I am 8 weeks…which is werid-sauce. As previously discussed, I started getting super cereal about the whole TTCv2.0 thing when it became clear it was not going to just happen like it did for those other whores I know. I gave it a year and then was like ‘enough of this shit, I am getting old!’
Things were full-blown. I had opks, I was taking herbs, I was temping, going to acupuncture once a week, this other little stuff the teeny tiny acu lady wanted me to do every night before I went to bed…it was ridiculous. I was so worn out and over it….which I know sounds ridiculous, but when you are doing all that every day….EVERY day people! It is just a lot. Oh yeah, and then there was that whole need to have sex on top of it. What do you mean, Natalie? You can’t just get pregnant doing all those things? No…no you sure can’t. On top of that you have to have relations with you husband and try to keep it fun….because let’s all remember TTC sex is just about the worst sex on the planet earth. It isn’t fun, it is predictable and lame.
And when you do it for more than a year, your relationship starts to suck ass, and then your husband is all “leave me alone, I don’t care if you think this is it (for the 12th time this cycle), go get a boyfriend I am done with you!”…alright so a little over-dramatized.
But I didn’t want it to be that way on v2.0. I wanted it to be fun. So eventhough I wasn’t doing all that stuff together for very long, even the 50-some days (YAY long cycles!) I was doing it was starting to wear me down and lose hope.
My acupuncturist was getting impatient too, so I think that added to the worn-outed-ness. To give you some more info, she was pretty convinced we were dealing with PCOS. Now don’t ask me why, but I never pursued a full-on diagnosis when I started realizing there would be issues getting pregnant the first time.
I do recall discussing PCOS with the OB, but I can’t for the life of me tell you why we didn’t go for an actual diagnosis of it…..I vaguely recall something about her saying if we did find out for sure, then I would be entering the official “infertile” world in the eyes of my insurance and it would change the things that would be covered….but I could be making that up. I think it had more to do with the fact that she wanted to put me on drugs right away without a diagnosis because it was easier to do that first before going through the tube dye test and what not. I do remember having a lot of questions she couldn’t really answer and that making me shy away from her plan. Because that is what led me straight to acupuncture.
So when the acupuncturist asked if I had ever been diagnosed and why not? I couldn’t answer her. uhh……I don’t know for sure. But we talked about all the reasons she suspected it…..which I should have written down (double fail).
Anyhoodles, she was pushing for a firm diagnosis and so when my cycle started to drag on she was like ‘I’m bored, let’s go get a progesterone ‘scrip and start your period so we can test your hormone levels’…..well okay she didn’t really say it like that, but I could tell she wanted some real answers and was not into the idea of waiting for my period to show up on it’s own.
I hated the idea of giving up, but I also understood her point which was that we couldn’t effectively treat me if we don’t have all the information. Which, FYI I realized was sort of lacking in my previous acupuncturist. So I made an appointment…even though I had a sinking feeling in my heart. It felt like giving up, like for all my fighting to not have to go the western intervention route, this would be the first step in that direction….dramatic? yes.
I think I also didn’t really want to know that I was defective. I have always just joked that I have lazy ovaries and what not, but it has been a total defense mechanism. Obviously we all know I have fertility issues, but if there is no official diagnosis, no one can actually say I am infertile…..I know it is like a silly differentiator, but I’ve obviously clung to it tightly.
But I made the appointment and I resigned myself to the process of really and truly claiming the title of “infertile”. Then something happened. About 6 days before my appt. I got a positive OPK…..and another one the next day.
To top it off, Andy and I were in a fun place relationship-wise, so we got busy and not in a “we better have sex right now” sort of way. I knew it wasn’t a guarantee, and so when my temp started to rise, but then dipped two days in a row I was like ‘dang it!’. I decided not to temp the next day because it was bumming me out.
But after the OPKs, I did know that there appeared to be no need for the progesterone prescription, so I called and canceled my appointment, letting them know I would call when I got to cycle day 3 to do the blood draw.
So once you take a temping vacation, it is hard not to stay on that vacation. Turns out I didn’t temp for the next week. I did start cheep-o HCG testing though. After 3 days of nothing I was ready to call it a day. Then something weird happened. The 4th one was negative and then it had this weird like sideways discoloration. I figured it was defective. So the next day when it was negative I thought: ‘see nothing to get excited about’. But when I was getting ready for bed at the end of day 5, suddenly there was a second line….the lightest line ever, but there.
Then the suspicion began. Two testing days later a for realz second line started appearing (to be clear these aren’t like offical DPO days. I would have to go look at my test dates to tell you exactly when I started testing, but I think I started the cheep-o HCG tests at about 8 DPO….again I’d have to check for sure.
Anyway, I couldn’t believe it. I was convinced it was a bust and honestly, I had gotten to the point where blood tests and another two or more cycles of all this crap was just feeling like too much.
I had told my friends I was over it all and had started to accept the idea of just having Jack. It was honestly one of those things where in hindsight you think ‘Well obviously it happened then, you had literally just completely given up’….and it is annoying to admit that. Because I hate anyone and everyone who says ‘it will happen when you give up’. Um fuck you mister….or misses….but damn it if that didn’t actually happen.
So anyway, long story
short long, I got knocked up. Much to my own happiness I didn’t even have to step foot back into the OBs office (this is the same one who was completely against the home birth and told on me to my mother-in-law? remember that one?…yeah well I know I should have pursued another one, but I’m lazy and dealing with insurance is dumb, and she already had an idea of my past, etc….so, I was going to stick with the path of least resistance).
I have been feeling great….so great that until the pregnancy exhaustion set in I was thinking there was something seriously wrong this time around. I was so sick with Jack. It started right at 5 weeks and went until 13 weeks and I recall telling myself I had made a terrible decision with this whole pregnancy business.
This time I have been exceedingly fortunate….that annoying kind of fortunate that you want to punch out of pregnant ladies. So sorry about that….I am her now….if you must punch me, do it in the butt because I have a lot of padding there. Plus watching you punch me in the butt would be hilarious.
Basically the only signs of pregnancy are the ridiculous tiredness where I basically want to drug Jack at 6pm so he will go to sleep so I can go to sleep, and where I don’t want to go to work because it involves getting out of bed. And in the last week, that nausea you get when you don’t eat soon enough in the morning. But once I get some breakfast in me, that is out of the way.
The baby is due end of January (circa the 26th). Hilariously that is 10 days before my 1 year anniversary at work….but we will round up and hopefully my boss will too.
My first midwife appointment is July 12th….which is extremely weird! So there will be no 8 week U/S, no 12 week U/S. This is going to be like a real old-fashioned regular pregnancy. How odd is that? My friends are completely annoyed by it. I am strangely okay…I think because I am sleepy. I do feel a little bad already neglecting the second child so much, but it is a welcome change to not worry as much this time.
There you go, all the details I know.