Looking at the calendar this morning I realized that in 20-some days I will be turning 30…..and I just….eh?…I don’t know.
I mean besides the fact that I will be getting an iphone* and thus improving my phone picture quality exponentially and also gaining the ability to take video (GASP – can you imagine!?!?!), this birthday is really just another birthday you know?….I mean I feel like I should be more excited about it or that I should feel that it is more significant…but I just don’t.
Maybe if some of my friends weren’t 4 or so years ahead of me, and I didn’t know anyone who has obviously survived past the age of 30, then I would see it differently, but really 30 is no bigs. I still strangely feel young and in need of more growth before I can officially call myself an adult…..by the way, apparently this is the benefit with surrounding yourself with old friends so take note (don’t get your granny panties in a twist ladies I am just teasing you!….and it is highly likely that my underoos are more “granny” than yours).
When August 9th rolled around I thought ’30 days, I should do something special, like a post-a-day with something poignant that I have learned in my oh-so-long-and-knowledgeable life’….then I realized, that would be a crock of shit! I am not sure that I have 10 poignant things to say, let alone 30. Besides you know most of those 10 anyway.
The most significant being about wiener-rubbing obviously. If you learn nothing else from my blog – please learn that wiener-rubbing is the most important skill on the planet. It is all-inclusive – it keeps a marriage strong and it helps you get your way? Who doesn’t like getting their way? Um no one ever, duh! This advice is pretty much applicable to everyone except Lesbians….sorry Lesbians, apparently I am not capable of coming up with great life lessons for you. Oh wait and I guess it doesn’t work so well for hetero men as well….eh well in a pinch I suppose anyone could use it. And if you’re a hetero man then just rub your own wiener and then go get your wife some flowers or something….kind of a rough recovery with that one.
This is reminding me why I am opting for cremation….you know while we are keeping things light and upbeat. I just realized if I died today and my most important contribution to the world was my advice about weiner-rubbing then there would be the possibility of that somehow ending up on my headstone. Wow that would be awful! So thankfully I will not have a headstone….um can someone also make sure that it doesn’t say that on any monuments erected for me?…bahhaaa erected! I crack myself up, as usual.
Alright back on topic – so I guess we can deduce that I have nothing significant to say/tell you. I guess it is possible in 20-some days that lightening will strike and I will suddenly know the meaning of life or something crazy like that…..by the way, I think the meaning of life is to be a good person, to use foul language as much as possible (while maintaining that good person thing – don’t get confused!), and also to not take yourself too seriously….which this probably goes without saying, but I am winning at that one.
So what are my hopes for the next 30 years? I dunno, have another kid hopefully. Eat some more chocolate. Travel to some more places. Master the ability to dye my own hair (which I am not winning at as of this morning….amazing what good lighting reveals). Maintain the amazing friendships I have found and continue to make more. I guess basically just grow in general. Grow my brain (although my forehead isn’t sure it could take that), grow my heart, grow my pocket-book…just kidding….but I am not. Who doesn’t want to grow their pocket-book….wait what the fuck is a pocket-book? I don’t have one of those. Substitute bank account for pocket-book.
Hopefully I will get the chance at ze dream job….and hopefully on this side of the next 30 years and not too far towards the other side. Hopefully the universe has some great things in store for me….besides just better phone pictures, but hey, at least that is something tangible. Some instant gratification.
* this makes it sound like you must turn 30 before you can own an iphone…not the case as the majority of the planet knows. This is in fact one of my self-imposed regulations and also a regulation that has something to do with verizon permitting upgrades or something? I gave my upgrade to Andy back in March so he could get an iphone….so then decided I would wait for one until his upgrade was available.