I am not a Farmer – Learning About Yourself.

I am not sure what I was thinking?….actually I kind of do, I was thinking ‘hey you know what would be cool? if I could offset the cost of produce at the grocery store by growing stuff to make my own salads!’…..yeaaahhh.

It all started out great. I bought some pot growing supplies, I built some planters and shiz…I started my seeds in this little incubator thingy on the kitchen table and transferred them to the planters when they were ready. I checked the plant spacing tables twice, sometimes three times to make sure that everything had plenty of room and was ready to go.

Then things got amazing! My plants started to look serious! Look at this shit:

HOLY CRAP, is that FOOD? Yes it totally is! This last picture is the lettuce I then poured dressing over and ate as if it were a real-life salad that you get from those bags. Crazy right? I produced enough lettuce for 3 salads like that one, one sugar snap pea, one pea pod, and then……and then….stupid fucking mother nature came in a effed it all up! One day I had visions of barrels of cucumbers turning into pickles and perhaps a few more sugar snap peas, the next day we had four days of 100+ temp and then crazy ass winds that broke my plants at the base. My lettuce held on for a little while longer before shriveling up completely…..my cucumbers went from 20-some plants, to 9 plants, to 3 plants, and now I am looking at one sad little cucumber plant that hasn’t grown in a month…..I have officially killed all of my crops…except for one tomato plant that has one little tiny red tomato on it…..eventually it might get big enough to eat.

Sigh….I am going to have to try again next year. But basically it boils down to cost – my 3 bowls of lettuce, one pea, one sugar snap pea, and potentially one tomato cost me about $75….granted, next year it will cost me nothing since I still have the seeds and everything else is already there….scratch that, it will cost me about $15 to get some more compost to rejuvenate the soil…..but basically this has been the most expensive produce I have ever paid for.

Go figure I am not a farmer…..of course I will try again. I am determined to find my green thumb under all this white skin! It is down there.

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5 thoughts on “I am not a Farmer – Learning About Yourself.

  1. Bahaha, this cracks me up! We built a raised garden this spring too and it is insane how much it filled in! We have peppers out the ass, my green beans have all been eaten, my tomato plants are huge but have no veggies on them, my basil has produced well but I have yet to use it…so yeah, even though I have managed to not kill it (who knew I had it in me?) and we had a $500 water bill to keep those puppies alive, I haven’t eaten one thing out of the garden yet.

  2. This happens to me every damn year. Things start off so promising…this year all my greens (arugula, spinach, beets, radishes) went straight to bolted, and all my squash plants have zero squashes. But I’m getting a few tomatoes, and that’s all I really garden for, so I’m okay. So, try again, but be aware that something will always fucking fail. Or else you have too much time on your hands for gardening.

  3. I have grandiose visions for my garden too. Aaaaand, it turns out pretty much the way you described it. I did get my tomatoes to grow this year though…and I have made salsa out of them a few times. Progress! Now if those pesky cucumbers could grow a little I’d be happy!

    Good luck next year!!

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