A while back I wrote a post entitled Chubby Girl’s Guide to Running it was all about “hey it doesn’t matter if you are a slow ass runner like me – Get out there and do it!”.
Well I am excited to report that I have returned to running. I decided the best way to actually force myself to run more than like 100 feet, was to register for a race…oh and rope a bunch of friends into doing it with me. So that is what I did. On Thanksgiving, no less, Team Muffin Tops will be running the Turkey Trot. I know I know, awesome team name. Alas I can not claim credit for that one.
I have been training my butt off and I have to pat myself on the tush (because the back is hard to get a good pat) and get a wee bit excited by the fact that it is week 5 and I am rocking it…..well in a slow as shit, Chubby Girl kind of way. But rocking it no less.
Now….the latest issue I am encountering is interesting….I want to say unique, but perhaps other chubby girls have experienced this? Basically I can’t keep my pants up!
I literally spend 30 minutes going 10 feet, pulling up pants, 10 feet, pull up pants…and when I say pants I don’t always mean exterior pants. Sometimes it is a combo, but a lot of the time it is an underpants issue. Those bastards just love to fall off when I run.
My 5 weeks of investigation tells me that it is a chub issue. The jiggle of the chub is just making it so my pants are like ‘HOLY FUCK WHAT DO WE HOLD ON TO HERE?!!!!!’ And the answer is, there isn’t anything. The only successful outfit I have found is a pair of high-water, super-elastic waist pants that I wore without anything underneath (which would be super naughty…if I was hotter).
Other than that it is a game of Russian Roulette as to whether it will be a pants issue or an underpants issue. So the solution? I have decided it is time to invent running suspenders. That’s right! Soon all of your friend will be sporting a pair of super awesome suspenders while they run. And obviously they will need to hook to your undies AND pants.
When you start to see them around you will be able to say ‘hey, I know the chick who invented those!’…..actually you probably won’t say that, you will be too busy rolling on the floor laughing. But I am telling you people, there is a real need. There has to be dozens of chubby girls out there that are having this problem. So that means there will be tens of dollars to be made on this venture. Hear that bitches! I’m gonna have enough cash to buy a new pair of pants! Shhiiittt Yeaaaahhh.