Don’t Go Chasin’ Cinnamon Bears

I realize it has been far too long since I posted! Apparently all laws of nature decided today would be the day. I can’t even believe I am about to tell you this, but let’s just start with the lesson – Don’t mess with My Fitness Pal! That bitch be crazy.

So I’ve been doing MFP for about four months….not religiously though. I should point that out right now. About a month ago a group of friends and I decided we would all follow each other on it so that we could keep each other motivated and what have you…..also we figured out you can post hilarious status updates, so there’s that.

To give you insight, those updates can range from how much we want chocolate to how we should start getting calorie credits for going poo.

Anyway back on track. So yesterday was Earth Day, aka El Dia de….Earth and my office decided we would ride our bikes to work. Now according to my weather app it was going to be 50 degrees at 7am for the ride there and then by 5pm it would be 30 and snowing….but I was not going to be deterred! I love this earth goddammit and I will ride through the snow and the cold to show it!…..

Now let me tell you what the ride home was like yesterday…..effing frigid! I was soooooo cold dudes. I literally thought that I would gladly climb into a raper van just to get out of the cold. I even brought layers and gloves….nope still not enough. Oh and apparently it is difficult to see where you are going as you are being pelted in the eye with magical snowflakes. Who knew?

Anyway I made it home, but I was borderline hypothermic and so exhausted I couldn’t convince myself to muster the energy for a serious meal. Therefore I finished the day with a massive surplus of calories that went unused.

As is standard procedure for me – the day after I cycle I get ridiculously hungry and want to eat everything in sight, including but not limited to people’s appendages around me. For those of you not using MFP, that surplus of calories from yesterday doesn’t just follow you. Those are yesterdays calories, which I believe is total B.S……well I did anyway.

So today I start eating like a fiend and hit my calorie goal by 1pm, but 3pm strikes and I am hungry again. There is a place by the office called Jerry’s Nut House. It is basically bags and bags of trouble. But I decided it was calling to me, plus I needed some fresh air. I said “eff your rules MFP” and decided I would give in to the snack monster.

I showed considerable restraint considering the many packages of delicious chocolate covered things. I left with a bag of cinnamon bears and one of yogurt covered pretzels. Cinnamon bears are my fucking favorite….okay well that’s not true, pretty much everything is my favorite when it comes to candy. But I looked at the nutrition facts. ‘okay I can have 5 of these puppies without causing too much damage’ (let’s be reasonable after all). I open it up and bite the head off my first bear. And then…something happens.

The bear head attached to my teeth, as is customary, and when I open my jaw to chew, off comes my crown. I reach in and grab it because I can’t believe it myself. Sure enough out comes my crown with little red remnants of the culprit.

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Holy shit! I spit out the devil bear and looked down at the bag of goodies I had just bought. ‘Well played MFP…..well played’.

Apparently you don’t mess with the no-calorie-roll-over rule…..now we know.

*****Stop reading if you don’t want to be thoroughly grossed out***********************

An added bonus is that despite brushing my teeth and chewing a piece of gum, there is just this very disgusting taste happening in my mouth…..I mean I am trying not to think too much about it, as I am sure you are now too, but obviously it is a product of exposing things that shouldn’t be exposed….EVER!!!

So not only do I have no interest in the snacks I bought, but I have no interest in anything at all…..EVER!

Looks like I am going to finish the day out causing no damage at all……fucking MFP man!

Operation Pee on Things

Oh Hi!

So as you might have guessed, I have not become pregnant and/or obtained a second baby through other means….legal or otherwise. I did however, just finish a 104 day cycle….yyyaaaaayyy…um not. The bright side is……well….so….I mean I guess the bright side is that it could have been longer right?

Also I guess the bright side is that I am not in fact menopausal….well I kind of am, but whatever. I don’t think I really talked about it, because I feel like I only told like four people, but I put a pin in going to acupuncture. I wanted to get settled into my new job and figure out the whole insurance biznaz and get comfortable and what not.

I kept pushing back my appointments with my lady….every week I would push them further and further back. And then finally I was like ‘seriously you need to go back, what’s your deal Natalie?’

Turns out “my deal” was going waaaayyy back down to see her. I love my acupuncturist. She’s awesome and obviously has a proven history of getting me knocked up, but now that she is not as conveniently located I was finding a battle between my heart and my head. I was facing spending an extra hour in the car every week just to go see her. And Fridays are the one time Andy and I get a few hours to ourself while Jack is still in daycare (you know unless we arrange for a babysitter and what not) Anyway it just seemed like an added hassle….so I decided as much as I love her, maybe it was time to try someone new. Closer to my new office.

So I have an appointment this Friday. I have been at the new job for two months officially….okay well officially in a couple more days. But who’s counting? If we’re being mathmatical….which we like to be sometimes – it took me 3 cycles to get pregnant with Jack (which equated to about 6 months). So even if it works like first-go-round with the new lady, in theory I wouldn’t be popping out numero dos until after I reached my one-year mark here. Which feels good enough to me. And if it takes longer than one cycle….which…let’s be honest….it will – then I will be glad I didn’t wait another couple of months to get going again.

In the meantime, I am going to give the OPK route another try. It never actually worked for me the first time. I never got a positive, but what the heck, let’s try again. One of my BFFs is doing it too, so basically we have started a pee-off.

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I have this batch, plus a bunch from another bestie, so in total I have about 70. And I am just going to pee until the cows come home.

Also apparently when you don’t use your brain knowledge surrounding OPKs you forget it quickly because after the first one I got all excited that I saw a faint second line…..yeah that is just another fun way of saying negative. But I got excited…and then promptly started my period two days later. Whatcha gonna do? Well…then you look up the instructions and remind yourself what everything means again. And now I know.

In a few more days pee-fest will officially restart. As will acupuncture….maybe we should call it AcuPeeFest 2013!

I guess I can no longer count this as not really trying to get pregnant huh? Le Sigh. Well then let the official TTC #2 begin.

P.S. I have peed in a cup twice and so far I have peed on my hand 50% of the time….hopefully we can lower that statistic as we go.