Grandparent Tranquilizers

I wish there was some sort of tranquilizers for grandparents or like a smoke bomb that you could set off so you can get away. I am running into a whole lotta grandparent static recently.

We went to see my grandma on Sunday morning and Jack was feeling like total crap. So much so that as soon as we got to her house, I put him back in the car to go get some acetaminophen. I rocked him in my grandma’s chair, but then realized that it would be a while until she got to see him again*, so she should be able to rock him. He apparently was feeling like such crap that he didn’t care who rocked him. My aunt and uncle were there and we all sat around and chatted. Every once in a while my grandma would be like ‘Jack! should we go walk around in the grass outside and tickle our toes?’

My uncle would then say ‘I don’t think Jack is going anywhere grandma, he doesn’t feel well’. So then she would just be silent and rock him. Say things like ‘you’re grandma’s little doll aren’t you?’ and other adorable things. But some time would pass and then she would say ‘should we go tickle our toes on the grass Jack?’. And again one of us would say ‘I don’t think he wants to move grandma’.

Poor guy was trying his darndest to fall asleep and she just kept waking him up with her talking. He would get soooo droopy eyed that I would think he would finally pass out and then she would wake him back up again with talk of playing in the grass. Needless to say, she is not all there.

Finally it was like a light switch went off. I imagined Jack thought this:

Alright I can either get up and play with that basket of balls and cups and random shit that grandma put in the toy bin, or I can stay here and listen to her talk about going outside some more….

Because just like that he popped up, walked over to the basket of toys and started throwing balls…some of them directly at grandma’s face.

I felt bad for him, but it was also awesome and this was sweet:

Basically a whole plethora of emotions in one afternoon.

Another incident of grandparent’s needing to be tranquilized culminated today, when my dad’s wife asked for the third time in two weeks if she could have Jack overnight on Friday.

So here’s how things went down. They were home on a Staycation last week. Emmicakes was having a birthday and wanted to go to a comedy show. So I asked them if they might take Jack on Friday night so we could go to a show. She responded that they were going to be climbing but gave me a list of the next three Fridays basically, in which they would gladly take Jack.

Normally when I am doing date nights I don’t really care when they occur, but this was kind of a specific night so I said no worries, we had alternatives. Thinking she would get that we don’t need a different day instead. Anyway, Sunday she mentioned again ‘hey should we take Jack overnight this next Friday then?’. No thanks, I said, we went to that show for emily’s birthday’. I was silly in thinking that was the end of it.

Then yesterday I get a text about them coming down to dinner on Friday and they wanted us to meet them and then could they take Jack home with them for the night. Ooo sorry we have plans Friday evening but thanks for the invite. You think that was the end don’t you? Nope silly you.

Just an hour ago I get ANOTHER text about how Saturday is free day at the art museum and would we want to go with them, also they could bring Jack back at that time if we let them take him overnight……I mean…am I wrong to think this feels a LOT like bullying? I mean to be honest I am sort of wondering if she wants to like eat my child or something. She just doesn’t seem to want to stop.

Then we have the additional issue of Andy’s mom who wants to skype with us….granted that is the least annoying grandparent interaction possible, because you basically chase Jack around with the laptop for 15 minutes and they say ‘okay we gotta go!’.

Listen, I get that grandparents are super excited about babies and what not, but seriously?….they need tranquilizers sometimes.

*remind me to get back to this in another post


4 thoughts on “Grandparent Tranquilizers

  1. Why has no one thought about grandparent tranquilizers before? That is genius!!

    (Your grandma sounds like my Nana. It can be exhausting but we like to have fun with her too. We might be evil sometimes.)

  2. I don’t know which is worse, Grandparents who care too much, or ones that couldn’t care less. My kids are lucky to have a set of both 🙂

  3. Pingback: Sometimes You Have to Give In | pajamasarecomfy

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