This statement should have been tattooed on my forehead so Andy could realize right away everything he needed to know about me. I do what I want. That about sums me up. I will admit to you honestly that there have been times in our marriage when this aspect of me hasn’t gone over so well. I feel like I have learned from those times and grown up. I have learned that doing what I want doesn’t mean the same thing as “ignore your husband and his needs”.
But after constant adjustment (which in my opinion is what every relationship needs – constant re-evaluation and adjustment) we are in a groove. He knows me. He knows this is me.
It is after these fun jaunts around the country that I realize that I really do have the life I always wanted and it is all thanks to me (yay me! I am so incredibly awesome…bahhaa just teasing) and obviously having a husband who understands and embraces me.
Someone once asked me where I stood amongst my siblings: answer = I am the youngest of two. They then proceeded to tell me that I was best suited to marry someone in the same standing in the family (i.e. another youngest child) and that most marriage issues are rooted in this idea of family standing. Now interpret that in whatever way you like. To me there are so many theories about what makes marriage work and I feel like there are things that are applicable from several different ones. But no single one holds true for everyone. So I have come to think that there is some truth in this theory, but obviously it isn’t all-encompassing.
After hearing this person’s theories. I proceeded to promptly ignore them and marry an oldest child. Ha! take that expert person who I can’t remember any specifics about! Again – I do what I want! I don’t think his?….maybe her? theory is exactly true in the case of Andy and my marriage. I would say there are definitely many traits I have that are much more typical of an oldest child and things about him that are much more typical of a youngest child. Therefore this “theory” is definitely not a strong one for knowing and solving all marriage problems.
There are times though, when I think about this conversation I had and think ‘what am I doing right now? and are my feelings/actions typical of a youngest child’. I tend to DEFINITELY be a youngest child on the inside. My inside voice is a total brat. I am telling you if she were ever to get out, you all would be in so much shock and awe and probably think it was awesome and hilarious too.
To give you an idea of what this inside voice is like let’s look at a situation.
Let’s say I want Andy to come with me somewhere – like to the botanical gardens and he says no. Inside youngest child says ‘what? he should HAVE to go, because I WANT him to! (stomping feet)’. That is basically what it is like in there. Then there is a rational box that thought gets filtered through that says ‘you are being ridiculous, he is his own person and doesn’t have to do what you say. Plus if you throw a fit and make him go he will be miserable and then you will not really enjoy yourself’. Thus the results are usually ‘okay honey, you can stay home and I will go to the botanical gardens’.
Believe me that rational box filter has become IMPERATIVE to our marriage and it has really led to probably the strongest relationship I could ever have hoped for. I have realized that while Andy grants me the freedom to travel as much as I want and do all the things that I love doing, I sometimes have to turn around and make sure he is getting the things he needs too. And as much as I joke, that is not exclusively limited to wiener rubbing (although lest we not forget the importance of that!). Sometimes I get on a selfish roll and start thinking that I should always get everything I ever want, but that is definitely not the case. It is a balance yo.
So I am elated to report that last weekend I made Andy a VERY happy boy. And not in a dirty way….although don’t get me wrong I would be telling you about that too. I am a sharer after all.
It was a bit of a crazy 24 hours really. But it all worked out for the best. I boarded a plane for Chicago and Andy woke up the next morning and picked up Herb.
I got to name him and I named him Herb…mostly because it is one of my favorite old man names but also because he has a ridiculously hilarious interior. He is a 1972 Bronco for those of you who don’t have a husband who is obsessed with Broncos to a point that you could pick one out from a mile away.
Herb is my trade off….for booking a ridiculous amount of trips in the past year and for pretty much doing whatever I want the majority of the time. Andy really is one of the most awesome dudes ever – no you can’t have him – and just seeing his excitement and enthusiasm has really made my heart swell….even yesterday when I was folding my body in half and climbing into the back seat….because obviously Jack’s car seat gets the passenger’s seat. Even when I was suddenly painfully aware of the fact that I have now traded a heated leather passenger’s seat that reclines and has a headrest and lumbar support, for a bench seat with a back that goes up to right below my middle back and has a lap belt…..but it makes him so happy. And really who needs heated leather seats and a headrest?….um well me, but I can live without it to make him happy.