The new adventures with this pregnancy are those that really just failed to occur to me before this point. The nausea is the same, the sleepiness is the same, etc….but what is different is I have a new little partner-in-crime (P.I.C. because we’re gansta…..okay I am the furthest thing from gansta that there is).
I never thought about what a second pregnancy would be like with a toddler. You just think of these isolated pregnancies like pristine little deserted islands in the middle of the ocean. But they aren’t isolated…they are a continuation. And you have to see them differently, otherwise you might worry your second baby is missing out on what the first one got – you’re undivided attention.
I remember laying on the couch for hours on end rubbing my belly and just imagining what life would become. This time life is happening, there is not time to lay and wonder. I was so eager to document every single little feeling, thought, change, etc. This time I am like ‘oh hey, eventually I should think about taking a weekly belly pic’. I am trying not to hold myself to too high a standard. I knew baby v 2.0 would be a different experience. So let’s embrace what is happening and celebrate it, rather than worry about what I am not doing this time, etc.
Anyway, as so many things in parenting go, I am winging the whole “toddler involvement” thing. Our first midwife appointment was just over a week ago. Even when I dropped Jack at daycare that morning, I had not decided if I should go pick him up before the appointment or wait until after the appointment….I just wasn’t sure. The appointment was during his normal daycare naptime, so there was a risk of keeping him up and causing an epic, appointment-disrupting, meltdown….but then I wanted him to be there too….to see what was happening. To get used to the idea of people talking about his brother/sister and engaging him in the process.
As a compromise, I decided it was worth the tantrum risk and had Andy go pick Jack up shortly after the midwife arrived. This gave us a few minutes to catch up and look at cycle dates and histories (I sincerely feel bad for my midwife, I couldn’t just be an easy patient who had consistent cycle lengths the last 2 or more cycles….oh well, it’s like olden times up in this bitch), but then Jack came home and was able to observe her taking my blood pressure and my pulse and listen for the heartbeat.
He was super shy. He stood across the living room and just watched with big doe eyes. I tried to get him to come over and sit on my lap, but he just wasn’t sure about what was going on.
Karen hasn’t seen him since he was just over a year. So of course he wasn’t going to respond to “Jack this is the lady who delivered you” and like run into her arms or anything. But I was happy with how he dealt with it over all. He never did want to come closer, but when she found the heartbeat (Man, was that a beautiful tiny sound) and we said “Jack do you hear the baby’s heartbeat?”, he nodded and pointed and said “baby’s heartbeat”.
After about 20 minutes he settled in and started showing Karen his personality. Giggling and dancing and showing off for her. Still keeping a good distance away, but warming up for sure. I thought it was a huge success and it warmed my heart to have him there.
A week later I scheduled a 12w ultrasound, and again, I wasn’t sure what I should do. Andy had a crazy work week, just insane really, and I decided it was more important he get some good rest than come with me to the u/s. But then going alone?….that just didn’t feel right….but then could I take Jack on my own?
Obviously I knew he wouldn’t remember it, but just growing up knowing he was there would be cool. The risks of course were that I was going to be laying on a table occupied: would he sit still? Would he be scared of what was happening?
Again I didn’t make the call until the day of, as I was driving home I figured ‘what the hell, if I don’t take him I will wonder if I should have’. So I picked him up and off we went. You already know the nap/poo story from before the appointment. And of course when we arrived at the office, he was still asleep. So I had to wake him up. Which resulted in some sadness.
But once he woke up more, we went inside and SCORE, on the reception desk was a giant basket of dumdums. He was sold. After 3 suckers, the doctor came out to get us. He was a very sweet old man and tried to talk to Jack. Jack was having none of it. He was shying back and getting fussy. We assured him that we were there to take a look at mommy’s tummy and not do anything to him. We went back to the exam room and he was still very clingy and worried. I set him in a chair next to the table and kept reassuring him that it was okay and we were just going to take a look at mommy’s tummy.
The fast moving object is a sucker.
The first 10 minutes we couldn’t get him to look at the screen to see the baby. He was just quietly sitting in the chair staring at me and then the doctor and then me, but not looking at the screen at all.
The baby was facing downward (and moving up a storm!), so we couldn’t see the nasal bone. The doctor had me get up and go to the bathroom to see if maybe that would flip him/her over. So I took Jack to the bathroom with me and he started to warm up to the office. He wanted to wash his hands and throw the paper towels away, etc.
When we got back into the office I said ‘okay we’re going to find the baby’s nose’. And from that point on he would babble, but always come back to “going to find the baby’s nose?”. It was really cute. We turned his chair a little more so he could better see the screen and this time he was much more engaged. He sat and stared and then pointed and said ‘baby’s nose’. It really was so cute.
After we found the nasal bone he was so excited ‘baby’s nose’…’saw baby’s nose’. My heart swelled to the size of Jupiter and I was so happy that I had brought him. As we sat and waited he kept tell me all the things we saw: baby’s legs, baby’s hands, baby’s nose, etc.
I am so glad I brought him with me. I am definitely digging this whole involving the toddler business though. Which makes me wonder more about the birth. When I thought about it previously, it made sense that Jack should go stay at grandma and grandpa’s while I labored. I am not so much worried about him being scared or anything, but rather just that I will want to focus inward and not want to feel bad about ignoring him.
Pickles’ mom, the old hippie who birthed both her boys at home, told me that during her second birth her oldest was being so sweet and loving and petting her arm. But she was in a place where she didn’t want anyone touching her so she ended up, through gritted teeth, telling her husband to “please get him away from me”. I don’t want that to happen obviously. So it made more sense to not have him home during the birth…but now…I don’t know. Now I am undecided. Huh, well a decision for another day.