I started realizing a couple of weeks ago that I hadn’t even thought about taking maternity/family photos. It was before Christmas and my father-in-law has a pretty fancy camera…..granted he is much more of a nature photographer….but I was like ‘hey, he’ll be taking pictures anyway, why not ask him to take a few just of the three of us at Christmas?’….well….soooo…yeeaaaahhh…
Here’s the thing. The day didn’t go as planned. Andy had to work the night before and it being a holiday, he was alone. Apparently someone decided Christmas Eve was the time to really give breaking onto the site a try…Someone waited too long to do their Christmas shopping! tisk tisk. Oh dad, Oxycontin? How’d you know?
Anyway he had a rough one and he got home late and basically I wasn’t going to say ‘oh hey honey, in addition to your rough night, not getting to sleep today, and having to go and see your family, how about you dress up so we can take a few family photos?…Merry Christmas!’
Andy hates pictures like supermodels hate food. Probably more so…because you just know supermodels secretly want that food…..Andy does not secretly want his photo taken. So rather than prep him for the impending photo-shoot (why not let it look like his dad’s idea instead of mine?) I just figured I’d go with the flow. He could wear whatever he wanted and it would just be what it is……granted a green hoodie with a camo moose head wasn’t really what I expected him to choose on Christmas…but whatever….Again, let’s not make Christmas unbearable Natalie.
The first sign that things were not going to go well was when everyone in the house came outside to watch us/take pictures with my FIL…..uhhh…..even I don’t want an audience while taking photos. Plus when his dad is taking photos and his aunt is standing 4 feet to the left taking photos….where do you look?
Long-story short….it didn’t go well….we were seated, which I should have known was a bad idea…nothing says maternity photos like the configuration where you can’t tell if you’re pregnant or just obese. Of the 60 pictures he took of us (why so many, when they were all so terrible?) only one is like semi-not-shameful…..and I have a double chin…..fucking double chin, I hate you so much! You are not there ever except when I am caught in a picture and apparently do some sort of setting my head back rather than in it’s normal forward position. It is like I am leaning away from the camera which makes matters so much worse.
Rather than show you the borderline okay picture though….I am going to show you the two that almost made me pee my pants….because maybe you need a laugh and a pee more than me?
FYI: I will probably take these down in less than a day because what if someone (besides the 3 of you reading) sees them?
Me: “I’m Pregnant and Drunk”, Andy: “Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is bad”, Jack: “Who are these people?”
This one looks like someone just said “Surprise you’re having quadruplets!”