I feel the weight of your body on my chest, your legs folded and ducked up in my lap; your back rises and falls, you sigh. I rock you slowly back and forth in your dark bedroom. It is just you and me. I kiss your head, your soft blonde hair tickles against my face as I breath you in. I notice your brown is wet and I loosen the soft blanket around you. You sit up, grab the edge of the blanket and pull it back up before settling back into me. I liked it better too, who cares about being hot? Your arms rest on either side of me. I feel your tiny fingers wiggle, needing at my sides. I watch your eyelids with long dense lashes as thy slowly close and pause before reopening.
It’s time to lay you down. It’s time to leave you for the night. Tears fill my eyes at the though and knowing time is passing so quickly. Tomorrow you will have learned something new or be able to say a word more clearly. It is such a gift. Each and every instant seeing you and feeling you feels like the most monumental moment of my life. I am the most lucky. I am the most grateful. I want it to slow down and I want it to speed up. I want to stay here forever and I want to see what comes next. Motherhood is the greatest conundrum.