Don’t Go Chasin’ Cinnamon Bears

I realize it has been far too long since I posted! Apparently all laws of nature decided today would be the day. I can’t even believe I am about to tell you this, but let’s just start with the lesson – Don’t mess with My Fitness Pal! That bitch be crazy.

So I’ve been doing MFP for about four months….not religiously though. I should point that out right now. About a month ago a group of friends and I decided we would all follow each other on it so that we could keep each other motivated and what have you…..also we figured out you can post hilarious status updates, so there’s that.

To give you insight, those updates can range from how much we want chocolate to how we should start getting calorie credits for going poo.

Anyway back on track. So yesterday was Earth Day, aka El Dia de….Earth and my office decided we would ride our bikes to work. Now according to my weather app it was going to be 50 degrees at 7am for the ride there and then by 5pm it would be 30 and snowing….but I was not going to be deterred! I love this earth goddammit and I will ride through the snow and the cold to show it!…..

Now let me tell you what the ride home was like yesterday…..effing frigid! I was soooooo cold dudes. I literally thought that I would gladly climb into a raper van just to get out of the cold. I even brought layers and gloves….nope still not enough. Oh and apparently it is difficult to see where you are going as you are being pelted in the eye with magical snowflakes. Who knew?

Anyway I made it home, but I was borderline hypothermic and so exhausted I couldn’t convince myself to muster the energy for a serious meal. Therefore I finished the day with a massive surplus of calories that went unused.

As is standard procedure for me – the day after I cycle I get ridiculously hungry and want to eat everything in sight, including but not limited to people’s appendages around me. For those of you not using MFP, that surplus of calories from yesterday doesn’t just follow you. Those are yesterdays calories, which I believe is total B.S……well I did anyway.

So today I start eating like a fiend and hit my calorie goal by 1pm, but 3pm strikes and I am hungry again. There is a place by the office called Jerry’s Nut House. It is basically bags and bags of trouble. But I decided it was calling to me, plus I needed some fresh air. I said “eff your rules MFP” and decided I would give in to the snack monster.

I showed considerable restraint considering the many packages of delicious chocolate covered things. I left with a bag of cinnamon bears and one of yogurt covered pretzels. Cinnamon bears are my fucking favorite….okay well that’s not true, pretty much everything is my favorite when it comes to candy. But I looked at the nutrition facts. ‘okay I can have 5 of these puppies without causing too much damage’ (let’s be reasonable after all). I open it up and bite the head off my first bear. And then…something happens.

The bear head attached to my teeth, as is customary, and when I open my jaw to chew, off comes my crown. I reach in and grab it because I can’t believe it myself. Sure enough out comes my crown with little red remnants of the culprit.


Holy shit! I spit out the devil bear and looked down at the bag of goodies I had just bought. ‘Well played MFP…..well played’.

Apparently you don’t mess with the no-calorie-roll-over rule… we know.

*****Stop reading if you don’t want to be thoroughly grossed out***********************

An added bonus is that despite brushing my teeth and chewing a piece of gum, there is just this very disgusting taste happening in my mouth…..I mean I am trying not to think too much about it, as I am sure you are now too, but obviously it is a product of exposing things that shouldn’t be exposed….EVER!!!

So not only do I have no interest in the snacks I bought, but I have no interest in anything at all…..EVER!

Looks like I am going to finish the day out causing no damage at all……fucking MFP man!

7 thoughts on “Don’t Go Chasin’ Cinnamon Bears

  1. Dude, that sucks! I have been chomping on ice like it’s going out of style…I’m waiting for one of my teeth to chip and I’ll be following in your footsteps to the dentist.

  2. That suuuuucks!!! Fuckin MFP!! That’s some serious shit to go to those lengths to keep you on track. Hmmm, maybe I need to start using it…

  3. I stopped reading, because OMG TEETH FREAK ME OUT VOMIT VOMIT. But my tooth once got broken by a very soft cookie. So maybe it’s not the biking through snow (WOW! I walk through it, but draw the line at biking!) or the vengeful fitness pal. Maybe you’d just oooooooold like me! AH HA HA HA.

  4. Ahhhh! That has totally happened to me! And it is the glue! I refuse to believe it is anything other than the glue causing that taste!

    Also, you mean to tell me you don’t get calorie credits for going poo? Not cool. Not cool at all.

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