And Sometimes You Get to the Cool Stuff

I’m gonna be honest with you, most days “Ze Dream Job” is just like a normal job and not so dreamy.

It was probably my own fault for labeling it “Ze Dream Job” deerrr you think Natalie?

Not to be cynical in my old age, but I think I am finally learning that there is a reason you get paid to do your job – because you don’t always love every second of it.

For me there have been trade-offs. Somedays (more than I’d like) I am staring down projects that make me feel so distant from the person I envision myself to be that I want to tell the whole world ‘this is dumb! someone else do it’. Then I quickly realize that is the attitude of a spoiled fucking brat and I give myself a gut-check.

Then other days I realize that those projects are the bitter that make the other projects – the projects I came here to pursue – so very sweet. I am doing my time, so to speak. Taking one for the team and pushing things forward even when I’d rather stomp my feet and pout like a toddler.

Last week started out heavily bitter. I found myself bombarded with issues that are beyond the realm of my ability to care, and yet…of course I care about them and need to resolve each one. But the resentment set in when I realized this collection of issues was distracting from the project I wanted to be focusing on. But there was sweet relief because I had a travel deadline. I did what I could to push the issue-ridden projects forward and then I informed everyone I would be unavailable to help for a few days. And then…..and then!!!! I hit the road and got to truly focus on that other project.

For two and a half days I got to see myself and my life through that vision that I had for this job. I found myself walking around the surviving structures of a World War II military base and daydreaming about their history, their impact on our world, and the future I hope to give them.

I remembered the moments I walked across those graduation stages, the opening of letters after completing each licensure exam, the day I started at Ze Dream Job… and I thought to myself – this is exactly what you wanted to be doing with all that info you stuffed into your brain.

And suddenly the other stuff becomes worth it. Just days after turning 31 I got a glimpse of the light – the light that reminds you what you are working towards. I am thinking someday I might get all the way there and I am trying to find ways to enjoy the journey in between.