Complete

The body doesn’t easily forget: the longing, the heartache, the pain….they are readily recalled. But it doesn’t forget the good things either: the joy, the elation, the indescribable feeling of completeness.

I found myself awake at 4 am feeding a deliciously fat chunky man. When I saw the clock I couldn’t help myself but to watch the minutes slowly tick by and relive that day 3 years ago. That was the day I wanted more than could really ever be put into words. But for the sake of my boys I will always give it a try.

Three years ago right now I was working to bring Jack into this world. There was a gaping and immeasurable hole in my heart and he came right out and started filling it up.

I pulled his deep breathing and limp body close to me for a few moments while still watching the clock until he gently rolled back to his pillow. I kissed his head and felt his body sigh. I thought about how much I needed him….how much I need him everyday.

He shows me the meaning of all the good things: joy, love, fulfillment. And admittedly he shows me the meaning of the less than good things: worry, frustration, utter terror (boys are insane). But I need all those things to make my life whole.

Dearest Jack – you were wanted, you are loved, you complete me.

Happy third birthday.

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