Oh dudes, I would tell you “next time I do this..” but there isn’t going to be a next time. It was beyond silly for me to make myself so nervous and sick about telling my boss. The fact that it took me as long as it did this week is nothing short of a comedy skit.
I had my midwife appointment on Friday and currently my estimated due date is January 27th, which put me at 12 weeks on Monday. So over the weekend when I realized I was just barely going to be 12 weeks this week, why rush into telling him? It could wait. Then at Monday’s manager’s meeting he announced he was going on vacation for two weeks after this week….shit! Waiting until 13 weeks is one thing, but 16 weeks and that’s probably pushing it….so I guess this week it is.
Tuesday a co-worker came to my desk and said ‘you are wanted downstairs in the yellow room’. My stomach dropped. Oh shit, what did I do?…but wait…why would they have Eric come get me if I did something wrong?. So I nervously went downstairs and both of the partners were sitting at the table. Fuck….or Yay? One of the two.
Turns out it was a quarterly bonus. Which is awesome and amazing and is going straight into my maternity leave fund (a couple more quarterly bonuses and the maternity benefits I left behind at my old firm will be a moot point, but let’s not count our chickens and what not). As I am sitting there listening to my boss tell me how I’ve helped make the firm a success and do well these last few months in my head I was thinking: this would be the time Natalie…they are both right here…they are telling you how you’ve contributed to the firm….do it….do it…wait wait…no don’t ruin it….what if they take the check right back?….no best not to do it now.
So I didn’t. I walked back out of there with a big smile on my face to go summon the next person on the list and thought…crap that probably was the best time. Oh well. I had an 8am meeting scheduled with my boss today to go over our big project. So we sat down and I said something that wowed him during that meeting, he was like ‘that’s a great catch, let’s call the owner’. As we were on the phone with the owner I thought: now….now is the time….now! Do it now.
When we got off the call he was like ‘we have that conference call in 30 minutes, I am going to try to wrap up these minutes beforehand and get them out’. So I told him I would come back later. Damn!
So then later rolls around and he asks me a question I don’t know the answer too off the top of my head. It throws me off because I am trying to tell him something completely non-project related…obviously…so then I am like ‘I am not too sure about that’. Then he is like ‘you really need to stay on top of this, look at our contract and yada yada’…..Damn it…now I look super bad…you can’t tell him now.
So I walked away thinking Should have done it Tuesday….now look what you did! I gathered my senses over the next couple of hours. Figured out the answer and spoke to the appropriate people so when I finally did get to the “okay now’s the time” point I walked over and was able to say ‘here’s the answer to the question earlier, see everything is fine, nothing is slipping through the cracks’. He seemed to be happy and amenable, so as I watched him turn his attention back to his computer screen I almost decided to walk away, but then I was like ‘so I have some news…’. He turned and his eyes said Oh Shit!
So I put up my hands ‘It’s good news!…I am expecting’. And his face lightened and he said ‘Oh that’s great! Congratulations!’. Then I felt the need to add ‘it isn’t until late January/first of February, so it should all work out with this project’….”*pshaw* Oh don’t worry about that…that is great. It is good to have two at home”. And then I joked ‘yeah so they can fight, hahah’. And I walked away.
Then I kicked myself for being as silly and worried as I was. Dumb. Thank you all for your encouragement and reassurances. You’re right. If he had any reaction besides that, then this wouldn’t be the place for me anyway.