A Toilet Training Toddler – Lesson 1

Well well well. You know that whole concept of the power of suggestion? Yeah it will bite you in the ass. Not 24 hours after I wrote this last post, I was staring at a shit on my floor. Awesome. So that brings us to lesson 1 of toilet training – your kid is smarter than you.

Sure sure maybe he doesn’t know the nominal dimensions of a 2×4 or the order of treatment for removing mineral stains on 100-year-old stone buildings, but when it comes to him learning how to poop like a grown up, he is smarter. End of story.

First off, let’s pat ourselves on the back for a minute. Because I do in fact think that our “plan” is a good one. When we brought him home from daycare I put him in a cloth diaper and fed him dinner. Then we cleaned him up and let him run around. Andy brought his toilet (sorry folks ‘potty’ is just too much of a ‘parent’ word for me…..I refuse to admit that I am actually a parent and use parent words….whatever okay just placate me) out and he ignored it for the most part. Then a little while later he walked over to it and started trying to push his diaper down, as if it were actually underwear. So Andy busted him out and we proceeded to laugh as he ran around naked again.

He got on and off the toilet a couple of times and then I kind of decided ‘eh it’s probably not in the cards’. So back in the diaper he went. Next up was bathtime and then a diaper. I had a laundry basket full of clean clothes and of course the pajamas were at the bottom. So I just let Jack off the changing table while I put away his clothes and located the pjs. Andy was standing next to me chatting up a storm, like he does. A bit later in walks Jack butt ass naked.

Andy: hey buddy where did your diaper go?

Me: ooo check to see if he went in the toilet!

Andy: (walking out to the living room) well we have located the turd….it isn’t in the toilet per se

About a foot away from the toilet sat a little poo. Hmmm what do we do here? Well…okay….wing it Natalie. Jack look, (scooping up poo with wipe) this goes in here, see?

brain: you have no fucking idea what you are doing here do ya?

natalie: shut it brain, no one actually knows what they are doing….this just seems logical

brain: it may seem logical, but now you have to clean the floor and the toilet because you wanted to put the poo in the toilet to show him.

natalie: you know what brain? you can suck it! I don’t see any other amazing ideas coming from you

So that is what happened. I mean on the one hand: technically Jack is starting to see the benefit of not shitting in your pants…..but shitting on the floor?…hmmm. What have we gotten ourselves into with this whole ‘raising a human’ thing?

Also it was pretty much our bad in this case. If we had been in the same room, paying attention maybe we would have seen him wanting his diaper off and been able to swoop in and set him on the pot. So apparently you need to just hover over your kid like all the time….or force them to continue to shit in a diaper? Hey guess what? I have no idea what I am doing! Isn’t parenting fun?

3 thoughts on “A Toilet Training Toddler – Lesson 1

  1. I don’t know much about toilet training, but it sounds like you’re off to a great start. I’m sure there are thousands of books about this whole thing, but maybe just following your instincts is equally good. I did hear one approach involves choosing a time when you can let the kid run around naked, in a restricted area where there won’t be too much damage, and directing him or her to the TOILET (SO WITH YOU ON THE HIDEOUSNESS OF THAT WORD). Still though, he associates the crapper with crap, and that’s fabulous!

  2. Oops, I guess we all should have seen that one coming, haha. As I’m reading more about kids and (toilet) training, I’m realizing getting new carpet last fall might have been a mistake. 🙂

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