Swell, Tear and Stomp

How is it possible that your child has the ability to swell your heart, tear it out, and stomp it into the ground within about a 10 second period of time? They are such magical creatures these children.

Jack has been super adorable lately. I think we are finally to the point where he is understanding almost everything that is going on. We talk about “his brother” a lot and lately he’s been saying “my brother is coming soon…..I need him”. Swell – explode – death…at least it was a good death.

My office threw me a little shower last week, complete with too many little items that we really didn’t need. But the bosses got me a swing – which was the one thing we had borrowed from a neighbor with Jack. I brought it home on Friday and Jack spent the evening climbing on top of the box and leaping off of it onto the hardwood floor…..boys.

I was particularly sore and immobile so I decided to shower and crawl in bed. I picked up a book I read 7 years ago….allowing myself to be annoyed by the endless ramblings in the first two chapters and skipping forward to the more engaging part. I am such a nerd that I feel guilty for skipping boring parts, but in this case I decided since I had already read this book it was okay to skip ahead rather than “muscle through”. After a while I realized it was getting quite late and the boys were still upstairs. So I texted Andy -because I basically resemble a gigantic beached whale at this point – if he was coming to bed soon. He responded “in a second, Jack wanted to make his brother a swing”. Swell

I decided I had to go see what was happening, despite my relative immobility. I waddled upstairs and Jack was so enthusiastic telling me all about how “he built his brother a swing”. He pointed out where the music button was, where the bird sounds button was, how to make it go slower and faster, where the buckles are, etc. It was so incredibly cute I could have died in that moment. He announced with such certainty: “this is for my brother”. It almost unseated my own confidence in what was about to happen to our lives just to hear him be so proud and engaged.

On Saturday, Jack “helped” me inflate the birth pool…..my “birth” pool is a 6 foot round children’s pool with thick high walls, good for leaning against….I imagine anyway…yet it is covered with cartoon imagery of fish, sharks, whales, seaweed, etc. So it is hard to tell a 2 year old ‘this isn’t for playing, mommy is (hopefully) going to have your brother in here’. He wanted to go swimming, just as I suspected. That afternoon we turned on dinosaurs for him and when Andy checked on him, Jack had flopped the pool down from the standing-on-its-side-position I had stored it in, pushed it over towards the TV and was sitting inside watching his dinosaurs.

I am hoping the pool situation won’t be a mom-toddler stand-off when it comes time to birth….but pretty much every time we walk past it we talk about how it is for “having his brother”….I suppose only time will tell.

For now I am just trying to soak up as much of “just Jack” time as I have left. Every morning we have the same conversation:

Jack: “mom, I’m getting bigger”

me: “yeah you are buddy….how much do you think you grew last night”

Jack: “I don’t know”

me: “I bet you grew a whole inch”

Jack: “Yeah, I am getting so big” – heart torn out and stomped on the floor

I know keeping him little is an impossibility, but man, it is just so hard to think these moments won’t last forever.


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