Also something to keep in mind…I was SOOoooo glad that I had a jacket for over my sleeveless dress. Because the black shirt I bought from old nav.y combined with my sweat left black fuzz all over me, but was especially concentrated in my pits. Can you imagine if there had been no jacket? Folks let’s not even go there. Let’s just be thankful that things went the way they did and not dwell too much on the what ifs.
All in all we survived…and then Andy and I
snuggled on the couch and watched a movie passed out on the couch. Family picture success….oh and don’t even ask. It is the height of wedding season, so I am not expecting anything from her for 3 weeks.