Reflecting

I ate a lunchable today….yeah I know I am supposed to be a grown up, but I do what I want! I remember when lunchables first came out and they were just that full-size one with like turkey and ham, swiss and cheddar, white and wheat crackers, yellow mustard and an Andes mint…..pretty detailed memory right? I remember my mom buying us some to try for lunch and then me becoming an asshole about it and wanting them all the time…let’s not focus on the fact that I only liked some of the items and would basically waste the rest of it…like I said – asshole.

I recall my mom taking the plastic tray and refilling it with just Ritz crackers, cut up ham and american cheese. She probably was thinking that those were the only things I ate anyway, so why waste money on the whole lunchable. I am sure that shit was expensive for a couple of nurses with two kids.

She put it in a plastic bag and sent me to school with it. I remember being mortified! I couldn’t eat this!…people would realize it was homemade!!! GASP!….so when I was about to throw out my plastic tray today, I sighed and thought to myself ‘I hope my mom realizes that I am sorry for being such an asshole back then’. I wish I could tell her…

The good news is – now as a mom with a two-year-old, I can pretty much guarantee that she knows. Because when Jack is being a total asshole for no reason, I know that it’s just a phase. I know eventually I stopped requesting lunchables and just ate pb&honey like a normal un-spoiled kid. Maybe my mom put me in my place about it, I don’t know….all I know is eventually I stopped being such a butthead.

Having a second child was really important to me. I wanted Jack to have a sibling; it is what I know from growing up and it is what Andy knows. But I realize my fears of only-child-syndrome are now multiplied into oldest and youngest-child-syndrome. Which if you think that there are two of them…that might be worse than only-child-syndrome….like twice as worse.

But whatever, I am so very fortunate to be able to go through this once more and it will be worth whatever mayhem is to come with attitudes and assholery….kids are fucking awesome….even when they are hard and crazy….and irrational.

 

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4 thoughts on “Reflecting

  1. Oh man, I think of all my asshole moments as a kid, and it just makes me nervous! Ha! Kids are assholes! Only children, youngest, oldest – it doesn’t matter. Kids are just assholes!

  2. I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thinks S is a punk sometimes. And that he can be both a punk and the most lovable, sweetest little man on the planet at the same time. I also was really worried about only child syndrome. But now, as I contemplate a third (yes, I’m already there!) in my attempts to maybe have a girl, I worry about middle-child syndrome….because I am a middle child! But I worry about everyone having their “roles”. In my family, my brothers were The Oldest and The Baby…and even though I was stuck in the middle, I was The Only Girl. So it worked for us. But now I worry that J will be just The Middle. Ugh. Having kids is hard. Awesome. But hard. And pb & honey is amazeballs! Way better than a standard PB & J!!

  3. Cute story about your mama! I would have been embarrassed too as a child but I could possibly see myself doing the same thing now. I’m realizing that kids are definitely irrational, haha but totally awesome.

  4. Awww, really sweet. I have a couple such moments in my past, and I’m still not quite able to forgive myself, even as I know…well…I’m not sure what I know yet. That it wasn’t my fault I was an asshat?

    (My mother used to pack cream cheese and jam sammies, which are great, but were SO WEIRD for where I lived. I’d eat them inside the bag, like drinking from a 40. Feels foolish now, but I still remember the shame…

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