Dear Amateur Photographer

I don’t consider myself a good photographer…I don’t think of myself as a photographer at all, instead I think of myself as a person with a camera who sometimes gets lucky and actually captures what I wanted too. But recently we’ve run into a phenomenom –  the amateur “photographer”. Here is an open letter:

Dear Amateur Photographer,

Listen, it’s great that you bought a camera…and no I don’t care what brand or model number or whatever the fuck it is. I don’t want to talk mega pixels or features with you. And I especially don’t want to talk after-market components. That’s great that you have 4 lenses that each cost more than a month’s worth of groceries and that you are weighing the benefits of which speedlite you want to buy….guess what? All that shit doesn’t change the fact that I don’t want to see the picture of your dog with his slobbery yellow tennis ball…and no, I don’t think it is a good picture.

Hey I get it, everyone starts at the bottom, but rather than embracing that fact, you are making me watch as you scroll through 200 pictures of people I don’t know, sitting around talking….why did you take these pictures again?….also why are you showing me them?….also I want some vodka. I think I will like your pictures more if I have some vodka first.

Just so we’re clear, please know in advance that I do not want a framed 8 x 10 of one of your pictures as my Christmas present. Let’s just agree that neither of us will send the other an actual printed copy of a photograph we think is great unless the other person has specifically requested said picture. And believe me, when I see something I want, I will ask for it. But if you are hearing me say…”’mmmm yeah, neat….yeah hmm….” – and similar phrases, it is because there is no polite way of saying “I’m bored and don’t want to see anymore of these, thanks”.

I am sure in time, with all your new equipment, and those classes you are taking at the camera store, and most importantly with practice that involves deleting the shit that doesn’t turn out well, you will eventually get to a point where you take some decent pictures….again, still no guarantee that I will ever want any of them. So let’s just shop this charade. Please stop making me look at your pictures….please.

And Thanks!


3 thoughts on “Dear Amateur Photographer

  1. Oh man, I laughed so hard tears came to my eyes. I have some A.P. friends who really are talented, but then I have some who are NOT, and one of them just got a new camera, and I was like SHUT UP VODKA NOW.

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